Linoleum Knife is creating Podcasts
395

patrons

$3,716
per month
Hello. We are Linoleum Knife. You are a Linoleum Knife listener. It's time, we believe, to make this official. It's time for you to join our club. 

This club has only one membership requirement: your money. Once we have your money, we will buy ingredients to make pastries. Then we will make those pastries. Then we will eat those pastries just before or after creating a podcast. Never during.

No matter which level of membership you choose -- and they start cheap -- you're getting exciting prizes. LKTV for starters. But also household items emblazoned with the name of a podcast you constantly have to explain to friends.

So look at the levels and figure out which exciting prizes excite you the most. Think about which level is right for you. They all are, but you can pick only one.

2018 ALL-CAPS UPDATE SO PAY ATTENTION, PLEASE:

Are you already an LK Club Member? You are? Great. We want you to stay with us and never leave. 

To that end, we have new prizes for you. Some of those prizes are actual merchandise. Some of those prizes are content that we're very excited to crank up and make. Maybe you'll want to change your subscription level to get some of those new prizes. Maybe you won't. No matter what level you're at, you're probably getting something new. Go read about that new stuff over here to your right. Right now. Do it. 




Tiers
AUGUSTUS
$4 or more per month 126 patrons
You get LKTV, a Podcast of The Television. Special guests. Burning issues. A sincere devotion to FLORIBAMA SHORE. New for 2018: a small, secret prize arriving in your mailbox.
VIOLET
$7 or more per month 103 patrons
You get LKTV. You get all future episodes of LINOLEUM KNIFE PRESENTS MORE LINOLEUM KNIFE (we try to get those out every other month or so and sometimes we succeed but not always). You get that special secret appreciation gift mailed to you. And most importantly you get LINOLEUM KNIFE + FORK, a food podcast hosted by two film critics. Did you like it all those times we interrupted an endless ramble about cinema's Romanian New Wave to talk about the biscuits Dave was baking? Well, then, you'll like LK+F, a podcast of the food.
VERUCA
$12 or more per month 35 patrons
You get LKTV. You get LINOLEUM KNIFE + FORK. You get all future *and* past episodes of LINOLEUM KNIFE PRESENTS MORE LINOLEUM KNIFE. You get Dave's EXILE IN GUYVILLE audiobook (if you've already been a subscriber at this level, you can have one sent to a friend or enemy). You get to be a part of our monthly CLUB MEETING. That happens one Saturday night each month. We watch a movie, streaming it together, and chat about it all live on the internet.

You also get your choice of 1 item (see photos on the main page - you might have to scroll down a bit)

Choose from:
1. The LINOLEUM KNIFE CHRISTMAS TREE ORNAMENT. For the past couple years Alonso has been bothering Dave to make this a prize. Dave finally gave in. Now it's here. It gleams and it says LINOLEUM KNIFE on it. It's going to be a Black Christmas, minus the obscene-phone-call-making murderer in the attic.

2. The LINOLEUM KNIFE + FORK refrigerator magnet. No flat or flimsy business card magnet for us. This is a tiny little block of power. The design reflects Alonso's inventive way of letting you know which show you've chosen to enjoy.


3. PRIVATE KNIFE, a short podcast of you. At least 15 minutes of yammering and possibly more if we're very inspired. You give us the topic* (*One we can all agree on.) Then we talk and send it to you and only you. Is it your birthday? Your anniversary? Want to surprise a friend with a podcast just for them? Here is your chance to be our boss.


4. OR any of 2016/2017 merch while supplies last. This includes the black Ed Luce cartoon crest shirt, the white shirt with LINOLEUM KNIFE in black letters, the black shirt that's just a picture of our personal vintage linoleum knife, the LINOLEUM KNIFE enamel badge, the original LINOLEUM KNIFE mug, the Ed Luce cartoon crest mug, or the black tote bag with LINOLEUM KNIFE, A PODCAST OF THE CINEMA in white letters. Quantities vary (the tote bag and white t-shirts are in very small quantities) so ask us and give us your t-shirt size if necessary.

MIKE
$16 or more per month 54 patrons
You get LKTV.

You get LINOLEUM KNIFE + FORK.

You get all past and future episodes of LINOLEUM KNIFE PRESENTS MORE LINOLEUM KNIFE.

You get the audiobook for EXILE IN GUYVILLE. 

You get your choice of 2 items (see descriptions in the $12 level)

And you get LINOLEUM NIGHTS, a podcast of the evening.

Once upon a time, a creative listener requested a show he dreamed up called LINOLEUM KNIFE AFTER DARK, in which we would discuss all those taboo subjects we never mention on the original, free, clean, no-swears show. We liked that idea because we like profanity. But we also like the idea of a freeform show with no agenda. The added bonus of this one is that it will be done on camera, via a members-only Facebook Live video, so you can watch it while it's happening. Or later. Or just listen to it. Whatever.

PS, Dear all 2016 Club Members. You still get your zines. That was one of Dave's many personal failures of 2016 and he will not rest until he's made it up to you. Ok, actually, he will rest each night and also take an afternoon nap. But you still get the zines, promise. Think of it as the Slow Cinema of Dave.
CHARLIE
$20 or more per month 80 patrons (sold out!)
You get everything from the other levels AND one more item (that means all three of the items offered are yours). What makes this level really different is that you get LK SELECTOR. With LK SELECTOR, you will receive a few specially-chosen cultural objects per year, some selected by Alonso, some by Dave. Movies we like, books we're reading, music we're into, who knows what else, there are no rules. We ship them to you. You enjoy them. Then we gather together online and talk about the thing. We have impeccable taste so you know this stuff is going to be good.
Hello. We are Linoleum Knife. You are a Linoleum Knife listener. It's time, we believe, to make this official. It's time for you to join our club. 

This club has only one membership requirement: your money. Once we have your money, we will buy ingredients to make pastries. Then we will make those pastries. Then we will eat those pastries just before or after creating a podcast. Never during.

No matter which level of membership you choose -- and they start cheap -- you're getting exciting prizes. LKTV for starters. But also household items emblazoned with the name of a podcast you constantly have to explain to friends.

So look at the levels and figure out which exciting prizes excite you the most. Think about which level is right for you. They all are, but you can pick only one.

2018 ALL-CAPS UPDATE SO PAY ATTENTION, PLEASE:

Are you already an LK Club Member? You are? Great. We want you to stay with us and never leave. 

To that end, we have new prizes for you. Some of those prizes are actual merchandise. Some of those prizes are content that we're very excited to crank up and make. Maybe you'll want to change your subscription level to get some of those new prizes. Maybe you won't. No matter what level you're at, you're probably getting something new. Go read about that new stuff over here to your right. Right now. Do it. 




Recent posts by Linoleum Knife

Tiers
AUGUSTUS
$4 or more per month 126 patrons
You get LKTV, a Podcast of The Television. Special guests. Burning issues. A sincere devotion to FLORIBAMA SHORE. New for 2018: a small, secret prize arriving in your mailbox.
VIOLET
$7 or more per month 103 patrons
You get LKTV. You get all future episodes of LINOLEUM KNIFE PRESENTS MORE LINOLEUM KNIFE (we try to get those out every other month or so and sometimes we succeed but not always). You get that special secret appreciation gift mailed to you. And most importantly you get LINOLEUM KNIFE + FORK, a food podcast hosted by two film critics. Did you like it all those times we interrupted an endless ramble about cinema's Romanian New Wave to talk about the biscuits Dave was baking? Well, then, you'll like LK+F, a podcast of the food.
VERUCA
$12 or more per month 35 patrons
You get LKTV. You get LINOLEUM KNIFE + FORK. You get all future *and* past episodes of LINOLEUM KNIFE PRESENTS MORE LINOLEUM KNIFE. You get Dave's EXILE IN GUYVILLE audiobook (if you've already been a subscriber at this level, you can have one sent to a friend or enemy). You get to be a part of our monthly CLUB MEETING. That happens one Saturday night each month. We watch a movie, streaming it together, and chat about it all live on the internet.

You also get your choice of 1 item (see photos on the main page - you might have to scroll down a bit)

Choose from:
1. The LINOLEUM KNIFE CHRISTMAS TREE ORNAMENT. For the past couple years Alonso has been bothering Dave to make this a prize. Dave finally gave in. Now it's here. It gleams and it says LINOLEUM KNIFE on it. It's going to be a Black Christmas, minus the obscene-phone-call-making murderer in the attic.

2. The LINOLEUM KNIFE + FORK refrigerator magnet. No flat or flimsy business card magnet for us. This is a tiny little block of power. The design reflects Alonso's inventive way of letting you know which show you've chosen to enjoy.


3. PRIVATE KNIFE, a short podcast of you. At least 15 minutes of yammering and possibly more if we're very inspired. You give us the topic* (*One we can all agree on.) Then we talk and send it to you and only you. Is it your birthday? Your anniversary? Want to surprise a friend with a podcast just for them? Here is your chance to be our boss.


4. OR any of 2016/2017 merch while supplies last. This includes the black Ed Luce cartoon crest shirt, the white shirt with LINOLEUM KNIFE in black letters, the black shirt that's just a picture of our personal vintage linoleum knife, the LINOLEUM KNIFE enamel badge, the original LINOLEUM KNIFE mug, the Ed Luce cartoon crest mug, or the black tote bag with LINOLEUM KNIFE, A PODCAST OF THE CINEMA in white letters. Quantities vary (the tote bag and white t-shirts are in very small quantities) so ask us and give us your t-shirt size if necessary.

MIKE
$16 or more per month 54 patrons
You get LKTV.

You get LINOLEUM KNIFE + FORK.

You get all past and future episodes of LINOLEUM KNIFE PRESENTS MORE LINOLEUM KNIFE.

You get the audiobook for EXILE IN GUYVILLE. 

You get your choice of 2 items (see descriptions in the $12 level)

And you get LINOLEUM NIGHTS, a podcast of the evening.

Once upon a time, a creative listener requested a show he dreamed up called LINOLEUM KNIFE AFTER DARK, in which we would discuss all those taboo subjects we never mention on the original, free, clean, no-swears show. We liked that idea because we like profanity. But we also like the idea of a freeform show with no agenda. The added bonus of this one is that it will be done on camera, via a members-only Facebook Live video, so you can watch it while it's happening. Or later. Or just listen to it. Whatever.

PS, Dear all 2016 Club Members. You still get your zines. That was one of Dave's many personal failures of 2016 and he will not rest until he's made it up to you. Ok, actually, he will rest each night and also take an afternoon nap. But you still get the zines, promise. Think of it as the Slow Cinema of Dave.
CHARLIE
$20 or more per month 80 patrons (sold out!)
You get everything from the other levels AND one more item (that means all three of the items offered are yours). What makes this level really different is that you get LK SELECTOR. With LK SELECTOR, you will receive a few specially-chosen cultural objects per year, some selected by Alonso, some by Dave. Movies we like, books we're reading, music we're into, who knows what else, there are no rules. We ship them to you. You enjoy them. Then we gather together online and talk about the thing. We have impeccable taste so you know this stuff is going to be good.