House Morningwood is creating an army to battle tomfuckery.
89
patrons
Don't run off, dammit! We put a lot of work into this!

Welcome to Breach-Bang-Clear's Tactical Buyers Club, aka "House Morningwood." 

Think Sam's Club, Costco, AAA, AARP or the Diners Club, but focused on gear & training. 

Back us. Membership is worth the money.

Why should you pledge yourself to House Morning wood?

     There are lotsa reasons, and they are all very...



1. $1/month (smallfolk) to join our discussion group ( Nancy's Squat & Gobble ), get recurring discounts on gear, and access closed articles and loot.
  
2. $5/month or more (e.g.  Sworn Sword and Hedge Knight, etc.) allows you into the  Morningwood Bazaar VIP area. This virtual marketplace features numerous coupon codes and members-only purchase opportunities for up to 60% off. (this is from a badass lineup of manufacturers and instructors, as explained below.)

3. You can say you're a member of House Morningwood and display our sigil, which let's face it is some funny shit. (Especially if you're a bastard knight, right Ser Bone?)

A great community. Dozens of great companies. Irreverence and serious conversation intertwined...



You know who we are. You know what we do, and you know why we do it. 

It takes money to make this happen, though. 



We need to pay our writers (though we joke that most don't deserve it). We need ammunition for training and for fodder for cool pictures so we look good on Instagram. We require funding to travel and afford good bourbon, because taking a bus sucks and Old Crow tastes like ass. Although we do have a small number of badass advertisers, they are not sufficient to let us operate with complete autonomy. 

That's why we created the Morningwood Bazaar and rebuilt Ye Olde Nancy's Squat & Gobble. 

The Morningwood Bazaar | Current Participants

You support us, we'll give you your own unique content and the opportunity to save from 10% to 60% on a number of badass tactical and outdoor brands.

There are a total of over two dozen companies involved to date. If you buy more than a couple of firearm accessories or pieces of good kit in the next year it'll have paid for itself.

So. Knowing what you know now, is there any reason not to spend a buck or five (or twenty-five) to support us?

 


See all the companies involved here at the Morningwood Bazaar

 

⚔️ Links for  Sworn Swords 🚩  


⚔️ Lords ⚔️ Knight Bannerman ⚔️ Bastard Knights ⚔️ Hedge Knights ⚔️ Bannerman ⚔️ Smallfolk

Back to Top

🏰


RISE BEFORE DAWN!

Tiers
Smallfolk [Sworn to House Morningwood]
$1 or more per month

Thank you, thank you, a thousand times thank you. Do not consider yourself as a menial, unwashed peasant (though you probably are). You may be the lowliest and most pathetic of our bannermen, but don't focus on that; rather, think of yourself the foundation of our Great House. 


Reward: 


🚩 The right to bear the sigil of House Morningwood and speak our words ("Rise Before Dawn")


💋 Membership in Nancy's Squat & Gobble.


💵 Occasional discount codes for high end manufacturers and retailers of tactical equipment and accessories. *These will be provided after your first 30 days of membership.

Bannermen
$5 or more per month

 

Upon the backs of such men-at-arms and shieldmaidens as you are the armies of House Morningwood build. We will spend your coin wisely. 


REWARD: 


 💵  Access to the House Morningwood Bazaar (known in certain circles as the "Tactical Buyers Club")

     

     ⚔️ Includes 10-25% discount codes from 10% to 25% on
    major manufacturers and retailers.*


✉️ Standing invite to Breach-Bang-Clear gatherings, rallies, hoedowns, and hootenannies. 


💋  Membership at Nancy's Squat & Gobble 


🚩 The right to bear the sigil of House Morningwood and speak our words ("Rise Before Dawn") 



Your support shall help us in many ways, allowing us to:

  

● continue educating and edifying our readers

● do battle with the dumbing-down of society

● rage against the decline of civil discourse

● rescue damsels in distress

● deflower the occasional maiden


 *These will be provided after your first 30 days of membership. 


Hedge Knight
$10 or more per month

Welcome Ser, and thank you!  You may be the dregs of the knightly orders, but we'll take your money! Thank you for becoming a Sworn Sword and dedicating yourself to the cause of Morning Wood. 



 REWARD:  

 

👊 Everybody has to call you Ser (though it is your responsibility to enforce this rule). 


💰 Access to House Morningwood's Bazaar (known in certain circles as the "Tactical Buyers Club.")

 

⚔️ Includes discount codes up to 50% on major manufacturers and retailers.*


💢 The sigil of House Morningwood delivered by courier to your door (morale patch) after 3 months...you will probably have to remind us, though.


✉️ Standing invite to Breach-Bang-Clear gatherings, rallies, hoedowns, and hootenannies. 


💋  Membership at Nancy's Squat & Gobble 


🚩 The right to bear the sigil of House Morningwood and speak our words ("Rise Before Dawn") 




Bastard Knight of Morningwood ("Bone")
$13.69 or more per month

Tales of your valor, strength of arms, and feats of fuckery are known across the land.
 

You will henceforth carry the surname Bone, and display the Bend Sinister upon your heraldry.
 

REWARD
 

💸 20% off tuition to any one course (up to $500) taught by any one our training partners each calendar year. (Class cost only, range fees, travel, ammo, etc. remain your responsibility.) 
 

👊 Everybody has to call you Ser Bone of Morningwood.                                                                  *snicker*

 

💰 Access to House Morningwood's armory and Bazaar (known in certain circles as the "Tactical Buyers Club.")


        ⚔️ Includes discount codes up to 60% on major          manufacturers and retailers.*
 

💢 The sigil of House Morningwood delivered by courier to your door (morale patch) after 3 months...if you remind us.
 

✉️ Standing invite to Breach-Bang-Clear gatherings, rallies, hoedowns, and hootenannies. 
 

💋  Membership at Nancy's Squat & Gobble 
 

🚩 The right to bear the sigil of House Morningwood and speak our words ("Rise Before Dawn") 


 *These will be provided after your first 30 days of membership. 

Knight Bannerman
$25 or more per month

Knight Bannerman of House Morningwood:

We accept your pledge, Ser, and look forward to watching you slaughter our enemies. Death to all who oppose us! (Unless they have cake or good bourbon.)


REWARD


🏰 Claim your own sigil, with words, and we'll display it on our website. We reserve the right to approve your heraldry and sigil.  


💸 Varying percentages off tuition to any one course (up to $500) taught by our training partners each calendar year. (Class cost only, range fees, travel, ammo, etc. remain your responsibility.) 


*eligible after 6 months of leal service. 

 *  * This was originally 40%, but that number is not practical for some instructors, so it will now vary from manufacturer to manufacturer. 


🎁 Access to Morningwood loot whenever it is available (holsters and knives engraved with our sigil, that sort of thing).  


👊 Everybody has to call you Ser, and defer to you even if you're being a dick. 


💰 Access to House Morningwood's armory, the "Morningwood Bazaar" (known in certain circles as the "Tactical Buyers Club.")

         

         ⚔️ Includes discount codes up to 60% on major
         manufacturers and retailers.*


💢 The sigil of House Morningwood delivered by courier to your door (morale patch) after 3 months...if you remind us.


✉️ Standing invite to Breach-Bang-Clear gatherings, rallies, hoedowns, and hootenannies. 


💋  Membership at Nancy's Squat & Gobble 


🚩 The right to bear the sigil of House Morningwood and speak our words ("Rise Before Dawn") 

 

*These will be provided after your first 30 days of membership. 

Lord (Lady) of Morningwood
$50 or more per month

We will reward such leal service, M'Lord (or M'lady), and make a big deal out of you even if you don't deserve it. Prepare your banner!


REWARD: 


🏰 🏠 Establish your own sworn house and sigil, with words, and we'll display it on our website as a part of JTF Awesome. We reserve the right to approve your heraldry and sigil. 


📦 Where legal we'll send you an engraved House Morningwood AR15 upper receiver.* If you remind us. Speed of delivery will be dependent upon our supplier/engraver. This will be after 6 months of leal service. 


🎁 Free loot whenever we have it available (holsters and knives engraved with our sigil, that sort of thing). 


⌨️ If requested, you will have access to the "Lords Council" Facebook group, which makes all the decisions about the Patreon campaign.


🎤 Standing invite to our video chats, evening smoke-and-a-drink sessions, etc. 


💸 Free tuition to any one course (up to $500) taught by our training partners each calendar year. (Class cost only, range fees, travel, ammo, etc. remain your responsibility, and only eligible after your first year of leal service.)


👊 Everybody has to call you M'Lord or M'Lady Morningwood.


💰 Access to House Morningwood's Morningwood Bazaar (known in some circles as the "Tactical Buyers Club"). 


         ⚔️ Includes discount codes up to 60% on major
         manufacturers and retailers.**


💢 The sigil of House Morningwood delivered by courier to your door (morale patch) after 3 months...if you remind us.


✉️ Standing invite to Breach-Bang-Clear gatherings, rallies, hoedowns, and hootenannies. 


💋  Membership at Nancy's Squat & Gobble 


🚩 The right to bear the sigil of House Morningwood and speak our words ("Rise Before Dawn")  and your own


*1/25/19 this may change - it may be more efficient for us to do a stripped lower receiver, which is better for you anyway. Will advise.

**These will be provided after your first 30 days of membership. 


Goals
89 of 500 patrons
Our advertising currently covers some of our travel, a little bit of our ammo, and a small stipend for our some of our writers, some of the time.

Hitting 500 patrons should allow us not only to pay all of our writers a little bit, we'll be able to bring on a part-time editor. We'd also prob'ly have enough left over to buy some 40s and celebrate the fact that people are actually giving us money to do this.
1 of 3
Don't run off, dammit! We put a lot of work into this!

Welcome to Breach-Bang-Clear's Tactical Buyers Club, aka "House Morningwood." 

Think Sam's Club, Costco, AAA, AARP or the Diners Club, but focused on gear & training. 

Back us. Membership is worth the money.

Why should you pledge yourself to House Morning wood?

     There are lotsa reasons, and they are all very...



1. $1/month (smallfolk) to join our discussion group ( Nancy's Squat & Gobble ), get recurring discounts on gear, and access closed articles and loot.
  
2. $5/month or more (e.g.  Sworn Sword and Hedge Knight, etc.) allows you into the  Morningwood Bazaar VIP area. This virtual marketplace features numerous coupon codes and members-only purchase opportunities for up to 60% off. (this is from a badass lineup of manufacturers and instructors, as explained below.)

3. You can say you're a member of House Morningwood and display our sigil, which let's face it is some funny shit. (Especially if you're a bastard knight, right Ser Bone?)

A great community. Dozens of great companies. Irreverence and serious conversation intertwined...



You know who we are. You know what we do, and you know why we do it. 

It takes money to make this happen, though. 



We need to pay our writers (though we joke that most don't deserve it). We need ammunition for training and for fodder for cool pictures so we look good on Instagram. We require funding to travel and afford good bourbon, because taking a bus sucks and Old Crow tastes like ass. Although we do have a small number of badass advertisers, they are not sufficient to let us operate with complete autonomy. 

That's why we created the Morningwood Bazaar and rebuilt Ye Olde Nancy's Squat & Gobble. 

The Morningwood Bazaar | Current Participants

You support us, we'll give you your own unique content and the opportunity to save from 10% to 60% on a number of badass tactical and outdoor brands.

There are a total of over two dozen companies involved to date. If you buy more than a couple of firearm accessories or pieces of good kit in the next year it'll have paid for itself.

So. Knowing what you know now, is there any reason not to spend a buck or five (or twenty-five) to support us?

 


See all the companies involved here at the Morningwood Bazaar

 

⚔️ Links for  Sworn Swords 🚩  


⚔️ Lords ⚔️ Knight Bannerman ⚔️ Bastard Knights ⚔️ Hedge Knights ⚔️ Bannerman ⚔️ Smallfolk

Back to Top

🏰


RISE BEFORE DAWN!

Recent posts by House Morningwood

Tiers
Smallfolk [Sworn to House Morningwood]
$1 or more per month

Thank you, thank you, a thousand times thank you. Do not consider yourself as a menial, unwashed peasant (though you probably are). You may be the lowliest and most pathetic of our bannermen, but don't focus on that; rather, think of yourself the foundation of our Great House. 


Reward: 


🚩 The right to bear the sigil of House Morningwood and speak our words ("Rise Before Dawn")


💋 Membership in Nancy's Squat & Gobble.


💵 Occasional discount codes for high end manufacturers and retailers of tactical equipment and accessories. *These will be provided after your first 30 days of membership.

Bannermen
$5 or more per month

 

Upon the backs of such men-at-arms and shieldmaidens as you are the armies of House Morningwood build. We will spend your coin wisely. 


REWARD: 


 💵  Access to the House Morningwood Bazaar (known in certain circles as the "Tactical Buyers Club")

     

     ⚔️ Includes 10-25% discount codes from 10% to 25% on
    major manufacturers and retailers.*


✉️ Standing invite to Breach-Bang-Clear gatherings, rallies, hoedowns, and hootenannies. 


💋  Membership at Nancy's Squat & Gobble 


🚩 The right to bear the sigil of House Morningwood and speak our words ("Rise Before Dawn") 



Your support shall help us in many ways, allowing us to:

  

● continue educating and edifying our readers

● do battle with the dumbing-down of society

● rage against the decline of civil discourse

● rescue damsels in distress

● deflower the occasional maiden


 *These will be provided after your first 30 days of membership. 


Hedge Knight
$10 or more per month

Welcome Ser, and thank you!  You may be the dregs of the knightly orders, but we'll take your money! Thank you for becoming a Sworn Sword and dedicating yourself to the cause of Morning Wood. 



 REWARD:  

 

👊 Everybody has to call you Ser (though it is your responsibility to enforce this rule). 


💰 Access to House Morningwood's Bazaar (known in certain circles as the "Tactical Buyers Club.")

 

⚔️ Includes discount codes up to 50% on major manufacturers and retailers.*


💢 The sigil of House Morningwood delivered by courier to your door (morale patch) after 3 months...you will probably have to remind us, though.


✉️ Standing invite to Breach-Bang-Clear gatherings, rallies, hoedowns, and hootenannies. 


💋  Membership at Nancy's Squat & Gobble 


🚩 The right to bear the sigil of House Morningwood and speak our words ("Rise Before Dawn") 




Bastard Knight of Morningwood ("Bone")
$13.69 or more per month

Tales of your valor, strength of arms, and feats of fuckery are known across the land.
 

You will henceforth carry the surname Bone, and display the Bend Sinister upon your heraldry.
 

REWARD
 

💸 20% off tuition to any one course (up to $500) taught by any one our training partners each calendar year. (Class cost only, range fees, travel, ammo, etc. remain your responsibility.) 
 

👊 Everybody has to call you Ser Bone of Morningwood.                                                                  *snicker*

 

💰 Access to House Morningwood's armory and Bazaar (known in certain circles as the "Tactical Buyers Club.")


        ⚔️ Includes discount codes up to 60% on major          manufacturers and retailers.*
 

💢 The sigil of House Morningwood delivered by courier to your door (morale patch) after 3 months...if you remind us.
 

✉️ Standing invite to Breach-Bang-Clear gatherings, rallies, hoedowns, and hootenannies. 
 

💋  Membership at Nancy's Squat & Gobble 
 

🚩 The right to bear the sigil of House Morningwood and speak our words ("Rise Before Dawn") 


 *These will be provided after your first 30 days of membership. 

Knight Bannerman
$25 or more per month

Knight Bannerman of House Morningwood:

We accept your pledge, Ser, and look forward to watching you slaughter our enemies. Death to all who oppose us! (Unless they have cake or good bourbon.)


REWARD


🏰 Claim your own sigil, with words, and we'll display it on our website. We reserve the right to approve your heraldry and sigil.  


💸 Varying percentages off tuition to any one course (up to $500) taught by our training partners each calendar year. (Class cost only, range fees, travel, ammo, etc. remain your responsibility.) 


*eligible after 6 months of leal service. 

 *  * This was originally 40%, but that number is not practical for some instructors, so it will now vary from manufacturer to manufacturer. 


🎁 Access to Morningwood loot whenever it is available (holsters and knives engraved with our sigil, that sort of thing).  


👊 Everybody has to call you Ser, and defer to you even if you're being a dick. 


💰 Access to House Morningwood's armory, the "Morningwood Bazaar" (known in certain circles as the "Tactical Buyers Club.")

         

         ⚔️ Includes discount codes up to 60% on major
         manufacturers and retailers.*


💢 The sigil of House Morningwood delivered by courier to your door (morale patch) after 3 months...if you remind us.


✉️ Standing invite to Breach-Bang-Clear gatherings, rallies, hoedowns, and hootenannies. 


💋  Membership at Nancy's Squat & Gobble 


🚩 The right to bear the sigil of House Morningwood and speak our words ("Rise Before Dawn") 

 

*These will be provided after your first 30 days of membership. 

Lord (Lady) of Morningwood
$50 or more per month

We will reward such leal service, M'Lord (or M'lady), and make a big deal out of you even if you don't deserve it. Prepare your banner!


REWARD: 


🏰 🏠 Establish your own sworn house and sigil, with words, and we'll display it on our website as a part of JTF Awesome. We reserve the right to approve your heraldry and sigil. 


📦 Where legal we'll send you an engraved House Morningwood AR15 upper receiver.* If you remind us. Speed of delivery will be dependent upon our supplier/engraver. This will be after 6 months of leal service. 


🎁 Free loot whenever we have it available (holsters and knives engraved with our sigil, that sort of thing). 


⌨️ If requested, you will have access to the "Lords Council" Facebook group, which makes all the decisions about the Patreon campaign.


🎤 Standing invite to our video chats, evening smoke-and-a-drink sessions, etc. 


💸 Free tuition to any one course (up to $500) taught by our training partners each calendar year. (Class cost only, range fees, travel, ammo, etc. remain your responsibility, and only eligible after your first year of leal service.)


👊 Everybody has to call you M'Lord or M'Lady Morningwood.


💰 Access to House Morningwood's Morningwood Bazaar (known in some circles as the "Tactical Buyers Club"). 


         ⚔️ Includes discount codes up to 60% on major
         manufacturers and retailers.**


💢 The sigil of House Morningwood delivered by courier to your door (morale patch) after 3 months...if you remind us.


✉️ Standing invite to Breach-Bang-Clear gatherings, rallies, hoedowns, and hootenannies. 


💋  Membership at Nancy's Squat & Gobble 


🚩 The right to bear the sigil of House Morningwood and speak our words ("Rise Before Dawn")  and your own


*1/25/19 this may change - it may be more efficient for us to do a stripped lower receiver, which is better for you anyway. Will advise.

**These will be provided after your first 30 days of membership.