goldfish and the microphone

goldfish and the microphone

is creating emotional, brutally honest poetry
I can't remember a time when my head functioned properly.
As a baby, I would cry the second my mom left the room.
As a toddler, I didn't trust anyone to help me, understand me. Love me. I was always on edge, waiting for the moment everyone who promised to stay would abandon me.
By the time I was six, I was having suicidal thoughts.
I was seven when I started punching myself and slamming my head against the wall like if I tried hard enough, I could beat the monsters in my head out.
By nine, I didn't let anyone know what was going on inside me. I just didn't want to be the different one. The kid hyperventilating under the table, because it feels like everything is collapsing right now. I wanted to just forget about everything. That wasn't too much to ask, was it?
Mostly, it was a pretty foolproof solution. If you read my report cards, my teachers claim to be "pleased with my progress." Even though most days, I felt like a bomb about to go off, to be honest.
I started writing at ten years old, when I began a 40,000-word novella. I never realized how much it helped, to write about your feelings as a way of processing them. I didn't want to share it with anyone. Feelings weren't... the kind of thing that I was supposed to let anyone else in on.
It stayed that way for a long time. Until finally, finally, I did get up the courage to start sharing my writing. And no one laughed. No one rolled their eyes. They listened.
For the first time in my life, they listened.
I can't say enough how writing has changed my life. It's been what's given me enough courage to tell my story. To make friends who didn't treat me like nothing. To go on medication for my anxiety, even if I'm still working out the right dose. To get therapy. To even be writing this right now.
Honestly? Even now, I have bad days. And I think I always will.
But I want to be the kind of person who speaks the honest truth in my writing, however brutal it might be. I want to be the kind of person who lets others know they're not alone in what they're going through. No matter what that is. And for me, writing is my way of doing that.
If my writing has benefited you, consider becoming a patron! Any and all donations are gratefully appreciated. :)

If you want to support my fiction-writing page, click here to throw money at me in that direction!
Tiers
Quick donation!
$1 or more per month

Want to support me and don't have a lot of money? Become a $1/ month patron! All support is greatly appreciated. Thank you so much for helping my dreams become a reality.  All patrons will receive a shoutout on my blog.

THE GREAT RECORDING STUDIO FUND
$3 or more per month

Want to help me put out more YouTube videos and eventually record an album of spoken word poetry? Become a patron today!  All patrons will receive a shoutout on my blog for the generous support they give me. 

Because membership fees are a thing
$5 or more per month

Want to help me pay off the costs of my WordPress plan? Become a $5/ month patron. Your support is appreciated so much; you have no idea how much it means to me.  All patrons will receive a shoutout on my blog. 

Goals
0% complete
When I have made $500 dollars in total off of my Patreon page, I will invest in a home recording studio to make higher-quality YouTube videos and spoken word recordings, and potentially record an album of spoken word poetry.
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I can't remember a time when my head functioned properly.
As a baby, I would cry the second my mom left the room.
As a toddler, I didn't trust anyone to help me, understand me. Love me. I was always on edge, waiting for the moment everyone who promised to stay would abandon me.
By the time I was six, I was having suicidal thoughts.
I was seven when I started punching myself and slamming my head against the wall like if I tried hard enough, I could beat the monsters in my head out.
By nine, I didn't let anyone know what was going on inside me. I just didn't want to be the different one. The kid hyperventilating under the table, because it feels like everything is collapsing right now. I wanted to just forget about everything. That wasn't too much to ask, was it?
Mostly, it was a pretty foolproof solution. If you read my report cards, my teachers claim to be "pleased with my progress." Even though most days, I felt like a bomb about to go off, to be honest.
I started writing at ten years old, when I began a 40,000-word novella. I never realized how much it helped, to write about your feelings as a way of processing them. I didn't want to share it with anyone. Feelings weren't... the kind of thing that I was supposed to let anyone else in on.
It stayed that way for a long time. Until finally, finally, I did get up the courage to start sharing my writing. And no one laughed. No one rolled their eyes. They listened.
For the first time in my life, they listened.
I can't say enough how writing has changed my life. It's been what's given me enough courage to tell my story. To make friends who didn't treat me like nothing. To go on medication for my anxiety, even if I'm still working out the right dose. To get therapy. To even be writing this right now.
Honestly? Even now, I have bad days. And I think I always will.
But I want to be the kind of person who speaks the honest truth in my writing, however brutal it might be. I want to be the kind of person who lets others know they're not alone in what they're going through. No matter what that is. And for me, writing is my way of doing that.
If my writing has benefited you, consider becoming a patron! Any and all donations are gratefully appreciated. :)

If you want to support my fiction-writing page, click here to throw money at me in that direction!

Recent posts by goldfish and the microphone

Tiers
Quick donation!
$1 or more per month

Want to support me and don't have a lot of money? Become a $1/ month patron! All support is greatly appreciated. Thank you so much for helping my dreams become a reality.  All patrons will receive a shoutout on my blog.

THE GREAT RECORDING STUDIO FUND
$3 or more per month

Want to help me put out more YouTube videos and eventually record an album of spoken word poetry? Become a patron today!  All patrons will receive a shoutout on my blog for the generous support they give me. 

Because membership fees are a thing
$5 or more per month

Want to help me pay off the costs of my WordPress plan? Become a $5/ month patron. Your support is appreciated so much; you have no idea how much it means to me.  All patrons will receive a shoutout on my blog.