House Morningwood is creating life lessons, wit, and ground truth.
70

patrons

Don't run off, for fuck's sake. We put a lot of work into this!

Welcome to the Tactical Buyers Club.

It's the Reader Support Page for the Mad Duo and the Breach-Bang-Clear  Minions

Why should you pledge yourself to 
Bend the knee to House Morning wood?

     There are lotsa reasons. Here are a few. 


1. $1/month (smallfolk) to join our discussion group ( Nancy's Squat & Gobble ), get recurring discounts on gear, and access closed articles and loot.
  
2. $5/month or more (e.g.  Sworn Sword and Hedge Knight, etc.) allows you into the  Morningwood Bazaar VIP area. This virtual marketplace features numerous coupon codes and members-only purchase opportunities for up to 60% off. (this is from a badass lineup of manufacturers and instructors, as explained below.)

3. You can say you're a member of House Morningwood and display our sigil, which lets face it is some funny shit. (Especially if you're a bastard knight, right Ser Bone?)



You know who we are. You know what we do, and you know why we do it.

It takes money to make this happen, though. We need to pay our writers (though we tend to joke that most don't deserve it). We need ammunition for training and evaluation. We require funding to require travel. Although we do have a small number of badass advertisers, they are not sufficient to let us operate with complete autonomy. 

That's why we created the Morningwood Bazaar and rebuilt Ye Olde Nancy's Squat & Gobble. 

The Morningwood Bazaar | Current Participants

You support us, we'll give you your own unique content and the opportunity to save from 10% to 60% on a number of badass tactical and outdoor brands.

Total companies involved now 27; details here
Adams Arms
Agilite
ATEi
Ballistic Advantage
Bastion Gear
Combat Flip Flops
Dark Angel Medical
Flagrant Beard
GEMTECH Silencers
Grey Ghost Gear
Grey Ghost Precision
Griffon Industries
KE Arms
MDFI
Modern Spartan Systems
Next Level Training (SIRT)
Quantico Tactical
PHLster 
Pitbull Tactical
Propper Apparel
Proven Arms & Outfitters
Raven Concealment
Savoy Leather
Shield Arms
Tactical Tailor
Thyrm
US Elite Gear

We appreciate your help and hope you'll spread the word.

Back to Top

More here




Praise from longtime readers:


"I don't believe any of what I hear, half of what I see, or a quarter of what I think, but you can take what Breach-Bang-Clear tells you as gospel." Jack Burton, Porkchop Express Shipping Ltd.

"Thank God Breach-Bang-Clear is headquartered in Freedom, Oklahoma and not Liberal, Kansas. Nothing could be more fitting - except maybe for Liberty, Texas. Keep up the good work, gentlemen." Ronald Reagan

"I read Breach-Bang-Clear to keep abreast of current events, educate myself on tactical and defensive matters, and maintain an erection that lasts at least four hours." Crawdad Jim (some homeless guy we paid for an endorsement)

RISE BEFORE DAWN!

Tiers
Smallfolk [Sworn to House Morningwood]
$1 or more per month
Thank you, thank you, a thousand times thank you. Do not consider yourself as a menial, unwashed peasant (though you probably are). Think of yourself the foundation of our Great House. 


Reward: 


🚩 The right to bear the sigil of House Morningwood and speak our words ("Rise Before Dawn")


💋 Membership in Nancy's Squat & Gobble.


💵 Occasional discount codes for high end manufacturers and retailers of tactical equipment and accessories. *These will be provided after your first 30 days of membership.

Sworn Sword
$5 or more per month
 

Upon the backs of such men-at-arms and shieldmaidens as you are the armies of House Morningwood build. We will spend your coin wisely. 


REWARD: 


 💵  Access to the House Morningwood Armory (known in certain circles as the "Gear Whore Buyers Club.") 

     

     ⚔️ Includes 10-25% discount codes from 10% to 25% on
    major manufacturers and retailers.*


✉️ Standing invite to Breach-Bang-Clear gatherings, rallies, hoedowns, and hootenannies. 


💋  Membership at Nancy's Squat & Gobble 


🚩 The right to bear the sigil of House Morningwood and speak our words ("Rise Before Dawn") 



Your support shall help us in many ways, allowing us to:

  

● continue educating and edifying our readers

● do battle with the dumbing-down of society

● rage against the decline of civil discourse

● rescue damsels in distress

● deflower the occasional maiden


 *These will be provided after your first 30 days of membership. 


Hedge Knight
$10 or more per month
Welcome Ser, and thank you!  You may be the dregs of the knightly orders, but we'll take your money! 



 REWARD:  

 

👊 Everybody has to call you Ser (though it is your responsibility to enforce this rule). 


💰 Access to House Morningwood's armory (known in certain circles as the "Gear Whore Buyers Club.")

 

     ⚔️ Includes discount codes up to 50% on major
         manufacturers and retailers.*


💢 The sigil of House Morningwood delivered by courier to your door (morale patch) after 3 months...if you remind us.


✉️ Standing invite to Breach-Bang-Clear gatherings, rallies, hoedowns, and hootenannies. 


💋  Membership at Nancy's Squat & Gobble 


🚩 The right to bear the sigil of House Morningwood and speak our words ("Rise Before Dawn") 




Bastard Knight of Morningwood ("Bone")
$13.69 or more per month
Tales of your valor, strength of arms, and feats of fuckery are known across the land.
 

You will henceforth carry the surname Bone, and display the Bend Sinister upon your heraldry.
 

REWARD
 

💸 20% off tuition to any one course (up to $500) taught by any one our training partners each calendar year. (Class cost only, range fees, travel, ammo, etc. remain your responsibility.) 
 

👊 Everybody has to call you Ser Bone of Morningwood.                                                                  *snicker*

 

💰 Access to House Morningwood's armory (known in certain circles as the "Gear Whore Buyers Club.")

        ⚔️ Includes discount codes up to 60% on major          manufacturers and retailers.*
 

💢 The sigil of House Morningwood delivered by courier to your door (morale patch) after 3 months...if you remind us.
 

✉️ Standing invite to Breach-Bang-Clear gatherings, rallies, hoedowns, and hootenannies. 
 

💋  Membership at Nancy's Squat & Gobble 
 

🚩 The right to bear the sigil of House Morningwood and speak our words ("Rise Before Dawn") 


 *These will be provided after your first 30 days of membership. 

Knight Bannerman
$25 or more per month
Knight Bannerman of House Morningwood:

We accept your pledge, Ser, and look forward to watching you slaughter our enemies. Death to all who oppose us! (Unless they have cake.)


REWARD


🏰 Claim your own sigil, with words, and we'll display it on our website. We reserve the right to approve your heraldry and sigil.  


💸 40% off tuition to any one course (up to $500) taught by our training partners each calendar year. (Class cost only, range fees, travel, ammo, etc. remain your responsibility.) *eligible after 6 months of leal service.  


🎁 Access to Morningwood loot whenever it is available (holsters and knives engraved with our sigil, that sort of thing).  


👊 Everybody has to call you Ser, and defer to you even if you're being a dick. 


💰 Access to House Morningwood's armory, the "Morningwood Bazaar" (known in certain circles as the "Gear Whore Buyers Club.")

         

         ⚔️ Includes discount codes up to 60% on major
         manufacturers and retailers.*


💢 The sigil of House Morningwood delivered by courier to your door (morale patch) after 3 months...if you remind us.


✉️ Standing invite to Breach-Bang-Clear gatherings, rallies, hoedowns, and hootenannies. 


💋  Membership at Nancy's Squat & Gobble 


🚩 The right to bear the sigil of House Morningwood and speak our words ("Rise Before Dawn") 

 

*These will be provided after your first 30 days of membership. 

Lord (Lady) Bannerman of Morningwood
$50 or more per month
We will reward such leal service, M'Lord (or M'lady), and make a big deal out of you even if you don't deserve it. Prepare your banner!


REWARD: 


🏰 🏠 Establish your own sworn house and sigil, with words, and we'll display it on our website as a part of JTF Awesome. We reserve the right to approve your heraldry and sigil. 


📦 Where legal we'll send you an engraved House Morningwood AR15 upper receiver. If you remind us. Speed of delivery will be dependent upon our supplier/engraver. This will be after 6 months of leal service. 


🎁 Free loot whenever we have it available (holsters and knives engraved with our sigil, that sort of thing). 


⌨️ If requested, you will have access to the "Lords Council" Facebook group, which makes all the decisions about the Patreon campaign.


🎤 Standing invite to our video chats, evening smoke-and-a-drink sessions, etc. 


💸 Free tuition to any one course (up to $500) taught by our training partners each calendar year. (Class cost only, range fees, travel, ammo, etc. remain your responsibility, and only eligible after your first year of leal service.)


👊 Everybody has to call you M'Lord or M'Lady Morningwood.


💰 Access to House Morningwood's armory (known in certain circles as the "Gear Whore Buyers Club.")


         ⚔️ Includes discount codes up to 60% on major
         manufacturers and retailers.*


💢 The sigil of House Morningwood delivered by courier to your door (morale patch) after 3 months...if you remind us.


✉️ Standing invite to Breach-Bang-Clear gatherings, rallies, hoedowns, and hootenannies. 


💋  Membership at Nancy's Squat & Gobble 


🚩 The right to bear the sigil of House Morningwood and speak our words ("Rise Before Dawn")  and your own


 *These will be provided after your first 30 days of membership. 


Goals
70 of 500 patrons
Our advertising currently covers some of our travel, a little bit of our ammo, and a small stipend for our some of our writers, some of the time.

Hitting 500 patrons should allow us not only to pay all of our writers a little bit, we'll be able to bring on a part-time editor. We'd also prob'ly have enough left over to buy some 40s and celebrate the fact that people are actually giving us money to do this.
1 of 3
Don't run off, for fuck's sake. We put a lot of work into this!

Welcome to the Tactical Buyers Club.

It's the Reader Support Page for the Mad Duo and the Breach-Bang-Clear  Minions

Why should you pledge yourself to 
Bend the knee to House Morning wood?

     There are lotsa reasons. Here are a few. 


1. $1/month (smallfolk) to join our discussion group ( Nancy's Squat & Gobble ), get recurring discounts on gear, and access closed articles and loot.
  
2. $5/month or more (e.g.  Sworn Sword and Hedge Knight, etc.) allows you into the  Morningwood Bazaar VIP area. This virtual marketplace features numerous coupon codes and members-only purchase opportunities for up to 60% off. (this is from a badass lineup of manufacturers and instructors, as explained below.)

3. You can say you're a member of House Morningwood and display our sigil, which lets face it is some funny shit. (Especially if you're a bastard knight, right Ser Bone?)



You know who we are. You know what we do, and you know why we do it.

It takes money to make this happen, though. We need to pay our writers (though we tend to joke that most don't deserve it). We need ammunition for training and evaluation. We require funding to require travel. Although we do have a small number of badass advertisers, they are not sufficient to let us operate with complete autonomy. 

That's why we created the Morningwood Bazaar and rebuilt Ye Olde Nancy's Squat & Gobble. 

The Morningwood Bazaar | Current Participants

You support us, we'll give you your own unique content and the opportunity to save from 10% to 60% on a number of badass tactical and outdoor brands.

Total companies involved now 27; details here
Adams Arms
Agilite
ATEi
Ballistic Advantage
Bastion Gear
Combat Flip Flops
Dark Angel Medical
Flagrant Beard
GEMTECH Silencers
Grey Ghost Gear
Grey Ghost Precision
Griffon Industries
KE Arms
MDFI
Modern Spartan Systems
Next Level Training (SIRT)
Quantico Tactical
PHLster 
Pitbull Tactical
Propper Apparel
Proven Arms & Outfitters
Raven Concealment
Savoy Leather
Shield Arms
Tactical Tailor
Thyrm
US Elite Gear

We appreciate your help and hope you'll spread the word.

Back to Top

More here




Praise from longtime readers:


"I don't believe any of what I hear, half of what I see, or a quarter of what I think, but you can take what Breach-Bang-Clear tells you as gospel." Jack Burton, Porkchop Express Shipping Ltd.

"Thank God Breach-Bang-Clear is headquartered in Freedom, Oklahoma and not Liberal, Kansas. Nothing could be more fitting - except maybe for Liberty, Texas. Keep up the good work, gentlemen." Ronald Reagan

"I read Breach-Bang-Clear to keep abreast of current events, educate myself on tactical and defensive matters, and maintain an erection that lasts at least four hours." Crawdad Jim (some homeless guy we paid for an endorsement)

RISE BEFORE DAWN!

Recent posts by House Morningwood

Tiers
Smallfolk [Sworn to House Morningwood]
$1 or more per month
Thank you, thank you, a thousand times thank you. Do not consider yourself as a menial, unwashed peasant (though you probably are). Think of yourself the foundation of our Great House. 


Reward: 


🚩 The right to bear the sigil of House Morningwood and speak our words ("Rise Before Dawn")


💋 Membership in Nancy's Squat & Gobble.


💵 Occasional discount codes for high end manufacturers and retailers of tactical equipment and accessories. *These will be provided after your first 30 days of membership.

Sworn Sword
$5 or more per month
 

Upon the backs of such men-at-arms and shieldmaidens as you are the armies of House Morningwood build. We will spend your coin wisely. 


REWARD: 


 💵  Access to the House Morningwood Armory (known in certain circles as the "Gear Whore Buyers Club.") 

     

     ⚔️ Includes 10-25% discount codes from 10% to 25% on
    major manufacturers and retailers.*


✉️ Standing invite to Breach-Bang-Clear gatherings, rallies, hoedowns, and hootenannies. 


💋  Membership at Nancy's Squat & Gobble 


🚩 The right to bear the sigil of House Morningwood and speak our words ("Rise Before Dawn") 



Your support shall help us in many ways, allowing us to:

  

● continue educating and edifying our readers

● do battle with the dumbing-down of society

● rage against the decline of civil discourse

● rescue damsels in distress

● deflower the occasional maiden


 *These will be provided after your first 30 days of membership. 


Hedge Knight
$10 or more per month
Welcome Ser, and thank you!  You may be the dregs of the knightly orders, but we'll take your money! 



 REWARD:  

 

👊 Everybody has to call you Ser (though it is your responsibility to enforce this rule). 


💰 Access to House Morningwood's armory (known in certain circles as the "Gear Whore Buyers Club.")

 

     ⚔️ Includes discount codes up to 50% on major
         manufacturers and retailers.*


💢 The sigil of House Morningwood delivered by courier to your door (morale patch) after 3 months...if you remind us.


✉️ Standing invite to Breach-Bang-Clear gatherings, rallies, hoedowns, and hootenannies. 


💋  Membership at Nancy's Squat & Gobble 


🚩 The right to bear the sigil of House Morningwood and speak our words ("Rise Before Dawn") 




Bastard Knight of Morningwood ("Bone")
$13.69 or more per month
Tales of your valor, strength of arms, and feats of fuckery are known across the land.
 

You will henceforth carry the surname Bone, and display the Bend Sinister upon your heraldry.
 

REWARD
 

💸 20% off tuition to any one course (up to $500) taught by any one our training partners each calendar year. (Class cost only, range fees, travel, ammo, etc. remain your responsibility.) 
 

👊 Everybody has to call you Ser Bone of Morningwood.                                                                  *snicker*

 

💰 Access to House Morningwood's armory (known in certain circles as the "Gear Whore Buyers Club.")

        ⚔️ Includes discount codes up to 60% on major          manufacturers and retailers.*
 

💢 The sigil of House Morningwood delivered by courier to your door (morale patch) after 3 months...if you remind us.
 

✉️ Standing invite to Breach-Bang-Clear gatherings, rallies, hoedowns, and hootenannies. 
 

💋  Membership at Nancy's Squat & Gobble 
 

🚩 The right to bear the sigil of House Morningwood and speak our words ("Rise Before Dawn") 


 *These will be provided after your first 30 days of membership. 

Knight Bannerman
$25 or more per month
Knight Bannerman of House Morningwood:

We accept your pledge, Ser, and look forward to watching you slaughter our enemies. Death to all who oppose us! (Unless they have cake.)


REWARD


🏰 Claim your own sigil, with words, and we'll display it on our website. We reserve the right to approve your heraldry and sigil.  


💸 40% off tuition to any one course (up to $500) taught by our training partners each calendar year. (Class cost only, range fees, travel, ammo, etc. remain your responsibility.) *eligible after 6 months of leal service.  


🎁 Access to Morningwood loot whenever it is available (holsters and knives engraved with our sigil, that sort of thing).  


👊 Everybody has to call you Ser, and defer to you even if you're being a dick. 


💰 Access to House Morningwood's armory, the "Morningwood Bazaar" (known in certain circles as the "Gear Whore Buyers Club.")

         

         ⚔️ Includes discount codes up to 60% on major
         manufacturers and retailers.*


💢 The sigil of House Morningwood delivered by courier to your door (morale patch) after 3 months...if you remind us.


✉️ Standing invite to Breach-Bang-Clear gatherings, rallies, hoedowns, and hootenannies. 


💋  Membership at Nancy's Squat & Gobble 


🚩 The right to bear the sigil of House Morningwood and speak our words ("Rise Before Dawn") 

 

*These will be provided after your first 30 days of membership. 

Lord (Lady) Bannerman of Morningwood
$50 or more per month
We will reward such leal service, M'Lord (or M'lady), and make a big deal out of you even if you don't deserve it. Prepare your banner!


REWARD: 


🏰 🏠 Establish your own sworn house and sigil, with words, and we'll display it on our website as a part of JTF Awesome. We reserve the right to approve your heraldry and sigil. 


📦 Where legal we'll send you an engraved House Morningwood AR15 upper receiver. If you remind us. Speed of delivery will be dependent upon our supplier/engraver. This will be after 6 months of leal service. 


🎁 Free loot whenever we have it available (holsters and knives engraved with our sigil, that sort of thing). 


⌨️ If requested, you will have access to the "Lords Council" Facebook group, which makes all the decisions about the Patreon campaign.


🎤 Standing invite to our video chats, evening smoke-and-a-drink sessions, etc. 


💸 Free tuition to any one course (up to $500) taught by our training partners each calendar year. (Class cost only, range fees, travel, ammo, etc. remain your responsibility, and only eligible after your first year of leal service.)


👊 Everybody has to call you M'Lord or M'Lady Morningwood.


💰 Access to House Morningwood's armory (known in certain circles as the "Gear Whore Buyers Club.")


         ⚔️ Includes discount codes up to 60% on major
         manufacturers and retailers.*


💢 The sigil of House Morningwood delivered by courier to your door (morale patch) after 3 months...if you remind us.


✉️ Standing invite to Breach-Bang-Clear gatherings, rallies, hoedowns, and hootenannies. 


💋  Membership at Nancy's Squat & Gobble 


🚩 The right to bear the sigil of House Morningwood and speak our words ("Rise Before Dawn")  and your own


 *These will be provided after your first 30 days of membership.