Coleman Patrick Ranahan is creating Humor Columns
0

patrons

$0
per month
Coleman Patrick Ranahan is an idiot. (Hi, that's me). He struggles between the first and third person on ... oh who gives a shit. Actually, I'm a filmmaker and writer. I went to film school at Columbia College Chicago (graduated - 2012). I've made one feature film called Lost Signals that you can rent or download here. And at one time I was the layout editor, opinion columnist, and writer for the Kishwaukee College Kaleidoscope between 2008-2009.   

Look, I'm doing something I've been thinking about doing for awhile, that's writing humor columns, or more specifically (pretentiously) - opinion columns with a humorous twist. If you've ever followed the likes of Rex Huppke from the Chicago Tribune, or Alexandra Petri from the Washington Post, that's what you're getting into. 

What's the deal? (He asked in the most offensive Seinfeld voice he could muster) I was originally trying to write for my hometown newspaper, but they don't seem to acknowledge that I exist (other than the profile they did on me for launching my first feature film), so I want to do what I pitched to them, except now to the entire world. Each month, I will create at least two columns, 500-700 words, on any one subject.

What subjects you ask? 
1) Me.
2) Politics from the hometown perspective of a bleeding heart liberal (get the pitchforks ready - I'm from a conservative town) who constantly wants tacos.
3) That episode of Parks and Rec where Andy cries.
4) How many times I've repeatedly stubbed my toe walking into the bathroom before turning the light on.
5) What it's like to discover I'm a heartless robot
6) How quickly I get angry when the guy behind me at the post office won't stop saying "Because, Josh..."
7) Accidentally murdering said guy named Josh. (Legal defense ya know? - Legal note: Purely kidding)
8) Why my hometown of Rochelle, IL should just consider installing palm trees where the real trees go.
9) Something something Brie Larson. 

The list goes on.

However, to do this, incurs costs. I would rather start from a clean website, instead of my personal tumblr account. This means buying the website, and I've been looking at Squarespace, which means a monthly cost to maintain said website. 

So, again - two columns - twice a month - 500-700 words - any subject. If I start to exceed a certain goal, I will gladly start to up the columns to three or more, maybe weekly. Patrons can expect the column a day early, access to the column before everyone else. There may be other rewards as I think of them. 

Spread the word, retweet, spread the link on Facebook, and hopefully I'll be able to bring you something mindful, funny, stupid, or thought provoking. Mostly stupid though. I mean, have you seen me? I've been described as a walking cartoon character. My soul is dead.
Tiers
Shout out.
$1 or more per month 0 patrons
  • I'll give you a shout out on social media, will withhold name if you ask me too.
The Column - A Day Early
$5 or more per month 0 patrons
  • Access to a link to the column a day before it goes live on the website.
  • Plus all previous rewards
Get The Goods
$10 or more per month 0 patrons
  • I will cuddle with you (just kidding - not legally binding)
  • I will email you a personal thank you letter (One time deal).
  • Possible insights into future projects I'm working on.
  • Plus all previous rewards
VIP
$20 or more per month 0 patrons
  • All previous rewards
  • I will kick-punch a wall. (I will not record it - also not legally binding)
  • I will personally mail out a quarterly newsletter on other thoughts not covered.
Goals
$0 of $35 per month
Basic maintenance of the website, and the ability to fuel my iced tea habit. 
1 of 4
Coleman Patrick Ranahan is an idiot. (Hi, that's me). He struggles between the first and third person on ... oh who gives a shit. Actually, I'm a filmmaker and writer. I went to film school at Columbia College Chicago (graduated - 2012). I've made one feature film called Lost Signals that you can rent or download here. And at one time I was the layout editor, opinion columnist, and writer for the Kishwaukee College Kaleidoscope between 2008-2009.   

Look, I'm doing something I've been thinking about doing for awhile, that's writing humor columns, or more specifically (pretentiously) - opinion columns with a humorous twist. If you've ever followed the likes of Rex Huppke from the Chicago Tribune, or Alexandra Petri from the Washington Post, that's what you're getting into. 

What's the deal? (He asked in the most offensive Seinfeld voice he could muster) I was originally trying to write for my hometown newspaper, but they don't seem to acknowledge that I exist (other than the profile they did on me for launching my first feature film), so I want to do what I pitched to them, except now to the entire world. Each month, I will create at least two columns, 500-700 words, on any one subject.

What subjects you ask? 
1) Me.
2) Politics from the hometown perspective of a bleeding heart liberal (get the pitchforks ready - I'm from a conservative town) who constantly wants tacos.
3) That episode of Parks and Rec where Andy cries.
4) How many times I've repeatedly stubbed my toe walking into the bathroom before turning the light on.
5) What it's like to discover I'm a heartless robot
6) How quickly I get angry when the guy behind me at the post office won't stop saying "Because, Josh..."
7) Accidentally murdering said guy named Josh. (Legal defense ya know? - Legal note: Purely kidding)
8) Why my hometown of Rochelle, IL should just consider installing palm trees where the real trees go.
9) Something something Brie Larson. 

The list goes on.

However, to do this, incurs costs. I would rather start from a clean website, instead of my personal tumblr account. This means buying the website, and I've been looking at Squarespace, which means a monthly cost to maintain said website. 

So, again - two columns - twice a month - 500-700 words - any subject. If I start to exceed a certain goal, I will gladly start to up the columns to three or more, maybe weekly. Patrons can expect the column a day early, access to the column before everyone else. There may be other rewards as I think of them. 

Spread the word, retweet, spread the link on Facebook, and hopefully I'll be able to bring you something mindful, funny, stupid, or thought provoking. Mostly stupid though. I mean, have you seen me? I've been described as a walking cartoon character. My soul is dead.

Recent posts by Coleman Patrick Ranahan

Tiers
Shout out.
$1 or more per month 0 patrons
  • I'll give you a shout out on social media, will withhold name if you ask me too.
The Column - A Day Early
$5 or more per month 0 patrons
  • Access to a link to the column a day before it goes live on the website.
  • Plus all previous rewards
Get The Goods
$10 or more per month 0 patrons
  • I will cuddle with you (just kidding - not legally binding)
  • I will email you a personal thank you letter (One time deal).
  • Possible insights into future projects I'm working on.
  • Plus all previous rewards
VIP
$20 or more per month 0 patrons
  • All previous rewards
  • I will kick-punch a wall. (I will not record it - also not legally binding)
  • I will personally mail out a quarterly newsletter on other thoughts not covered.