@avalon is creating artwork in pencils + paint | written words in poetry + prose
0

patrons

$0
per month

pencils + paint =

I restarted visual art making in 2016 after letting that interest lie dormant for years, as a means of art therapy in my recovery journey. It has many therapeutic benefits: I need to sit up for extended periods, helping me in my physical stamina and core strength, something that has been compromised by sacral and vertebral fractures as well as fibromyalgia; I need to use my right hand, which has a radial fracture and also hurts from fibromyalgia from time to time; it also calms me, and helps me be mindful, reduces anxiety. My favourite medium has always been acrylic paint, but I discovered soft coloured pencils in recent years through playing with colouring books while I was in the hospital in 2016 for 5 months. I am most inspired by my favourite artists Monet, Matisse, Miro and my work tends toward Impressionism, Post-Impressionism and Abstract Expressionism. Since my last artwork in pencils - a realist sketch of Scotty lying down in our bed - I got busy with my work at Love Kuching Project for most of 2017 and did not create again. (That original artwork is unfortunately not with me, but will be available here in original, print and digital versions, if I ever retrieve it.)

I am currently on a sabbatical from my work and hope to use this period of rest to create artworks again through motivating myself with your support on this Patreon. I will likely create more coloured pencil works at first because the logistics of this medium is easier for me to set up than for acrylic paints, and each piece will be small, less than or close to A4 size, until I can up my mental capacity and get myself going to procure larger surfaces to work on.


poetry + prose =

I stopped blogging on worlds upon words regularly ever since I started using Twitter to voice my thoughts, only ever posting sporadically nowadays. That blog is now fifteen years old. What I will make available here will be similar to what you can find on that blog: a thought, an event, a place, an insight, a poem, a story. I have written in many genres over the years, and find that my work tends toward creative nonfiction and poetry most of all.

Primal Fear: a poem about anxiety

primal fear
ungrounding me;
I tread en pointe
in minefields —
eggshells of your
silence, and anger
primal fear
deafening me
I hear my heart
galloping — thud —
like rapid fire
in my chest, and ears
primal fear
scaring me;
I revert to me
from darkened years
rejected by words,
and absence, and neglect
primal fear
hijacks me
I freeze, awaiting —
my love — the threat,
approaching danger
I die, and die again


Going Dark: recent thoughts from my current sabbatical from my volunteer work

"...you went dark," said Jess, as we sat in my kitchen talking. This kind of withdrawal from the world is something I often do - cutting off all communications, staying at home a lot, avoiding all my responsibilities. But this time, I am not in the same kind of depressive funk while I'm cocooned in the safe space of my bedroom; I merely want to shut down all stress-triggers because my anxiety sensors have screwed up. Opening my email gives me a panic attack. Looking at notifications on my phone is so stressful I try my best to clear them without reading any of them. Apart from these stressors, I have safely avoided serious panic attacks that hit me repeatedly before I formally went on sabbatical. Every day, I feel a sense of calm as I binge-watch drama series, play Sudoku, read novels, journal and write from time to time. This has helped me regenerate some mental capacity to work on my personal fundraising work for my burdensome medical expenses, something I should have started late 2016, but it lost momentum in the crazy busyness of work in 2017. Now I really am years behind time, and want to focus on that as much as possible. I will get panic attacks trying, but I will do my best to circumvent every likely possibility of them, one step at a time.

I read a lot of contemporary fiction and nonfiction alike, and enjoy works from many different authors; for poetry, my favourite is Emily Dickinson. However, stylistically, my writing is influenced by almost everything I read and not just by my favourite writers.The length of each piece I create here will vary, but likely to be short, because I am trying to motivate myself to simply write again beyond the thoughts I pen in my journal, which is more about the habit than the content and language most of the time. Each work created here for you will be new and not previously published on my blog, and every written piece will be personal, honest and true, from my life experiences, thoughts and view of the world. 


my avarecs project

Since my return home from five months in the hospital in September 2016, I had been meaning to launch a personal fundraising project, which combines a blog with a crowdfunding campaign that includes handmade thank-you gifts. The working title of the crowdfunding project, avarecs, is an amalgamation of "avalon's recovery" and "avalon's spoonie recommendations". However, it has been difficult to progress in my work on it, and when I returned to leading LKP again full-time throughout the whole of 2017, the project was stalled. It sat there, making me guilty, causing frustration in our family because income wasn't coming in, to alleviate my ongoing medical expenses as well as the unpaid hospital bills from 2016. I haven't given up on it, but am still far too mentally incapacitated with anxiety to launch it all, hence I am first starting here, with something small.

My 2016 hospital bills are a total of $11,460.19 (after government subsidies, draining all of Andy's Medisave account, and a charitable discount from St Andrew's Community Hospital). The bulk of this sum is as of now still unpaid. Then there the ongoing costs of my chronic illnesses - depression and fibromyalgia - in the form of medications, doctor visits, physio- and psychotherapy, all of which are charged to Andy's credit card, which therefore needs to be paid monthly as far as his income will allow. There are also incidentals such as supplements to manage my symptoms and a few side effects from medication: I take about twenty supplements almost every day in order to be able to accomplish more throughout each day and rely less on medication. My Patreon goal amount is an arbitrary figure, derived from the sum of ten percent of how much I need for my medical expenses in Singapore dollars per annum and rounded to the nearest US dollar after conversion at the time of writing. I am still updating the math regularly to calculate my current monthly medical expenses, but as a ballpark, just my pain management medications alone are over a thousand dollars each month. I intend to post the financials on my Generosity crowdfunding page when it is ready.





Tiers
A Humble Patron
$10 or more per month 0 patrons
For patrons who wish to spur me on without any tiered rewards. You will still receive a handwritten letter from me.
Email Surprise
$15 or more per month 0 patrons
Writings and digital versions of my artwork emailed to you as often as I can create - no fixed amount or frequency
Monthly Email Zine
$20 or more per month 0 patrons
A monthly zine of selected poetry, creative nonfiction, and visual artwork created by me


(For months I am too unwell to deliver, the following issue will be a bimonthly issue)

Patreon Penpal
$20 or more per month 0 of 3 patrons
Handwritten letters snail mailed to you monthly; includes my creative nonfiction and/or poetry


(For months I am too unwell to deliver, the letter will be carried over to the following month)

Monthly PDF Copy of Artwork
$50 or more per month 0 patrons
One high resolution copy of an artwork by me sent via email to you monthly which you may print on your own


(For months I am too unwell to deliver, the artwork will be carried over to the following month)

Monthly High Resolution Print of Artwork
$130 or more per month 0 patrons
One high resolution print of an artwork by me sent via snail mail to you monthly (includes normal local shipping charges via Singpost)


(For months I am too unwell to deliver, the artwork will be carried over to the following month)

Original Artwork
$200 or more per month 0 of 1 patrons
One original artwork by me sent via snail mail to you monthly (includes normal local shipping charges via Singpost)


(For months I am too unwell to deliver, the artwork will be carried over to the following month)

A Generous Patron
$500 or more per month 0 patrons
For patrons who wish to spur me on in my creative work as well as cover a substantial part of my medical expenses, without any tiered rewards. You will still receive a handwritten letter from me.
Goals
$0 of $1,275 per month

My Patreon goal amount stated here is an arbitrary figure, derived from the sum of ten per cent of how much I need for my medical expenses in Singapore dollars per annum and rounded to the nearest US dollar (i.e. US$12,750, then ten per cent of that) after conversion at the time of writing.

These medical expenses, at US$12,750 per year, are for my chronic illnesses — depression and fibromyalgia — as well as nerve damage in my left foot from my 2016 suicide attempt, in the form of medications, doctor consultations, weekly physio- and psychotherapy session, all of which are charged to Andy's credit card, which therefore needs to be paid monthly as far as his income will allow.

Apart from my current ongoing medical expenses, my 2016 hospital bills are a total of S$11,460.19 (after government subsidies, draining all of Andy's Medisave account, and a charitable discount from St Andrew's Community Hospital). The bulk of this sum is as of now still unpaid.

There are also incidentals such as supplements to manage my symptoms and a few side effects from medication: I take about twenty supplements almost every day in order to be able to accomplish more throughout each day and rely less on medication. I am still updating the math regularly to calculate my current monthly medical expenses, but as a ballpark, just my pain management medications alone are over a thousand dollars each month. I intend to post the financials on a Generosity crowdfunding page when I am able to. 

I have set up the lowest possible tiers to start, because I want to only commit to the amount and quality of work that I think I can produce without letting any of you down. I am not accepting commissions at this time, but am hoping to be able to do so down the line. 

If you would like to give a lump-sum amount towards my medical expenses, outside of this Patreon project, you can either donate through my Paypal account [email protected] or via my local bank account at DBS Bank, savings account 027-906860-7, if you reside in Singapore.  
1 of 1

pencils + paint =

I restarted visual art making in 2016 after letting that interest lie dormant for years, as a means of art therapy in my recovery journey. It has many therapeutic benefits: I need to sit up for extended periods, helping me in my physical stamina and core strength, something that has been compromised by sacral and vertebral fractures as well as fibromyalgia; I need to use my right hand, which has a radial fracture and also hurts from fibromyalgia from time to time; it also calms me, and helps me be mindful, reduces anxiety. My favourite medium has always been acrylic paint, but I discovered soft coloured pencils in recent years through playing with colouring books while I was in the hospital in 2016 for 5 months. I am most inspired by my favourite artists Monet, Matisse, Miro and my work tends toward Impressionism, Post-Impressionism and Abstract Expressionism. Since my last artwork in pencils - a realist sketch of Scotty lying down in our bed - I got busy with my work at Love Kuching Project for most of 2017 and did not create again. (That original artwork is unfortunately not with me, but will be available here in original, print and digital versions, if I ever retrieve it.)

I am currently on a sabbatical from my work and hope to use this period of rest to create artworks again through motivating myself with your support on this Patreon. I will likely create more coloured pencil works at first because the logistics of this medium is easier for me to set up than for acrylic paints, and each piece will be small, less than or close to A4 size, until I can up my mental capacity and get myself going to procure larger surfaces to work on.


poetry + prose =

I stopped blogging on worlds upon words regularly ever since I started using Twitter to voice my thoughts, only ever posting sporadically nowadays. That blog is now fifteen years old. What I will make available here will be similar to what you can find on that blog: a thought, an event, a place, an insight, a poem, a story. I have written in many genres over the years, and find that my work tends toward creative nonfiction and poetry most of all.

Primal Fear: a poem about anxiety

primal fear
ungrounding me;
I tread en pointe
in minefields —
eggshells of your
silence, and anger
primal fear
deafening me
I hear my heart
galloping — thud —
like rapid fire
in my chest, and ears
primal fear
scaring me;
I revert to me
from darkened years
rejected by words,
and absence, and neglect
primal fear
hijacks me
I freeze, awaiting —
my love — the threat,
approaching danger
I die, and die again


Going Dark: recent thoughts from my current sabbatical from my volunteer work

"...you went dark," said Jess, as we sat in my kitchen talking. This kind of withdrawal from the world is something I often do - cutting off all communications, staying at home a lot, avoiding all my responsibilities. But this time, I am not in the same kind of depressive funk while I'm cocooned in the safe space of my bedroom; I merely want to shut down all stress-triggers because my anxiety sensors have screwed up. Opening my email gives me a panic attack. Looking at notifications on my phone is so stressful I try my best to clear them without reading any of them. Apart from these stressors, I have safely avoided serious panic attacks that hit me repeatedly before I formally went on sabbatical. Every day, I feel a sense of calm as I binge-watch drama series, play Sudoku, read novels, journal and write from time to time. This has helped me regenerate some mental capacity to work on my personal fundraising work for my burdensome medical expenses, something I should have started late 2016, but it lost momentum in the crazy busyness of work in 2017. Now I really am years behind time, and want to focus on that as much as possible. I will get panic attacks trying, but I will do my best to circumvent every likely possibility of them, one step at a time.

I read a lot of contemporary fiction and nonfiction alike, and enjoy works from many different authors; for poetry, my favourite is Emily Dickinson. However, stylistically, my writing is influenced by almost everything I read and not just by my favourite writers.The length of each piece I create here will vary, but likely to be short, because I am trying to motivate myself to simply write again beyond the thoughts I pen in my journal, which is more about the habit than the content and language most of the time. Each work created here for you will be new and not previously published on my blog, and every written piece will be personal, honest and true, from my life experiences, thoughts and view of the world. 


my avarecs project

Since my return home from five months in the hospital in September 2016, I had been meaning to launch a personal fundraising project, which combines a blog with a crowdfunding campaign that includes handmade thank-you gifts. The working title of the crowdfunding project, avarecs, is an amalgamation of "avalon's recovery" and "avalon's spoonie recommendations". However, it has been difficult to progress in my work on it, and when I returned to leading LKP again full-time throughout the whole of 2017, the project was stalled. It sat there, making me guilty, causing frustration in our family because income wasn't coming in, to alleviate my ongoing medical expenses as well as the unpaid hospital bills from 2016. I haven't given up on it, but am still far too mentally incapacitated with anxiety to launch it all, hence I am first starting here, with something small.

My 2016 hospital bills are a total of $11,460.19 (after government subsidies, draining all of Andy's Medisave account, and a charitable discount from St Andrew's Community Hospital). The bulk of this sum is as of now still unpaid. Then there the ongoing costs of my chronic illnesses - depression and fibromyalgia - in the form of medications, doctor visits, physio- and psychotherapy, all of which are charged to Andy's credit card, which therefore needs to be paid monthly as far as his income will allow. There are also incidentals such as supplements to manage my symptoms and a few side effects from medication: I take about twenty supplements almost every day in order to be able to accomplish more throughout each day and rely less on medication. My Patreon goal amount is an arbitrary figure, derived from the sum of ten percent of how much I need for my medical expenses in Singapore dollars per annum and rounded to the nearest US dollar after conversion at the time of writing. I am still updating the math regularly to calculate my current monthly medical expenses, but as a ballpark, just my pain management medications alone are over a thousand dollars each month. I intend to post the financials on my Generosity crowdfunding page when it is ready.





Recent posts by @avalon

Tiers
A Humble Patron
$10 or more per month 0 patrons
For patrons who wish to spur me on without any tiered rewards. You will still receive a handwritten letter from me.
Email Surprise
$15 or more per month 0 patrons
Writings and digital versions of my artwork emailed to you as often as I can create - no fixed amount or frequency
Monthly Email Zine
$20 or more per month 0 patrons
A monthly zine of selected poetry, creative nonfiction, and visual artwork created by me


(For months I am too unwell to deliver, the following issue will be a bimonthly issue)

Patreon Penpal
$20 or more per month 0 of 3 patrons
Handwritten letters snail mailed to you monthly; includes my creative nonfiction and/or poetry


(For months I am too unwell to deliver, the letter will be carried over to the following month)

Monthly PDF Copy of Artwork
$50 or more per month 0 patrons
One high resolution copy of an artwork by me sent via email to you monthly which you may print on your own


(For months I am too unwell to deliver, the artwork will be carried over to the following month)

Monthly High Resolution Print of Artwork
$130 or more per month 0 patrons
One high resolution print of an artwork by me sent via snail mail to you monthly (includes normal local shipping charges via Singpost)


(For months I am too unwell to deliver, the artwork will be carried over to the following month)

Original Artwork
$200 or more per month 0 of 1 patrons
One original artwork by me sent via snail mail to you monthly (includes normal local shipping charges via Singpost)


(For months I am too unwell to deliver, the artwork will be carried over to the following month)

A Generous Patron
$500 or more per month 0 patrons
For patrons who wish to spur me on in my creative work as well as cover a substantial part of my medical expenses, without any tiered rewards. You will still receive a handwritten letter from me.