Never Got Famous

is creating audiobooks, movies, livestreams, podcasts + more

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Early access to all the projects, plus hours and hours of:
  • The Patreon-exclusive podcast, Albert University
  • The NGF audiobooks, including Blood and Muppets
  • Downloads of the Lumalin movies at high quality, including Only Interstellar Pinball Lives Forever and Summer of the Chew Toy Soul
  • Live Hot Puppet Chat - The original shameful episodes from 2005
  • Albert's livestream archives of Muppet Monday, Albert's Treehouse, and Anti-Sex Gaming Night...with any copyright-muted audio restored!

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About Never Got Famous

NEVER GOT FAMOUS is the continuing story of Albert Snodoloberm, a stand-up comedian for twenty years, and nothing - no fame, no glory, just horrible memories of being abused nad ridiculed by audiences.  So he has retreated to the internet, determined to make all the projects he would have done if he had gotten famous, just on a much (MUCH) lower budget.  Albert is a spirit animal for anyone with big dreams that fizzled (for now) - something a lot of us experience multiple times in life.  Even if we someday break through, it probably took a few midnight burials of our previous dreams to get there...

Before creating Albert, I made a few dark-humor existential puppet movies (hence the Never Got Famous theme), and I tend to think of Albert as another puppet - a big biological full-body puppet - a big bitter casual messiah puppet for the disappointed...but like all disquieting puppets, it's turning out that he is strangely indestructible.  No matter what he fails in, he tries again.  And now he's also streaming on Twitch, which lets him be happy and friendly...mostly.

And the puppets have never really gone away.  This Patreon also supports the continuing adventures of Skiddles (the very-caring canine), Dobo (and his webcomic Bad Afterlife), and the other pups that are still with us from the old Live Hot Puppet Chat days.

If you become a patron, you unlock free streams of complete Albert audiobooks, including the classics Blood and Muppets and Harry Potter and the Trespassing Functional Alcoholic.  And even fresh chapters of whatever current audiobook is in-progress (currently The Demon Doll Diaries).  Plus, you'll get access to a folder which has the original versions of those dark puppet movies I did years ago - Summer of the Chew Toy Soul, Jesus Hates You Now, Only Interstellar Pinball Lives Forever, Hell Leaks Laughter, and the non-puppet There Was Once a Bitter Bastard.  I'm putting most of the movies on YouTube these days to release them into the wild forever - but the original HQ files look a better....the colors, the puppety textures....

You even get access to the old Live Hot Puppet Chat episodes, which are all too silly and tasteless to exist anymore - but if you have a few drinks, they might still be a good time.  They're definitely a freaky glimpse into what 2005 humor was like, before the culture cracked down on all that....

Anyhow, many many thanks, and never let them bastards get ya down...
  - Tristan Newcomb ... aka Albert


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