Dr. Bones is creating gonzo journalism and sorcerous wisdom to inspire insurrection
90

patrons

The duty of the press is to keep the people informed, even when the things they might learn lean towards the morbidly terrible and truly bizarre.

Shit has indeed gotten weird, and it doesn't take a Conjurer to see it. Internet trolls believe they've awakened an Egyptian chaos god, Russia has a new Rasputin, and a living meme currently holds the presidency. Political street battles are becoming common, Jesus is appearing in waffles, cops are executing black people for breathing, and an entire section of the population legitimately thinks capitalism can be destroyed by the ballot box or without building a few guillotines. Yes, the age we live in is weird, truly and horribly weird, a breakneck techno-hellscape where you'll either be killed by flying robots or eaten alive by cancer.

But when the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

I aim to cover the grandest story of any journalistic investigation: the epic tragedy that is the human condition and its unrelenting desire to be free. No assurances about the ending, no home office to report to if things get too tight, just 7.5 billion rabid apes armed to the teeth and spinning on a rock getting more filled with poisonous shit by the day. It's a story I tell through news reports, narratives, books, and essays. My tales are bitter truths and rousing calls for rebellion, narratives both mundane and soaked in sorcerous wisdom, shared freely at no cost as my gift to you.

But I need your help in telling them.

I decided long ago that I'd be a new breed of writer, a hoodoo-slingin' gonzo reporter with a personal vendetta against all he finds exploitative. I've done well so far and you, dear reader, are to thank for that, but I can't afford to do the amount of writing I'd like to working 40 hours a week. Your help will allow me to investigate more stories, write more books, and drunkenly trek to wherever the action may be, with the goal of eventually writing full time.

In return at every level you'll have access to my patron-exclusive "Afterthoughts," short videos dealing with concepts discussed in my articles I couldn't explain elsewhere as well as answers to any questions that might have come up along the way. I often have to leave 1,000-2,000 words on the cutting room floor; this is your chance to hear Bonesy wisdom free from editors and polite society.

The media has the power to shape real events by interpreting them, a power increasingly capable of mobilizing bodies: Breitbart is in the fucking White House, InfoWars is only growing, and right-wing hacks like Sargon of Akkad are rolling in cash. This is not the time to be silent. Each dollar you send my way is a bullet in the chamber of a gun we're building together, one that fires a massive .44 round at the heads of politicians and capitalists alike.

If you want to inject an Anarchist opinion into the wider world, one that calls not for peaceful marches but riots and death hexes, do me a favor and help support my work.

If you don't, support me anyway. I'll at least make the extinction of everything very entertaining.
Tiers
Buy me a cup of Coffee!
$4.99 or more per month
Holy fuck coffee is getting expensive, especially when you cram it with as much espresso as I do. With your help I can stay wired for hours on end, thrashing out an essay or investigating a story you're sure to love.

For your help I'll give you the same access to my Patron-exclusive "Afterthoughts" and I'll send you a personalized postcard! When the CIA eventually assassinates me this will skyrocket in value!
Help keep me from starving to death!
$9.99 or more per month
In between rituals and benders a man's gotta eat. My wife is an amazing cook and can create wholesome, delicious meals for extremely low costs. You'll help keep me alive and take some of the stress of dealing with me off her back. (She thanks you)

In return, I'll give you access to all my Patron-only posts, a personalized postcard, and a playing card I've dressed and prayed over to help draw you luck. You'll be happy you have it during the next mass shooting!
Buy me some ammo!
$22.63 or more per month
Who doesn't love to shoot guns? Help me hone my skills on the range with the hope I can eventually teach marginalized communities about armed self-defense. I want to be the radical that shows you how to shoot a gun, how to cast a spell, and how to rob a fascist.

Help me here and enjoy all the other perks PLUS I'll do a cartomancy reading for you once a month for whatever question your heart desires! Occultniks take note: sometimes it helps to have fresh eyes and cards look at a situation!
Help me get healthcare and not die in my 30's!
$33.33 or more per month
Ha ha, does anybody else's side hurt all the time? Do you get a feeling like your joints are expanding or tissue is ripping? Because I honestly I have no fucking idea and I haven't seen a doctor in many, many years because I have no insurance. Help me and my wife BOTH live into our 80's! 

Send me $33.33 a month and by god, I won't only give you everything else, I'll send you a signed and personalized copy of my next book! And the one after that!
Help me start traveling to stories and start some riots!
$39.99 or more per month
I want to be where the action is, where the insurrection starts and the cop cars start burning. I want to bring my brand of sorcerous gonzo OUTWARD and provide on the ground coverage of the Great American Collapse. With this level of support I can hit the highway and crank out truly investigative journalism.

Not only will you get everything else, not only will you get a signed copy of EVERY BOOK I put out, I'll make you a kickass mojo bag for ANY CONDITION you desire. Theft! Lust! WHATEVER!
WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?
$50 or more per month
Seriously, at this level I might try to throw a death hex on someone for you. Is that what you want? IS IT? TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT!

Not only will you get the perks of every other package but I will CALL YOU on the FUCKING PHONE and work out whatever it is you might want. Seriously, I'm open to suggestions!

Besides, you know, not drinking. I mean, c'mon. Really?
Goals
83% complete
The big one. I'm getting to the point where I'm just popular enough to have my writing take over my life but not making enough to give it the attention it needs. If I can get $1000 a month I can go down to part time and focus on writing.

This is a dangerous move. Full-time jobs are scare in these parts and my benefits are almost unheard of. I'm willing to risk everything, including retirement, on the hope that my writing matters enough to pursue full time. With even just an extra 5 hours a week I can up my social media game, do more essays, and start churning out my next book. There is no promise I'll make it and if Patreon zucc's me I'd be deep, deep up shit creak.

I'm willing to take that chance. I'm willing to believe in the words I write enough to stake my family's livlihood on them. Help me achieve this dream and I promise you'll give birth to a monster.
2 of 2
The duty of the press is to keep the people informed, even when the things they might learn lean towards the morbidly terrible and truly bizarre.

Shit has indeed gotten weird, and it doesn't take a Conjurer to see it. Internet trolls believe they've awakened an Egyptian chaos god, Russia has a new Rasputin, and a living meme currently holds the presidency. Political street battles are becoming common, Jesus is appearing in waffles, cops are executing black people for breathing, and an entire section of the population legitimately thinks capitalism can be destroyed by the ballot box or without building a few guillotines. Yes, the age we live in is weird, truly and horribly weird, a breakneck techno-hellscape where you'll either be killed by flying robots or eaten alive by cancer.

But when the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

I aim to cover the grandest story of any journalistic investigation: the epic tragedy that is the human condition and its unrelenting desire to be free. No assurances about the ending, no home office to report to if things get too tight, just 7.5 billion rabid apes armed to the teeth and spinning on a rock getting more filled with poisonous shit by the day. It's a story I tell through news reports, narratives, books, and essays. My tales are bitter truths and rousing calls for rebellion, narratives both mundane and soaked in sorcerous wisdom, shared freely at no cost as my gift to you.

But I need your help in telling them.

I decided long ago that I'd be a new breed of writer, a hoodoo-slingin' gonzo reporter with a personal vendetta against all he finds exploitative. I've done well so far and you, dear reader, are to thank for that, but I can't afford to do the amount of writing I'd like to working 40 hours a week. Your help will allow me to investigate more stories, write more books, and drunkenly trek to wherever the action may be, with the goal of eventually writing full time.

In return at every level you'll have access to my patron-exclusive "Afterthoughts," short videos dealing with concepts discussed in my articles I couldn't explain elsewhere as well as answers to any questions that might have come up along the way. I often have to leave 1,000-2,000 words on the cutting room floor; this is your chance to hear Bonesy wisdom free from editors and polite society.

The media has the power to shape real events by interpreting them, a power increasingly capable of mobilizing bodies: Breitbart is in the fucking White House, InfoWars is only growing, and right-wing hacks like Sargon of Akkad are rolling in cash. This is not the time to be silent. Each dollar you send my way is a bullet in the chamber of a gun we're building together, one that fires a massive .44 round at the heads of politicians and capitalists alike.

If you want to inject an Anarchist opinion into the wider world, one that calls not for peaceful marches but riots and death hexes, do me a favor and help support my work.

If you don't, support me anyway. I'll at least make the extinction of everything very entertaining.

Recent posts by Dr. Bones

Tiers
Buy me a cup of Coffee!
$4.99 or more per month
Holy fuck coffee is getting expensive, especially when you cram it with as much espresso as I do. With your help I can stay wired for hours on end, thrashing out an essay or investigating a story you're sure to love.

For your help I'll give you the same access to my Patron-exclusive "Afterthoughts" and I'll send you a personalized postcard! When the CIA eventually assassinates me this will skyrocket in value!
Help keep me from starving to death!
$9.99 or more per month
In between rituals and benders a man's gotta eat. My wife is an amazing cook and can create wholesome, delicious meals for extremely low costs. You'll help keep me alive and take some of the stress of dealing with me off her back. (She thanks you)

In return, I'll give you access to all my Patron-only posts, a personalized postcard, and a playing card I've dressed and prayed over to help draw you luck. You'll be happy you have it during the next mass shooting!
Buy me some ammo!
$22.63 or more per month
Who doesn't love to shoot guns? Help me hone my skills on the range with the hope I can eventually teach marginalized communities about armed self-defense. I want to be the radical that shows you how to shoot a gun, how to cast a spell, and how to rob a fascist.

Help me here and enjoy all the other perks PLUS I'll do a cartomancy reading for you once a month for whatever question your heart desires! Occultniks take note: sometimes it helps to have fresh eyes and cards look at a situation!
Help me get healthcare and not die in my 30's!
$33.33 or more per month
Ha ha, does anybody else's side hurt all the time? Do you get a feeling like your joints are expanding or tissue is ripping? Because I honestly I have no fucking idea and I haven't seen a doctor in many, many years because I have no insurance. Help me and my wife BOTH live into our 80's! 

Send me $33.33 a month and by god, I won't only give you everything else, I'll send you a signed and personalized copy of my next book! And the one after that!
Help me start traveling to stories and start some riots!
$39.99 or more per month
I want to be where the action is, where the insurrection starts and the cop cars start burning. I want to bring my brand of sorcerous gonzo OUTWARD and provide on the ground coverage of the Great American Collapse. With this level of support I can hit the highway and crank out truly investigative journalism.

Not only will you get everything else, not only will you get a signed copy of EVERY BOOK I put out, I'll make you a kickass mojo bag for ANY CONDITION you desire. Theft! Lust! WHATEVER!
WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?
$50 or more per month
Seriously, at this level I might try to throw a death hex on someone for you. Is that what you want? IS IT? TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT!

Not only will you get the perks of every other package but I will CALL YOU on the FUCKING PHONE and work out whatever it is you might want. Seriously, I'm open to suggestions!

Besides, you know, not drinking. I mean, c'mon. Really?