Linoleum Knife is creating Podcasts
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Hello. We are Linoleum Knife. You are a Linoleum Knife listener. It's time, we believe, to make this official. It's time for you to join our club. 

This club has only one membership requirement: your money. Once we have your money, we will buy ingredients to make pastries. Then we will make those pastries. Then we will eat those pastries just before or after creating a podcast. Never during.

No matter which level of membership you choose -- and they start cheap -- you're getting exciting prizes. LKTV for starters. But also household items emblazoned with the name of a podcast you constantly have to explain to friends.

So look at the levels and figure out which exciting prizes excite you the most. Think about which level is right for you. They all are, but you can pick only one.

2019 ALL-CAPS UPDATE SO PAY ATTENTION, PLEASE:

Are you already an LK Club Member? You are? Great. We want you to stay with us and never leave. 

To that end, we will have a couple new 2019 prizes for you. Some of those prizes are actual merchandise. Some of those prizes are content that we're very excited to crank up and make. Maybe you'll want to change your subscription level to get some of those new prizes. Maybe you won't. No matter what level you're at, you're probably getting something new. Go read about that new stuff over here to your right. Right now. Do it. 




Tiers
GOLDEN TICKET
$1 or more per month

You get the LINOLEUM KNIFE sticker mailed to your home. You get LK Rx, a daily cultural recommendation just for Club Members: films, TV, music, our favorite candy, whatever. We're also figuring out how to make exclusive video available for this level, so there'll be more information coming on that.

AUGUSTUS
$4 or more per month

You get everything the $1 level gets AND:

You get LKTV, a Podcast of The Television. Special guests. Burning issues. A sincere devotion to 90 DAY FIANCE.

VIOLET
$7 or more per month

You get everything the $1 and $4 levels get AND:

You get all future episodes of LINOLEUM KNIFE PRESENTS MORE LINOLEUM KNIFE (we try to get those out every other month or so and sometimes we succeed but not always). And most importantly you get LINOLEUM KNIFE + FORK, a food podcast hosted by two film critics. Did you like it all those times we interrupted an endless ramble about cinema's Romanian New Wave to talk about the biscuits Dave was baking? Well, then, you'll like LK+F, a podcast of the food.

VERUCA
$12 or more per month

You get everything the $1, $4, and $7 levels get AND:

You get Dave's EXILE IN GUYVILLE audiobook (if you've already been a subscriber at this level, you can have one sent to a friend or enemy). You get to be a part of our monthly CLUB MEETING. That happens one Saturday night each month. We watch a movie, streaming it together, and chat about it all live on the internet.

You also get your choice of 1 prize. In the past these prizes have included LK Christmas ornaments, LK+F magnets, LK t-shirts, tote bags, mugs, as well as the so-far-very-popular PRIVATE KNIFE (see descriptions of all prizes below).


This year there will be some new items, and information about them is coming. Dave will be posting and re-posting pics of these items to keep you informed and to remind you to tell him what you want so that he can maintain his very friendly relationship with the ladies who work at the local post office.


As of January 2019, we have the following prizes in stock:


The LINOLEUM KNIFE CHRISTMAS TREE ORNAMENT. For years Alonso bothered Dave to make this a prize. Dave finally gave in. It's shiny black and says LINOLEUM KNIFE on it, just like the t-shirt.

The LINOLEUM KNIFE + FORK refrigerator magnet. No flat or flimsy business card magnet for us. This is a tiny little block of power. The design reflects Alonso's inventive way of letting you know which show you've chosen to enjoy.


PRIVATE KNIFE, a short podcast of you. At least 15 minutes of yammering and possibly more if we're very inspired. You give us the topic* (*One we can all agree on.) Then we talk and send it to you and only you. Is it your birthday? Your anniversary? Want to surprise a friend with a podcast just for them? Here is your chance to be our boss.


The LINOLEUM KNIFE enamel badge. It's small and it gleams.


SHIRTS. The Ed Luce cartoon crest shirt, the white shirt with LINOLEUM KNIFE in black letters (these are almost gone, btw), the black shirt that's just a picture of our personal vintage linoleum knife. Working on a new 2019 design so stay tuned.


MUGS: The original LINOLEUM KNIFE mug, the Ed Luce cartoon crest mug. Drink all day!


TOTE BAGS: out of stock at the moment, more coming.

MIKE
$16 or more per month

You get everything the $1, $4, $7, and $12 levels get AND:

And you get LINOLEUM NIGHTS, a podcast of the evening.

Once upon a time, a creative listener requested a show he dreamed up called LINOLEUM KNIFE AFTER DARK, in which we would discuss all those taboo subjects we never mention on the original, free, clean, no-swears show. We liked that idea because we like profanity. But we also like the idea of a freeform show with no agenda. The added bonus of this one is that it's done on camera, via a members-only Facebook Live video, so you can watch it while it's happening. Or later. Or just listen to it. Whatever.

[PS, Dear all 2016 Club Members. You still get your zines that this level promised. That was one of Dave's many personal failures of 2016 and he will not rest until he's made it up to you. Ok, actually, he will rest each night and also take an afternoon nap. But you still get the zines, promise. Think of it as the Slow Cinema of Dave.]

CHARLIE
$20 or more per month

You get everything from the other levels AND:


2 prizes (see descriptions included in the $12 explanation)


What makes this level really different is that you get LK SELECTOR. With LK SELECTOR, you will receive 3 specially chosen cultural objects per year, some selected by Alonso, some by Dave. Movies we like, books we're reading, music we're into, who knows what else, there are no rules. We ship them to you. You enjoy them. Then we gather together online and talk about the thing. We have impeccable taste so you know this stuff is going to be good.

Hello. We are Linoleum Knife. You are a Linoleum Knife listener. It's time, we believe, to make this official. It's time for you to join our club. 

This club has only one membership requirement: your money. Once we have your money, we will buy ingredients to make pastries. Then we will make those pastries. Then we will eat those pastries just before or after creating a podcast. Never during.

No matter which level of membership you choose -- and they start cheap -- you're getting exciting prizes. LKTV for starters. But also household items emblazoned with the name of a podcast you constantly have to explain to friends.

So look at the levels and figure out which exciting prizes excite you the most. Think about which level is right for you. They all are, but you can pick only one.

2019 ALL-CAPS UPDATE SO PAY ATTENTION, PLEASE:

Are you already an LK Club Member? You are? Great. We want you to stay with us and never leave. 

To that end, we will have a couple new 2019 prizes for you. Some of those prizes are actual merchandise. Some of those prizes are content that we're very excited to crank up and make. Maybe you'll want to change your subscription level to get some of those new prizes. Maybe you won't. No matter what level you're at, you're probably getting something new. Go read about that new stuff over here to your right. Right now. Do it. 




Recent posts by Linoleum Knife

Tiers
GOLDEN TICKET
$1 or more per month

You get the LINOLEUM KNIFE sticker mailed to your home. You get LK Rx, a daily cultural recommendation just for Club Members: films, TV, music, our favorite candy, whatever. We're also figuring out how to make exclusive video available for this level, so there'll be more information coming on that.

AUGUSTUS
$4 or more per month

You get everything the $1 level gets AND:

You get LKTV, a Podcast of The Television. Special guests. Burning issues. A sincere devotion to 90 DAY FIANCE.

VIOLET
$7 or more per month

You get everything the $1 and $4 levels get AND:

You get all future episodes of LINOLEUM KNIFE PRESENTS MORE LINOLEUM KNIFE (we try to get those out every other month or so and sometimes we succeed but not always). And most importantly you get LINOLEUM KNIFE + FORK, a food podcast hosted by two film critics. Did you like it all those times we interrupted an endless ramble about cinema's Romanian New Wave to talk about the biscuits Dave was baking? Well, then, you'll like LK+F, a podcast of the food.

VERUCA
$12 or more per month

You get everything the $1, $4, and $7 levels get AND:

You get Dave's EXILE IN GUYVILLE audiobook (if you've already been a subscriber at this level, you can have one sent to a friend or enemy). You get to be a part of our monthly CLUB MEETING. That happens one Saturday night each month. We watch a movie, streaming it together, and chat about it all live on the internet.

You also get your choice of 1 prize. In the past these prizes have included LK Christmas ornaments, LK+F magnets, LK t-shirts, tote bags, mugs, as well as the so-far-very-popular PRIVATE KNIFE (see descriptions of all prizes below).


This year there will be some new items, and information about them is coming. Dave will be posting and re-posting pics of these items to keep you informed and to remind you to tell him what you want so that he can maintain his very friendly relationship with the ladies who work at the local post office.


As of January 2019, we have the following prizes in stock:


The LINOLEUM KNIFE CHRISTMAS TREE ORNAMENT. For years Alonso bothered Dave to make this a prize. Dave finally gave in. It's shiny black and says LINOLEUM KNIFE on it, just like the t-shirt.

The LINOLEUM KNIFE + FORK refrigerator magnet. No flat or flimsy business card magnet for us. This is a tiny little block of power. The design reflects Alonso's inventive way of letting you know which show you've chosen to enjoy.


PRIVATE KNIFE, a short podcast of you. At least 15 minutes of yammering and possibly more if we're very inspired. You give us the topic* (*One we can all agree on.) Then we talk and send it to you and only you. Is it your birthday? Your anniversary? Want to surprise a friend with a podcast just for them? Here is your chance to be our boss.


The LINOLEUM KNIFE enamel badge. It's small and it gleams.


SHIRTS. The Ed Luce cartoon crest shirt, the white shirt with LINOLEUM KNIFE in black letters (these are almost gone, btw), the black shirt that's just a picture of our personal vintage linoleum knife. Working on a new 2019 design so stay tuned.


MUGS: The original LINOLEUM KNIFE mug, the Ed Luce cartoon crest mug. Drink all day!


TOTE BAGS: out of stock at the moment, more coming.

MIKE
$16 or more per month

You get everything the $1, $4, $7, and $12 levels get AND:

And you get LINOLEUM NIGHTS, a podcast of the evening.

Once upon a time, a creative listener requested a show he dreamed up called LINOLEUM KNIFE AFTER DARK, in which we would discuss all those taboo subjects we never mention on the original, free, clean, no-swears show. We liked that idea because we like profanity. But we also like the idea of a freeform show with no agenda. The added bonus of this one is that it's done on camera, via a members-only Facebook Live video, so you can watch it while it's happening. Or later. Or just listen to it. Whatever.

[PS, Dear all 2016 Club Members. You still get your zines that this level promised. That was one of Dave's many personal failures of 2016 and he will not rest until he's made it up to you. Ok, actually, he will rest each night and also take an afternoon nap. But you still get the zines, promise. Think of it as the Slow Cinema of Dave.]

CHARLIE
$20 or more per month

You get everything from the other levels AND:


2 prizes (see descriptions included in the $12 explanation)


What makes this level really different is that you get LK SELECTOR. With LK SELECTOR, you will receive 3 specially chosen cultural objects per year, some selected by Alonso, some by Dave. Movies we like, books we're reading, music we're into, who knows what else, there are no rules. We ship them to you. You enjoy them. Then we gather together online and talk about the thing. We have impeccable taste so you know this stuff is going to be good.