Ian Boldsworth

is creating Infinite Hermit Productions

869

patrons
FILTER
Tiers
Skinflints
$1 or more per month
I'd rather you just threw it in a field.  A sarcastic pledge that is.
Non-Commitals
$5 or more per month
Look.  I do appreciate that.  It's going to look awful if it's just you pledging but if there's a few of you then that's not so bad. But just so you know I have monthly outgoings of £40 that are just to charities and I get NOTHING back from them.  But I don't talk about it. I'm actually trying to work out the best way to cancel some of the direct debits without them noticing.  Probably do it at Christmas when people are giving more to them.
Kindly Folk
$10 or more per month
Ok, that is actually kind.  Now we are getting to the point where I do appreciate it properly and I feel a bit bad about getting cross with the lower tiers.  That might be all they can afford and I shouldn't shout at them. But I do prefer you.
Middle Class
$20 or more per month
No I prefer you now. Although it is a bit dependant on what you actually make.  Like, if you are a millionaire then you have no business slumming it in this tier, but for normal people I would say that is well generous and I would actually phone you up.  I'm not even messing. Only for about ten minutes but what a five minutes that would be. We'd have a right laugh in that two minutes.
Ultras
$50 or more per month
I'll give you my email address.  I honestly will. You will get the most direct way of contacting me in real life and I almost always reply to emails eventually. I'll deffo reply to the first one. Hang on, you're only going to do it for one month aren't you?
Ultra Plus
$75 or more per month
I don't think anyone can afford this.  Thing is, I know most of my fans.  They haven't got money like that. I'll be honest, my descriptions are just making me laugh at the moment so I keep adding more.  Although weirdly for this one I am starting to think I should add something genuine.  You'll obviously get my email address and I'll obviously phone you up, but what else? Skype or something? My internet is poor but we can give it a go? (NO KISSING)
Official friend of Ian in real life
$100 or more per month
Simply not going to happen. I'd probably end up bouncing the payment back through guilt (I won't). This is simply implausible, but if you made a one month go of it and then went to a lower tier (NOT THE LOWEST ONE), I'd be fine with that and would genuinely give you a half hour of my undivided attention (I have never managed to only talk to someone for half an hour, it'll drag on). In all seriousness, I'd happily do a consultancy Skype or phonecall for that.  I don't claim to have all the answers, but I know some bits, and if you needed industry advice or a chat about stuff that's relevant to the work I'd done before then deffo let's do that. 
Owned
$1,000 or more per month
Do this for six months and I'll do you. This tier is mainly to encourage Barry Dodds to start saving.  


(I won't actually do anyone and don't even consider clicking it) 

Indecent Proposal
$15,000 or more per month
Ok I might do you. Minimum three year contract and even then I only said MIGHT.


I've not done any of these tiers properly at all have I? I said it wouldn't work. I'm basically self-sabotaging from the inside.

Tiers
Skinflints
$1 or more per month
I'd rather you just threw it in a field.  A sarcastic pledge that is.
Non-Commitals
$5 or more per month
Look.  I do appreciate that.  It's going to look awful if it's just you pledging but if there's a few of you then that's not so bad. But just so you know I have monthly outgoings of £40 that are just to charities and I get NOTHING back from them.  But I don't talk about it. I'm actually trying to work out the best way to cancel some of the direct debits without them noticing.  Probably do it at Christmas when people are giving more to them.
Kindly Folk
$10 or more per month
Ok, that is actually kind.  Now we are getting to the point where I do appreciate it properly and I feel a bit bad about getting cross with the lower tiers.  That might be all they can afford and I shouldn't shout at them. But I do prefer you.
Middle Class
$20 or more per month
No I prefer you now. Although it is a bit dependant on what you actually make.  Like, if you are a millionaire then you have no business slumming it in this tier, but for normal people I would say that is well generous and I would actually phone you up.  I'm not even messing. Only for about ten minutes but what a five minutes that would be. We'd have a right laugh in that two minutes.
Ultras
$50 or more per month
I'll give you my email address.  I honestly will. You will get the most direct way of contacting me in real life and I almost always reply to emails eventually. I'll deffo reply to the first one. Hang on, you're only going to do it for one month aren't you?
Ultra Plus
$75 or more per month
I don't think anyone can afford this.  Thing is, I know most of my fans.  They haven't got money like that. I'll be honest, my descriptions are just making me laugh at the moment so I keep adding more.  Although weirdly for this one I am starting to think I should add something genuine.  You'll obviously get my email address and I'll obviously phone you up, but what else? Skype or something? My internet is poor but we can give it a go? (NO KISSING)
Official friend of Ian in real life
$100 or more per month
Simply not going to happen. I'd probably end up bouncing the payment back through guilt (I won't). This is simply implausible, but if you made a one month go of it and then went to a lower tier (NOT THE LOWEST ONE), I'd be fine with that and would genuinely give you a half hour of my undivided attention (I have never managed to only talk to someone for half an hour, it'll drag on). In all seriousness, I'd happily do a consultancy Skype or phonecall for that.  I don't claim to have all the answers, but I know some bits, and if you needed industry advice or a chat about stuff that's relevant to the work I'd done before then deffo let's do that. 
Owned
$1,000 or more per month
Do this for six months and I'll do you. This tier is mainly to encourage Barry Dodds to start saving.  


(I won't actually do anyone and don't even consider clicking it) 

Indecent Proposal
$15,000 or more per month
Ok I might do you. Minimum three year contract and even then I only said MIGHT.


I've not done any of these tiers properly at all have I? I said it wouldn't work. I'm basically self-sabotaging from the inside.