Jason Iannone is creating "Comedy," or if it goes well, Comedy
1
patron
$1
per month
If you're into the whole "jokes" thing, chances are you've read mine at least once. As a columnist for Cracked.com, my articles have either been read by millions, or refreshed millions of times by one crazed stalker. In either case, hi!

My name is Jason Iannone and I've been Internet-yukking since 2002 (though it took me until 2010 to learn you could get paid for it). I'd love to provide some samples of my Nobel-winning work throughout the years, but Nobel's being a snob and won't return my calls. So here're some samples that would win, if the world was fair:

"Everyone's entitled to their opinion, but if that opinion is 'the Holocaust didn't happen,' the rest of the world is entitled to mock its owner, shun them, and stay further away from them than we would a pack of rabid bats. Children who deny eating cookies before dinner, while they're eating the cookies, have more credibility."
-6 Creepy Warnings From History (Are Totally Coming True)

"A small (though not small enough) portion of what I paid for making my dog more sterile than a Witcher went toward an Elizabethan collar, more popularly known as the Cone Of Shame. Theoretically, it's designed to stop the animal from biting, licking, scratching, or otherwise screwing with whatever part just got surgeried. Realistically, it couldn't be more useless. You'd do better to stuff your best friend's face into an actual traffic cone.
-4 Bizarre Things Nobody Tells You About Neutering A Pet

"At first glance, some businesses seem completely bulletproof. They've been super successful just short of forever and have made enough money to gas up the average SUV at least twice, so it's ridiculous to think their fate is anything but 'keep making money until Galactus turns our planet into poop.'"
-6 Famous Companies You Had No Clue Were Dying

There's way more too, as I basically write about anything I can understand and make light of. And now, I want to do that for YOU. And you. And you. And you. Basically, if a million people want to pay me to write immature, yet clever humor, I'm down for it. If a few less want to pay, that's cool too!

Shit, more sample jokes incoming!

"Raiden, Mortal Kombat's benevolent thunder god, wasn't always a hero to puny humans. But he was always a fucking god. How Liu 'Bloodlusty Ryu' Kang managed to get past him in the official timeline, I have no clue. Apparently, you just savate kick a thunderstorm until it goes away."
-5 Alternate Game Endings That They Should Have Ran With

"You know who could conquer us all? The stars of toddler TV. Their shows aren't just bright colors, soothing sounds, and whimsical innocence -- many contain unstoppable, badass tools of war that, if commandeered by the right terrible person, would quickly bring billions to their knees."
-5 Great Kids' Show Technologies (For Taking Over the World)

"A Christmas Story 2 takes place six years after the first movie and features a horny, car-obsessed teenage Ralphie. Because I'm sure everyone watched the original and thought, 'Gee, I wonder if that kid will grow up to have typical teenage issues and like typical teenage stuff.'"
-The Worst Christmas Movie Ever (Viewed 12 Times in a Row)

For just $1 a month, you'll have access to anything and everything I write -- humor and ideas that might not fit on any one site, but definitely needs a home. Are you that home? Don't worry, jokes don't eat much and always clean the toilet seat after using it. They will, however, brag loudly about the crap they just took, cuz that's hilarious.

MORE jokes? I GUESS.

"Many wrestling writers once worked on soap operas, reality TV, terrible movies -- in short, not wrestling. Thus, they look at sweaty grapplers as just another set of actors -- which they are, just not the kind Mr. and Mrs. Fired-From-Days-of-Our-Lives want."
-5 Things We're Begging to See Changed in Pro Wrestling

"Making babies generally isn't super difficult -- literally every species has some way to do it, even the stupid ones (hi, us!). Then there are the ones that, if given the choice, just plain wouldn't want to. These poor critters carry, deliver, and raise their young in such painful and deadly ways, the so-called Miracle of Life becomes a curse of pissed-off-warlock proportions."
-5 Terrible Ways Nature Turns Pregnancy Into a Horror Movie

"KISS is 100 percent about taking your money, and nothing else. That's why they randomly made disco music, that's why they all released solo albums with a bunch of outtakes they rejected until figuring out how to sell them, and that's why they're still around 13 years after I attended their farewell tour.
-4 Ways Rock Stars and Teen Pop Stars Are Exactly the Same

The more you, as a collective hive mind, pay, the more I'll write for all of you. If even a few thousand humans (other animals are welcome too, though they're less likely to have money) commit to one buck a month each, rest assured I'll positively smother the lot of you in clever jokes, witty metaphors, tripped-out references, and ideas that will make you wonder exactly what I mix with my coffee (love, obviously). And it'll all come from my concern-causing mind: no editors, no second-guessing (except for the part where I second-guess myself every other half-hour), just me applying my ability to make me word good sound and make some word go haha … for YOU.
Tiers
Pledge $1 or more per month
You get to read everything I write. Simple, right? Right. Obviously, the MORE of you that do this, the more I can write, so this reward is UNLIMITED. How many people have the Internet? I guess that's the limit.
Pledge $5 or more per month
Get your name in lights! Kind of! I'll give you and any project/website you wish to plug a shoutout in one randomly chosen article/quickie per month.
Pledge $10 or more per month
Have an idea for an article that you want written, but don't want to do it yourself? For $10, you get to request an article/quickie idea and I'll write it!

Within reason, obviously. You and I will discuss your article idea and go from there -- there will be no X Reasons The Nazis Were Crazy Awesome Sexhounds article in my Patreon, no matter how much money you throw my way.
Goals
$1 of $1 per month
For the low, low price of $1, I'll start writing for YOU, the paying audience member. Anybody who pays a buck will get to read what I put out here. 

This level will net you one quickie per month: a short, snappy article about ... something! It'll be good, is the plan.
1 of 9
If you're into the whole "jokes" thing, chances are you've read mine at least once. As a columnist for Cracked.com, my articles have either been read by millions, or refreshed millions of times by one crazed stalker. In either case, hi!

My name is Jason Iannone and I've been Internet-yukking since 2002 (though it took me until 2010 to learn you could get paid for it). I'd love to provide some samples of my Nobel-winning work throughout the years, but Nobel's being a snob and won't return my calls. So here're some samples that would win, if the world was fair:

"Everyone's entitled to their opinion, but if that opinion is 'the Holocaust didn't happen,' the rest of the world is entitled to mock its owner, shun them, and stay further away from them than we would a pack of rabid bats. Children who deny eating cookies before dinner, while they're eating the cookies, have more credibility."
-6 Creepy Warnings From History (Are Totally Coming True)

"A small (though not small enough) portion of what I paid for making my dog more sterile than a Witcher went toward an Elizabethan collar, more popularly known as the Cone Of Shame. Theoretically, it's designed to stop the animal from biting, licking, scratching, or otherwise screwing with whatever part just got surgeried. Realistically, it couldn't be more useless. You'd do better to stuff your best friend's face into an actual traffic cone.
-4 Bizarre Things Nobody Tells You About Neutering A Pet

"At first glance, some businesses seem completely bulletproof. They've been super successful just short of forever and have made enough money to gas up the average SUV at least twice, so it's ridiculous to think their fate is anything but 'keep making money until Galactus turns our planet into poop.'"
-6 Famous Companies You Had No Clue Were Dying

There's way more too, as I basically write about anything I can understand and make light of. And now, I want to do that for YOU. And you. And you. And you. Basically, if a million people want to pay me to write immature, yet clever humor, I'm down for it. If a few less want to pay, that's cool too!

Shit, more sample jokes incoming!

"Raiden, Mortal Kombat's benevolent thunder god, wasn't always a hero to puny humans. But he was always a fucking god. How Liu 'Bloodlusty Ryu' Kang managed to get past him in the official timeline, I have no clue. Apparently, you just savate kick a thunderstorm until it goes away."
-5 Alternate Game Endings That They Should Have Ran With

"You know who could conquer us all? The stars of toddler TV. Their shows aren't just bright colors, soothing sounds, and whimsical innocence -- many contain unstoppable, badass tools of war that, if commandeered by the right terrible person, would quickly bring billions to their knees."
-5 Great Kids' Show Technologies (For Taking Over the World)

"A Christmas Story 2 takes place six years after the first movie and features a horny, car-obsessed teenage Ralphie. Because I'm sure everyone watched the original and thought, 'Gee, I wonder if that kid will grow up to have typical teenage issues and like typical teenage stuff.'"
-The Worst Christmas Movie Ever (Viewed 12 Times in a Row)

For just $1 a month, you'll have access to anything and everything I write -- humor and ideas that might not fit on any one site, but definitely needs a home. Are you that home? Don't worry, jokes don't eat much and always clean the toilet seat after using it. They will, however, brag loudly about the crap they just took, cuz that's hilarious.

MORE jokes? I GUESS.

"Many wrestling writers once worked on soap operas, reality TV, terrible movies -- in short, not wrestling. Thus, they look at sweaty grapplers as just another set of actors -- which they are, just not the kind Mr. and Mrs. Fired-From-Days-of-Our-Lives want."
-5 Things We're Begging to See Changed in Pro Wrestling

"Making babies generally isn't super difficult -- literally every species has some way to do it, even the stupid ones (hi, us!). Then there are the ones that, if given the choice, just plain wouldn't want to. These poor critters carry, deliver, and raise their young in such painful and deadly ways, the so-called Miracle of Life becomes a curse of pissed-off-warlock proportions."
-5 Terrible Ways Nature Turns Pregnancy Into a Horror Movie

"KISS is 100 percent about taking your money, and nothing else. That's why they randomly made disco music, that's why they all released solo albums with a bunch of outtakes they rejected until figuring out how to sell them, and that's why they're still around 13 years after I attended their farewell tour.
-4 Ways Rock Stars and Teen Pop Stars Are Exactly the Same

The more you, as a collective hive mind, pay, the more I'll write for all of you. If even a few thousand humans (other animals are welcome too, though they're less likely to have money) commit to one buck a month each, rest assured I'll positively smother the lot of you in clever jokes, witty metaphors, tripped-out references, and ideas that will make you wonder exactly what I mix with my coffee (love, obviously). And it'll all come from my concern-causing mind: no editors, no second-guessing (except for the part where I second-guess myself every other half-hour), just me applying my ability to make me word good sound and make some word go haha … for YOU.

Recent posts by Jason Iannone

Tiers
Pledge $1 or more per month
You get to read everything I write. Simple, right? Right. Obviously, the MORE of you that do this, the more I can write, so this reward is UNLIMITED. How many people have the Internet? I guess that's the limit.
Pledge $5 or more per month
Get your name in lights! Kind of! I'll give you and any project/website you wish to plug a shoutout in one randomly chosen article/quickie per month.
Pledge $10 or more per month
Have an idea for an article that you want written, but don't want to do it yourself? For $10, you get to request an article/quickie idea and I'll write it!

Within reason, obviously. You and I will discuss your article idea and go from there -- there will be no X Reasons The Nazis Were Crazy Awesome Sexhounds article in my Patreon, no matter how much money you throw my way.