Small Beans are creating Comedic Writings, Podcasts, Film, Rap, and Other Shenanigans.
2,044
patrons
$10,125
per month
Thank you, future patron!

Yes, we can see the future. You want to donate already; don't you? BTW, the future involves all your wildest comedy dreams coming true, this web page, and a modicum of patronage. If you're a fan, please, help us keep making stuff. If you're not a fan, check out all our free stuff and see if you might actually be a fan in not-a-fan-yet's clothing!

THE SCOOP/POOP: Hello. My name is Michael Swaim. I and my associate in the trenchcoat here (AKA Abe "AKA" Epperson) make what the kids call "content." We've recently retired from our long tenures at Cracked.com, where we TORE SHIT UP for some 10 years apiece, and now we're rarin' to make some bold content moves that are sure to shift paradigms right to the edge of your butts!

Yet, while we now trill with the exhilaration of being total Creative Free Agents, that also means we're broke as hell. Here's a handy equation:

Creative Free Agent = Broke As Hell.

But are we going to let total destitution stop us?! NO!

Let's write and produce indie movies that you, the fans, help shape! Let's share exclusive, behind-the-scenes looks at all of our upcoming content, which will range from screenplays, to regular podcasts, to exclusive sketches and shorts!

Please -- explore the page, and if you can spare it, consider supporting our efforts not to end up as bagboys at your local Trader Joe's. Not that we wouldn't be good at it, because we'd be GREAT. Bags all organized as hell, cold to drygoods, all that.

<3

Michael and Abe (and Pals!)
Tiers
The Buck-A-Month Club!
$1 or more per month
Buck-A-Monthers are legally entitled to a warm fuzzy feeling inside (not valid in TN, HI, ID).


ALL Small Beans members are entitled to early access to content as well as occasional bonus content available to members only.

Includes Discord rewards
The Triple Threat Society!
$3 or more per month
Triple Threats are entitled to an unenforceable sense of vague superiority over the Buck-A-Monthers. A perfect membership for the medium bean.


ALL Small Beans members are entitled to early access to content as well as occasional bonus content available to members only.

Includes Discord rewards
The Cool Beans Club!
$5 or more per month
Cool Beans are the only human beans with access to ALL Small Beans content. Aside from the early access and occasional bonus content available to all members, Cool Beans will enjoy access to occasional Beanus Content, available to Cool Beans ONLY. 


Enjoy all that SB has to offer! Free your soul, eh? Be a frijole.

Includes Discord rewards
I'm Just Here For Off Hours
$15 or more per month

If you came to this page, found out about this page, or want to support this page mostly so that we can fund and produce a new season of Off Hours, a show about four friend analyzing pop culture accompanied by illustrations and starring and written by ex-Cracked folks, this is the tier for you. 


You will by default be able to access all the content available to Cool Beans (our most popular membership level), but your extra bread will go toward baking a bean sandwich of ultimate delightfulness, and you can feel good about that.

Includes Discord rewards
Pick The Flick!
$100 or more per month (sold out!)
Rich? Crazy? Got a hundred bucks to burn to force Michael and Abe to discuss, review, and otherwise indulge your favorite movie on Frame Rate? Then this is the tier for you! 


Name (almost: we reserve the right to veto your student film and/or the porn you made) ANY film and we WILL cover it. Limited to one Patron a month; first come, first served. 


NOTE: It is YOUR responsibility to reach out to us to start this process! Please email us at [email protected] if you have elected to Pick the Flick.

Includes Discord rewards
Twitch Stream With The Beans!
$250 or more per month only 1 left
Hey, we play video games sometimes, and sometimes we broadcast those times on the 1Upsmanship Twitch channel! If you want to go hog-wild with us on an online multiplayer game of your choice, while asking us anything you want and probably proving your gaming superiority over us, this is for that. Game with Michael and Abe (and potential guests!) live on our stream for two hours, or longer if we're having hella-fun. 


Limited to one Patron a month; first come, first served. Game must exist on a platform we have access to (PS4, Switch, XBOX One, PC) and be readily available for purchase.  It's more expensive than the Pick The Flick tier because we will presumably have to buy a few copies of the game you choose.


NOTE: It is YOUR responsibility to reach out to us to start this process! Please email us at [email protected] if you have elected to Stream With The Beans. 

Includes Discord rewards
Goals
$10,125 of $12,500 per month
MAKE OFF HOURS BETTER!



Thanks to the TREMENDOUS support from our beloved Beans, we here at SB are hard at work on our new series, OFF HOURS, about friends sitting around analyzing pop culture while amazing clip packages and cartoons whizz by their stupid, beautiful little faces. And you get to watch!

We'll be involving our Patrons as much as possible in the process, so keep an eye out for Writing Livestreams, scripts-in-progress, exclusive artwork, and other goodies as production ramps up.

If we reach THIS GOAL, we will put the extra budget toward improving the look and feel of the show. This means renting more elaborate lighting equipment and lens packages, commissioning more artwork per episode, the ability to hire a professional sound engineer, and the chance to bring on a Producer. We've got our eye on Bridgett Greenberg, beloved Big Bean and host of Rough Stuff, but we'd need to pay her, and this would be for that.

So help us employ Bridgett, stress less as the shoots approach, and turn in a more polished product! Or don't. Either way, some Off Hours is comin' at ya in the near future.
3 of 3
Thank you, future patron!

Yes, we can see the future. You want to donate already; don't you? BTW, the future involves all your wildest comedy dreams coming true, this web page, and a modicum of patronage. If you're a fan, please, help us keep making stuff. If you're not a fan, check out all our free stuff and see if you might actually be a fan in not-a-fan-yet's clothing!

THE SCOOP/POOP: Hello. My name is Michael Swaim. I and my associate in the trenchcoat here (AKA Abe "AKA" Epperson) make what the kids call "content." We've recently retired from our long tenures at Cracked.com, where we TORE SHIT UP for some 10 years apiece, and now we're rarin' to make some bold content moves that are sure to shift paradigms right to the edge of your butts!

Yet, while we now trill with the exhilaration of being total Creative Free Agents, that also means we're broke as hell. Here's a handy equation:

Creative Free Agent = Broke As Hell.

But are we going to let total destitution stop us?! NO!

Let's write and produce indie movies that you, the fans, help shape! Let's share exclusive, behind-the-scenes looks at all of our upcoming content, which will range from screenplays, to regular podcasts, to exclusive sketches and shorts!

Please -- explore the page, and if you can spare it, consider supporting our efforts not to end up as bagboys at your local Trader Joe's. Not that we wouldn't be good at it, because we'd be GREAT. Bags all organized as hell, cold to drygoods, all that.

<3

Michael and Abe (and Pals!)

Recent posts by Small Beans

Tiers
The Buck-A-Month Club!
$1 or more per month
Buck-A-Monthers are legally entitled to a warm fuzzy feeling inside (not valid in TN, HI, ID).


ALL Small Beans members are entitled to early access to content as well as occasional bonus content available to members only.

Includes Discord rewards
The Triple Threat Society!
$3 or more per month
Triple Threats are entitled to an unenforceable sense of vague superiority over the Buck-A-Monthers. A perfect membership for the medium bean.


ALL Small Beans members are entitled to early access to content as well as occasional bonus content available to members only.

Includes Discord rewards
The Cool Beans Club!
$5 or more per month
Cool Beans are the only human beans with access to ALL Small Beans content. Aside from the early access and occasional bonus content available to all members, Cool Beans will enjoy access to occasional Beanus Content, available to Cool Beans ONLY. 


Enjoy all that SB has to offer! Free your soul, eh? Be a frijole.

Includes Discord rewards
I'm Just Here For Off Hours
$15 or more per month

If you came to this page, found out about this page, or want to support this page mostly so that we can fund and produce a new season of Off Hours, a show about four friend analyzing pop culture accompanied by illustrations and starring and written by ex-Cracked folks, this is the tier for you. 


You will by default be able to access all the content available to Cool Beans (our most popular membership level), but your extra bread will go toward baking a bean sandwich of ultimate delightfulness, and you can feel good about that.

Includes Discord rewards
Pick The Flick!
$100 or more per month (sold out!)
Rich? Crazy? Got a hundred bucks to burn to force Michael and Abe to discuss, review, and otherwise indulge your favorite movie on Frame Rate? Then this is the tier for you! 


Name (almost: we reserve the right to veto your student film and/or the porn you made) ANY film and we WILL cover it. Limited to one Patron a month; first come, first served. 


NOTE: It is YOUR responsibility to reach out to us to start this process! Please email us at [email protected] if you have elected to Pick the Flick.

Includes Discord rewards
Twitch Stream With The Beans!
$250 or more per month only 1 left
Hey, we play video games sometimes, and sometimes we broadcast those times on the 1Upsmanship Twitch channel! If you want to go hog-wild with us on an online multiplayer game of your choice, while asking us anything you want and probably proving your gaming superiority over us, this is for that. Game with Michael and Abe (and potential guests!) live on our stream for two hours, or longer if we're having hella-fun. 


Limited to one Patron a month; first come, first served. Game must exist on a platform we have access to (PS4, Switch, XBOX One, PC) and be readily available for purchase.  It's more expensive than the Pick The Flick tier because we will presumably have to buy a few copies of the game you choose.


NOTE: It is YOUR responsibility to reach out to us to start this process! Please email us at [email protected] if you have elected to Stream With The Beans. 

Includes Discord rewards