Small Beans

is creating Comedic Writings, Podcasts, Film, Rap, and Other Shenanigans.

2,103

patrons

$9,869

per month
Thank you, future patron!

Yes, we can see the future. You want to donate already; don't you? BTW, the future involves all your wildest comedy dreams coming true, this web page, and a modicum of patronage. If you're a fan, please, help us keep making stuff. If you're not a fan, check out all our free stuff and see if you might actually be a fan in not-a-fan-yet's clothing!

THE SCOOP/POOP: Hello. My name is Michael Swaim. I and my associate in the trenchcoat here (AKA Abe "AKA" Epperson) make what the kids call "content." We've retired from our long tenures at Cracked.com, where we TORE SHIT UP for some 10 years apiece, and now we're rarin' to make some bold content moves that are sure to shift paradigms right to the edge of your butts!

So hey, let's go nuts on each other. Let's share exclusive, behind-the-scenes looks at all of our upcoming content, which will range from screenplays, to podcasts, to exclusive sketches and shorts. Please -- explore the page, and if you can spare it, consider supporting our efforts not to end up as bagboys at your local Trader Joe's.

Not that we wouldn't be good at it, because we'd be GREAT. Bags all organized as hell, cold to drygoods, all that.

<3 Michael and Abe (and Pals!)
Tiers
The Buck-A-Month Club!
$1 or more per month
Buck-A-Monthers are legally entitled to a warm fuzzy feeling inside (not valid in TN, HI, ID).


ALL Small Beans members are entitled to early access to content as well as occasional bonus content available to members only.

Includes Discord rewards
The Triple Threat Society!
$3 or more per month
Triple Threats are entitled to an unenforceable sense of vague superiority over the Buck-A-Monthers. A perfect membership for the medium bean.


ALL Small Beans members are entitled to early access to content as well as occasional bonus content available to members only.

Includes Discord rewards
The Cool Beans Club!
$5 or more per month
Cool Beans are the only human beans with access to ALL Small Beans content. Aside from the early access and occasional bonus content available to all members, Cool Beans will enjoy access to occasional Beanus Content, available to Cool Beans ONLY. 


Enjoy all that SB has to offer! Free your soul, eh? Be a frijole.

Includes Discord rewards
Kings Among Beans
$15 or more per month

Formerly the "I'm Just Here For Off Hours" tier, so now that it's on hiatus feel free to depose yourself if you don't wanna BE A FRICKIN' KING. Those who remain will become our most cherished Patrons, and gain early access to a new, Patron-only show currently in development. 


We'll try and find as many ways as we can to reward our KABs, but hopefully the greatest reward is knowing that you are genuinely making possible a whole swath of thoughtful, funny content that wouldn't otherwise exist. You kinda rule!

Includes Discord rewards
Pick The Flick!
$100 or more per month only 1 left
Rich? Crazy? Got a hundred bucks to burn to force Michael and Abe to discuss, review, and otherwise indulge your favorite movie on Frame Rate? Then this is the tier for you! 


Name (almost: we reserve the right to veto your student film and/or the porn you made) ANY film and we WILL cover it. Limited to one Patron a month; first come, first served. 


NOTE: It is YOUR responsibility to reach out to us to start this process! Please email us at [email protected] if you have elected to Pick the Flick.

Includes Discord rewards
Twitch Stream With The Beans!
$250 or more per month (sold out!)
Hey, we play video games sometimes, and sometimes we broadcast those times on the 1Upsmanship Twitch channel! If you want to go hog-wild with us on an online multiplayer game of your choice, while asking us anything you want and probably proving your gaming superiority over us, this is for that. Game with Michael and Abe (and potential guests!) live on our stream for two hours, or longer if we're having hella-fun. 


Limited to one Patron a month; first come, first served. Game must exist on a platform we have access to (PS4, Switch, XBOX One, PC) and be readily available for purchase.  It's more expensive than the Pick The Flick tier because we will presumably have to buy a few copies of the game you choose.


NOTE: It is YOUR responsibility to reach out to us to start this process! Please email us at [email protected] if you have elected to Stream With The Beans. 

Includes Discord rewards
Goals
$9,869 of $10,000 per month
KEEP SMALL BEANS ALIVE!



No more, no less. As Off Hours is currently on hiatus, our primary goal right now is to keep our podcasting efforts flourishing. With Swaim operating out of San Francisco, this will mean more work for Big Beans like Bridgett Greenberg, Adam Ganser, and Cristian Ramirez, and more equipment needed to connect all the pieces.

At this level of support, all of our podcasts can continue, new ones can be developed, and our low-impact video series like LifeHax and Family Meeting can continue. We've also got plans for a brand new video series from Abe Epperson, and a Patron-exclusive podcast to make sure you're getting value for your dollar.

Keep beanin' with us. The best is yet to bean.
2 of 2
Thank you, future patron!

Yes, we can see the future. You want to donate already; don't you? BTW, the future involves all your wildest comedy dreams coming true, this web page, and a modicum of patronage. If you're a fan, please, help us keep making stuff. If you're not a fan, check out all our free stuff and see if you might actually be a fan in not-a-fan-yet's clothing!

THE SCOOP/POOP: Hello. My name is Michael Swaim. I and my associate in the trenchcoat here (AKA Abe "AKA" Epperson) make what the kids call "content." We've retired from our long tenures at Cracked.com, where we TORE SHIT UP for some 10 years apiece, and now we're rarin' to make some bold content moves that are sure to shift paradigms right to the edge of your butts!

So hey, let's go nuts on each other. Let's share exclusive, behind-the-scenes looks at all of our upcoming content, which will range from screenplays, to podcasts, to exclusive sketches and shorts. Please -- explore the page, and if you can spare it, consider supporting our efforts not to end up as bagboys at your local Trader Joe's.

Not that we wouldn't be good at it, because we'd be GREAT. Bags all organized as hell, cold to drygoods, all that.

<3 Michael and Abe (and Pals!)

Recent posts by Small Beans

Tiers
The Buck-A-Month Club!
$1 or more per month
Buck-A-Monthers are legally entitled to a warm fuzzy feeling inside (not valid in TN, HI, ID).


ALL Small Beans members are entitled to early access to content as well as occasional bonus content available to members only.

Includes Discord rewards
The Triple Threat Society!
$3 or more per month
Triple Threats are entitled to an unenforceable sense of vague superiority over the Buck-A-Monthers. A perfect membership for the medium bean.


ALL Small Beans members are entitled to early access to content as well as occasional bonus content available to members only.

Includes Discord rewards
The Cool Beans Club!
$5 or more per month
Cool Beans are the only human beans with access to ALL Small Beans content. Aside from the early access and occasional bonus content available to all members, Cool Beans will enjoy access to occasional Beanus Content, available to Cool Beans ONLY. 


Enjoy all that SB has to offer! Free your soul, eh? Be a frijole.

Includes Discord rewards
Kings Among Beans
$15 or more per month

Formerly the "I'm Just Here For Off Hours" tier, so now that it's on hiatus feel free to depose yourself if you don't wanna BE A FRICKIN' KING. Those who remain will become our most cherished Patrons, and gain early access to a new, Patron-only show currently in development. 


We'll try and find as many ways as we can to reward our KABs, but hopefully the greatest reward is knowing that you are genuinely making possible a whole swath of thoughtful, funny content that wouldn't otherwise exist. You kinda rule!

Includes Discord rewards
Pick The Flick!
$100 or more per month only 1 left
Rich? Crazy? Got a hundred bucks to burn to force Michael and Abe to discuss, review, and otherwise indulge your favorite movie on Frame Rate? Then this is the tier for you! 


Name (almost: we reserve the right to veto your student film and/or the porn you made) ANY film and we WILL cover it. Limited to one Patron a month; first come, first served. 


NOTE: It is YOUR responsibility to reach out to us to start this process! Please email us at [email protected] if you have elected to Pick the Flick.

Includes Discord rewards
Twitch Stream With The Beans!
$250 or more per month (sold out!)
Hey, we play video games sometimes, and sometimes we broadcast those times on the 1Upsmanship Twitch channel! If you want to go hog-wild with us on an online multiplayer game of your choice, while asking us anything you want and probably proving your gaming superiority over us, this is for that. Game with Michael and Abe (and potential guests!) live on our stream for two hours, or longer if we're having hella-fun. 


Limited to one Patron a month; first come, first served. Game must exist on a platform we have access to (PS4, Switch, XBOX One, PC) and be readily available for purchase.  It's more expensive than the Pick The Flick tier because we will presumably have to buy a few copies of the game you choose.


NOTE: It is YOUR responsibility to reach out to us to start this process! Please email us at [email protected] if you have elected to Stream With The Beans. 

Includes Discord rewards