Sean Hoade is creating 12 novels

My writing covers many genres and no book is exactly like any of the others. I ask for support to finish my books, and you will be rewarded with signed editions and more. Have a look?

Give $
per month
per month
Milestone Goals
What Ima do if I get to $300 in total pledges.
$300 per month
If I get to a total of $300 in pledges for each book, every supporter will receive a limited edition poster!
How about $600 in pledges per book? Whatcha think Ima do then? Stop saying 'Ima'? Nope!
$600 per month
What I'll do at this ultimate milestone is ask each supporter (who wants to play) to send me a picture of ANY image (except swastikas and such) that they would like me to get. It will be about 2"x2" and will be either on my upper arm or on one of my shoulder blades. Once I have all of the submissions, I'll compile them all into one message and ask everybody to vote for one. Whichever image wins, I will get that tattoo. (If there is a tie, I will hold a runoff, and it must be wife-approved.) This is serious! I really appreciate your support!


What do we talk about when we talk about Hoade?

Is it true that this 'Sean Hoade' is a writer? Like fiction, or stereo instructions, or what?

Excellent question, rhetorical device person! Monsieur Hoade, as he is called in restaurants he cannot afford, is in fact the writer of novels, short stories, and irritating limericks, as well as twee website Q&A constructs.
Señor Hoade, as he is called in Miami, started his writing career at age 10, with a three-page screenplay addressing the hot-button social issue of time travel. Like a butterfly within a chrysalis, he has six legs develops within a cocoon of books and cats, and has so far written novels about a murderous RV salesman, about Charles Darwin on the Beagle, and about Lovecraftian monsters attacking an Edwardian household in England. (You know, the same old, same old.) He also writes about zombies, because ZOMBIES.

What's the South Florida connection? Why does he open himself up to be hurt every year by the Miami Dolphins?

Signor Hoade, as he is called by the College of Cardinals in Rome, was born in Miami in 1969. His mother's OB/GYN was said to be Don Shula (who was trying to make ends meet during the off-season), although that might be apocryphal or just a lie by Hoade. He grew up (to the extent that he did) in Margate, Florida, well known as "not as bad as North Lauderdale" and the sister city of Margate, England. In the 1980s there was an exchange program between the two cities, in which American students got to go to the exciting British vacation stop on the sea, and in which English students got to come to "the Gateway to Coconut Creek."

Was he, despite all the evidence to the contrary, educated in some way?

Hoade-ji, as he is called by his army of Indian sycophants, was the prize of Coconut Creek Elementary, the tolerated of Margate Middle, and the scourge of both Coconut Creek High and, to CCHS's relief, later Boyd Anderson High School in Lauderdale Lakes, where residents are referred to as "pre-inmates." He majored in Philosophy and minored in Cognitive Science at Indiana University South Bend (nickname: "The Fightin' Single Mothers and Retirees Going Back to School after 38 Years at the Cardboard Box Factory"). Not satisfied with the social status and high salary associated with a Philosophy degree, he then got his Masters of Fine Arts in Fiction at the University of Alabama. He then taught at UA for another 3½ years until his unceremonious firing for (no joke) offending the religious sensibilities of a frickin' idiot one of his alleged "Honors" students.

Is it true that writing and, to a lesser extent, teaching writing is the only work that suits him? In fact, the only thing he's ever been able to do well and consistently at a professional or, indeed, human level?

Hoade-san, as the bouncers at Club Sake refer to him on their "No Longer Welcome" list, has actually worked at 103 jobs in the nearly 29 years he has technically been a part of the American workforce. 

Wow. So is he, like, really proud of screwing up at all of these jobs? What kind of irresponsible asshole is this guy?

Mr. Hoade, as he is known in bankruptcy courts throughout our fair land, is not proud of having failed at so many jobs. But, as the novelist Thomas Williams told his fiction students (including Alice McDermott, who shared the anecdote) when they asked about the writing life: "If you can do anything else, kids, do it." Hoade feels that he has truly tested that advice, and it is now stunningly obvious to allies and enemies alike that he cannot, in fact, do anything else.
At age 445, Hoade no longer denies that writing is his destiny. It is the only thing he can do, and the only thing he wants to do.

Hmm. All right. What kind of family does this joker claim?

Al-Hoadedi, as he is known at the Circle K, has the lovely Ann as his wife of the past 15 years. He was previously married when barely out of high school, and from that starter marriage had three lovely daughters: Kylara, 23, who is the mother of WonderGrandchild Leon, 4; Ginger, 20, whose intellect is almost as fearsome as her gorgeousness; and Alice, 17, the world's #1 fan of One Direction, which is apparently a 5-boy singing group with the ability to take over teenage girl's brains. He also has a fantastic sister, Shari (age none of anyone's bidness), who is married to a mysterious sports fan named Rob.

Anything else we should know?

Hoade Sean, as he is known at his favorite opium dens, just wants people to know that he will be living 2014 as the first year of his life's Second Act, F. Scott be damned. He hopes you'll follow his blog, think about maybe buying his books, become his acolyte or friend on Facebook, and follow him on Twitter, where he's @SeanHoade.

Okay, wait, one last thing: What's with the zombie stuff?

edaoH naeS, as he is known by Merlin the Magician, finds the existential quandaries posed by the zombie concept endlessly fascinating. Also, zombies are scary. You could ask the same question about his Lovecraft fixation, and he would say (indeed, is saying) that the Old Gent from Providence investigated mind-blowing existential and metaphysical questions unlike anyone before him. Also, the Lovecraftian community is beautiful like no other.

More at!


Margate, FL, USA
Las Vegas, NV, USA
South Bend, IN, USA
Tuscaloosa, AL, USA

Top PatronsSee all 14

I'm an author in need of your help.

I already have some wonderful patrons who have helped me finish several books, all of which are now being released after the greatest publisher debacle of the decade (that happened to me, anyway). They will get theirs according to an earlier schedule. Current backers already know the goodies coming their way, so this message is to invite new potential patrons to take part in this grand fiction project.

I have a video above with all the salient points, but reading is fundamental, so ...

I have recently been relieved of my job and am in need of more support so I can get these suckers done and selling like the hotcakes they so closely resemble. Your names can be used in the books if you like, and I am willing to do whatever you need to curry your favor. (Mmm, curry ...)

What will backers receive for their hard-earned dough?

Backers at the $25 or higher level will get inscribed hard copies (as well as eBooks) of the novels that have recently been published (thanks to earlier patronage from my awesome supporters), one per month: Ain't That America, Darwin's Dreams, Deadtown Abbey, and Reviva Las Vegas! plus the short story collection Inappropriate Behavior. Backers at the $10 will receive eBooks of all of these beauties.

So, long story short, new backers will make 12 automatic monthly pledges and receive each book as it is published. One book that is ready to come out is the serial novel Cal Longwood, Porn Star Detective, which will be published by the incredible Dynatox Press as chapbooks, each with a new chapter in the story.

The first book, Eleven Inches From Heaven, sets up the series to come. No matter how many chapters it ends up being, it will be considered one novel and will be covered by the single monthly pledge.

So here's the latest on what you will get, as soon as they are published:

Month 1: Reviva Las Vegas! 

Month 2: Deadtown Abbey

Month 3: Ain't That America

Month 4: Darwin's Dreams

Month 5: Inappropriate Behavior

Month 6: The Act [a silver-age–style science fiction novel]

Month 7: (and any time a new chapter is published): Cal Longwood, Porn Star Detective

Month 8: The Cthulhu Attacks! trilogy—Book 1: The Fear

Month 9: The Cthulhu Attacks! trilogy—Book 2: The Faith

Month 10: The Cthulhu Attacks! trilogy—Book 3: The Fight

Month 11: Megalodons of the Galapagos [Darwin and Tesla vs. Sea Monsters]

Month 12: Frankenstein in Arkham

That's 12 books in all over the next few years, 7 of them delivered in the first 7 months! You will be getting great, signed books (and/or awesome eBooks) delivered to you regularly! I really hope you'll consider pledging. You will definitely be thanked in the books and have bragging rights forever!

Best wishes,
Sean Hoade
See More