Ettin News is creating Podcasts
7

patrons

$17
per month
In the "real world", Violet (Sam) and Petunia (April) are best best friends. We realized, one day, that our constant commentary and general bitchery could hopefully be channeled into making people other than ourselvess laugh. Ideally.

The idea to be an Ettin was pretty obvious to us, as we are already attached at the metaphorical cross-country hip. Also we are actual monsters. 

This Patreon gives us a way to reach out to fans and give them a little extra. Some songs, collaboration opportunities, and even some tangible gifts.

Patron-only posts will offer previews of upcoming episodes, polls on topics we'll cover or merch we will work on, mini bonus episodes, in and out of character writings, pictures of our dogs, alternate projects we are working on, and whatever else we would like to share with you.

In return, we can keep the podcast going on a regular schedule while being able to do fancy things, such as eating food and paying bills. We are constantly recording and editing and writing content and music, which takes a lot of time and energy. We love doing this, and want to continue doing so as long as possible. Also Sam would super super like to use something other than a cardboard box as an isolation chamber. 

This patreon also helps us with the costs of podcasting (web hosting fees, recording and editing equipment/software, and tea.) and also will allow us to produce some fun merch down the line. We hope to someday commission two headed sweaters. These items are covered in our various goals. 

Any contribution helps us and hopefully gives you something fun or weird in return.
Tiers
DEAD ADVENTURER
$1 or more per month 4 patrons
Your patronage pleases us, almost as much as your delicious carcass. 


- Access to patron-only posts.


- Listed as one of the many slain on our website, for a transgression we will randomly generate. 

CRUNCHY ADVENTURER
$5 or more per month 4 patrons
You put up a bit of a fight before we smushed you. Well done, jerk.


- Access to mp3s of all of our bloopers, cut material, soundscapes, and other surprises.


- Access to patron-only posts.


- Listed as one of the many slain on our website, for a transgression we will randomly generate. 


HEROES' FEAST
$10 or more per month 0 patrons
Do you think your level 5 paladin would survive an encounter with us? 

Would you like to find out?


-Exclusive access to creator chat on Discord.


- Access to mp3s of all of our bloopers, cut material, soundscapes, and other surprises.


- Access to patron-only posts.


- Listed as one of the many slain on our website, for a transgression we will randomly generate.  

MURDER HOBO
$20 or more per month 0 patrons
You appreciate the finer things in life, such as tangible goods.  


- A sticker, postcard, or picture once a month. 


-Exclusive access to creator chat on Discord.


- Access to mp3s of all of our bloopers, cut material, soundscapes, and other surprises.


- Access to patron-only posts.


- Listed as one of the many slain on our website, for a transgression we will randomly generate.  

DEALS WARLOCK
$50 or more per month 0 of 10 patrons
We appreciate the hustle, fellow monster. 


Gain access to our legion of followers, let them unburden themselves (financially).


We will shamelessly promote your podcast, product, business, or kickstarter during the podcast. 


OR


Do a personal shout out or announcement to the person/pet/object of your choice during the podcast. 


(Other reward tiers not included)


(Once per month, so every other podcast)


We cannot promise that it will be tasteful, or 100% accurate.

SPOILS OF WAR
$100 or more per month 0 patrons
Damn, thanks for the love. Which, as we all know can only really be expressed in money.

 

The shoutout/promotion as detailed for Deals Warlock


PLUS


- A sticker, postcard, or picture once a month. 


- Exclusive access to creator chat on Discord.  


- Access to mp3s of all of our bloopers, cut material, soundscapes, and other surprises.


- Access to patron-only posts.


- Listed as one of the many slain on our website, for a transgression we will randomly generate.  

Goals
$17 of $100 per month
We'll stream a Q&A session!
1 of 8
In the "real world", Violet (Sam) and Petunia (April) are best best friends. We realized, one day, that our constant commentary and general bitchery could hopefully be channeled into making people other than ourselvess laugh. Ideally.

The idea to be an Ettin was pretty obvious to us, as we are already attached at the metaphorical cross-country hip. Also we are actual monsters. 

This Patreon gives us a way to reach out to fans and give them a little extra. Some songs, collaboration opportunities, and even some tangible gifts.

Patron-only posts will offer previews of upcoming episodes, polls on topics we'll cover or merch we will work on, mini bonus episodes, in and out of character writings, pictures of our dogs, alternate projects we are working on, and whatever else we would like to share with you.

In return, we can keep the podcast going on a regular schedule while being able to do fancy things, such as eating food and paying bills. We are constantly recording and editing and writing content and music, which takes a lot of time and energy. We love doing this, and want to continue doing so as long as possible. Also Sam would super super like to use something other than a cardboard box as an isolation chamber. 

This patreon also helps us with the costs of podcasting (web hosting fees, recording and editing equipment/software, and tea.) and also will allow us to produce some fun merch down the line. We hope to someday commission two headed sweaters. These items are covered in our various goals. 

Any contribution helps us and hopefully gives you something fun or weird in return.

Recent posts by Ettin News

Tiers
DEAD ADVENTURER
$1 or more per month 4 patrons
Your patronage pleases us, almost as much as your delicious carcass. 


- Access to patron-only posts.


- Listed as one of the many slain on our website, for a transgression we will randomly generate. 

CRUNCHY ADVENTURER
$5 or more per month 4 patrons
You put up a bit of a fight before we smushed you. Well done, jerk.


- Access to mp3s of all of our bloopers, cut material, soundscapes, and other surprises.


- Access to patron-only posts.


- Listed as one of the many slain on our website, for a transgression we will randomly generate. 


HEROES' FEAST
$10 or more per month 0 patrons
Do you think your level 5 paladin would survive an encounter with us? 

Would you like to find out?


-Exclusive access to creator chat on Discord.


- Access to mp3s of all of our bloopers, cut material, soundscapes, and other surprises.


- Access to patron-only posts.


- Listed as one of the many slain on our website, for a transgression we will randomly generate.  

MURDER HOBO
$20 or more per month 0 patrons
You appreciate the finer things in life, such as tangible goods.  


- A sticker, postcard, or picture once a month. 


-Exclusive access to creator chat on Discord.


- Access to mp3s of all of our bloopers, cut material, soundscapes, and other surprises.


- Access to patron-only posts.


- Listed as one of the many slain on our website, for a transgression we will randomly generate.  

DEALS WARLOCK
$50 or more per month 0 of 10 patrons
We appreciate the hustle, fellow monster. 


Gain access to our legion of followers, let them unburden themselves (financially).


We will shamelessly promote your podcast, product, business, or kickstarter during the podcast. 


OR


Do a personal shout out or announcement to the person/pet/object of your choice during the podcast. 


(Other reward tiers not included)


(Once per month, so every other podcast)


We cannot promise that it will be tasteful, or 100% accurate.

SPOILS OF WAR
$100 or more per month 0 patrons
Damn, thanks for the love. Which, as we all know can only really be expressed in money.

 

The shoutout/promotion as detailed for Deals Warlock


PLUS


- A sticker, postcard, or picture once a month. 


- Exclusive access to creator chat on Discord.  


- Access to mp3s of all of our bloopers, cut material, soundscapes, and other surprises.


- Access to patron-only posts.


- Listed as one of the many slain on our website, for a transgression we will randomly generate.