That’s probably because it’s so solitary when my favorite form of work is with a partner or in groups.
You see, for years I have enjoyed the sweet charge that arises when I get in the zone in my work collaborations. There’s a playfulness and a pleasure and a natural attraction that is present in my best work relationships.
Then one day I fell in love - and fell hard - in one of these relationships. A male colleague, he and I produced numerous wonderful things together. Every part of my creative being was put to use: my art, my writing, my intuitive capacity, my knowledge, my intellect. It was a terrifically productive period, but it was also an incredibly confusing and challenging time for my marriage and my own heart.
In fact, I couldn’t separate out my own heart and its desires from the work we were doing together. And I didn’t want to. Such is the nature of the heart. It has its own gravity, and it will pull you where it wants you to go.
That creative relationship ended. My marriage survived. I’ll tell that story later.
But - what was that?
In the years that followed, you could say I became a scholar of desire and an explorer of creative intimacy. Those explorations included a Buddhist inquiry retreat in which I asked to use the question, “what is desire?” (being good Buddhists, their response was “how about, ‘what is love’ instead?”); a delicious and empowering training with the late Deborah Taj Anapol (author of Polyamory in the 21st Century); and a personal inquiry into Divine Eros following the work of Karen Johnson and A.H. Almaas, authors of The Power of Divine Eros. Maybe I’ll share some of those stories as well.
But knowing what I know now, I look back on all of my work relationships and see that the creative erotic has been present all along. Regardless of gender or sexual orientation, it has shown up. And sometimes, it hasn’t shown up. Guess which relationships I like best and produce the best work.
I’m not interested in just writing my own stories. What I most want is to hear other people’s stories. I want to understand what’s happening.
You see, I believe that we don’t understand creative eros at all, and that’s largely because of the culture we have been in for the past...well, I don’t know how long. I haven’t done that research yet.
In my personal experience, when eros has shown up, my immediate association was with romantic relationship, because apparently I’m still working from some puritan paradigm that pairs the erotic with marriage, and work with productivity dedicated to the Lord. Or the Shakers, who were incredibly creative - and who actively sublimated their sexual lives into their work. Perhaps I’ll tell more of that story.
There’s more: I have come to see that eros doesn’t care about my orientation. For all appearances, I am a cis-hetero-female, yet the same sexual charge lives in the creative space I have with other women. AND, I have noticed that there is a space. To what degree does that unspoken sexual charge create discomfort or challenge our notions of sexual orientation? I want to find out because I would love to expand well beyond that boundary.
And, finally, there are times when the erotic charge has not been present. Why? And how does that affect the work that gets produced?
If you’ve read this far, perhaps you, too, are interested in this subject.
SO, here’s my offer and my ask: I am ready to turn myself over to this project. To launch this rocket, I am saying yes to the opportunity to enter into a three-month winter retreat and begin this exploration in earnest. I will be interviewing people, conducting research - including, for those of you who know my main work in systemic constellations, using my systems sensing superpowers to explore the "Knowing Field" of this subject - all to develop a body of work about creative intimacy.
When you become one of my Patreon Supporters, you'll become one of my creative intimates! You'll get access to exclusive patron-only posts and videos, and you'll keep my creative juices flowing - because, really, that's what drives me. Plus, you'll receive advanced or patron-only invitations to retreats and workshops that I will be creating around this subject because in-person energy sharing is my favorite form of creative intimacy.
SO join me in this puppy pile of giddy joy and serious creative work! AND THANK YOU for being the spark that lights this fire! (And know that when I get all turned on like this, I start mixing metaphors.)
Here’s my fantasy: I would love to get 100 supporters by December 1. This will allow me to enter my winter retreat knowing you, my supporters and loves, are out there eagerly waiting for more to be revealed about the fire of eros in creative relationships.