is creating joy excavated from the debris of a broken world.

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Hot Dog Citizen

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Your support of the arts gets you 4 articles a week and the ability to interact with the fascinating minds that created them.

Like the first aspect of the hot dog, Learning, each article will cause you to know more yet understand less. For instance, the state dinosaur of tubed meat is Mesosuchus.

Hot Dog Hero

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You, true hero, get access to all articles and bonus material including exclusive weekly podcast bonus episodes and each month's team-up. New delights every weekday! You are courageous to face off against such naked, flagrant hotdoggery!

You will also gain access to our community Discord server. You will marvel as Sean and Brockway take the terrible and wrong, grind it down, put it in a tube made of its own intestines, and fry it to excellence. Engage with your favorite Internet Assholes as they plot new content and hatch dastardly schemes, weep with them as these schemes are dashed, and then bond with them as they vow bitter revenge. Yes, join this tier and experience the full gamut of human emotion -- from 'new content' to 'revenge.'
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Hot Dog Champion

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You monster! You grow stronger with every tier! Now you also gain an exclusive Discord role that gets you into biweekly community events. Sign up for this tier and take part in all sorts of virtual hangouts with Seanbaby and Brockway. Chat with Seanbaby as he watches terrible movies that should not exist, carefully catalogue which animes are most difficult to masturbate to with Brockway, stream games with them, or just participate in live chats. Who can stop you, now that you are a Hot Dog Champion? Only another Hot Dog Champion, if they take your head in fair combat! We’ll talk about that later!
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About 1900HOTDOG

1-900-HOTDOG is a virile new comedy site from Internet champions Seanbaby and Brockway. Every weekday you will behold unthinkable artifacts from the wrong universe. You will grow powerful with laughter. You will learn the elegance of the 7 foundational aspects of the hot dog:

🌭 Monday is Learning Day: By hot dog law, each week begins with a bettering of oneself.
🌭 Tuesday is Punching Day: On this day we, as all hot dogs, fight!
🌭 Wednesday is Nerding Day: Indulge your twerpiest fantasies and leisures, weiner!
🌭 Thursday is Fucking Day: I see we have your attention, ladies.
🌭 Friday is Upsetting Day: Happiness is for the weak. Embrace the disappointment of deranged failure.
🌭 Once a month, there is Reflecting Day: We must all take time to look at what our mostly-beef frank has done and answer for it.
🌭 Once a month, there is Teamworking Day: Because if you try to spell TEAMWORK without MEAT you only get KORW. What the fuck is KORW, you asshole?

Free updates come twice a week, while some material is so dangerously beefy only our Hot Dog Heroes can safely witness it. Your mind can prepare only for the vaguest of expectations! Your body cannot prepare at all! 1-900-Hotdog! It's not a phone number!

Credits Page

This is where we honor our Hot Dog Supremes. Those whose love of comedy drove them to make the ultimate sacrifice: $50.

NickH: The “what” in every “my god, what could have done this?”
Rhia: Whose name means “irresistible all-beef” in every language.
Nick Ralston: Villain Monthly’s two-time Handsomest Lair Intruder.
Jaber Al-Eidan: The bard of every party, be it D&D, Superbowl, or political.
Zdarfan: The unstoppably chinned maniac with no Maniac License.
3 Finger Louie: The Blues legend banned from every musical venue past, present, or future.
John: The reason no truck-stop bathroom stall has a functioning lock.
Dean Costello: The Meanie of Weanie, the First Chair Cello of Hot Dog Jello.
Matt Reiley: Our only patron at any level with no criminal food fetishes.
DatFMCobalion: Once saved two internet comedians from a sexy jet-ski accident and all he got was this lousy credit.
Eric Spaulding: The only man alive who remembers the Berlin Foosball Massacre from an erased timeline. Pity him as much as you envy him.
Neil Bailey: The undisputed shogun of Kansas City (Missouri, not Kansas; that is GapeWulf territory)
LaziestManOnMars: Might be lazy but he made it all the way to Mars. The fuck did you ever do?
Neil Schafer: Was voted ‘Most Likely to Fuck a Whole Mountain Range’ Senior Year, and while he hasn't succeeded yet, you have to admire the way he tries.
toasty god: duly elected mayor of uncooked bread.
John McCammon: who left fighting behind him, at least until Baron Arena took his daughter.
Hawk: and that's pronounced with eight additional seconds of silent eye contact.
Armando Nava: whose name is an anagram of how they were conceived: a rad van moan.
Lyman: a magnificent youth who brandishes the magical broadsword, Lycheaper!
Micah Phillips: joins together with four other pure-hearted warriors to form Zorklon, Protector of the Cosmos! He pilots the left leg — the invaluable left leg!
Josh Fabian: who spends montages nodding yes to every single hat you try on.
Brianne Whitney: who discovered the scientific formula for diagnosing a crew of being "through" or "2 legit 2 quit."
Timmy Leahy: the true meaning of Christmas.
Mike Stiles, on whom the story "The Robot Who Fell in Love with Mike" was based.
Aidan Mouat, the Patron brought to you by the new Arby's Edible Six Cheese Sandwich Mask with Cheese.
Adrienne Hisbrook, who has gotten away with every human crime and six dog ones.
Zachary Evans, who fills every room with his boisterous spirit, and also bees.
Yossarian, who will burn this place to the ground unless they change the Sonic movie back.
Josh S, who appears whenever you whisper “Beefbod” six times while looking in a mirror.
Ken Paisley: The Shogun of Slam, the Daimyo of Damn, the Tenno that's a straight ten, yo.
Dr. Awkward: The 5th dentist when they say "4 out of 5 dentists recommend Crest."
Benjamin Sairanen: The hidden secret face unlocked when you beat Mount Rushmore.
Jamie Gordon: who was not listed in the UFO papers and would like for it to stay that way.
Lane Haygood: Undefeated Heavyweight Champion of eating a whole burrito and regretting it.
Rich Joslin: If a jetski could be a man, it would be honored to be called Rich Joslin.
Jeremy Neill: the man, the myth, the reason your favorite Golden Corral shut down.
Michael Rader: the Supreme and Unquestionable Holy Ruler of the Chuck E. Cheese Ballpit.
Alpha Scientist Javo: the first of the Scientists Javo, and *gun cocks* one day the last.
Children Love the Meat Milly: who is already under investigation, arrested, convicted, and now executed for that name. RIP.
Brandon Garlock: who was once deemed "too funky" for Disney's California Adventure.
Topless Connection: Sorcerer Supreme of Solitary Sex Magick.
Matt Cortez: who is currently scamming a family out of room and board by pretending to be a bigfoot they're hiding from the world.
$10,272.92 of $11,000 per month
It's Golden Age Comics Week! Once we meet this goal, we'll celebrate the only way we know how: By making fun of old comics about bird men and space detectives for a solid week straight. 
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