I'm reading celebrity gossip because you shouldn't.

Let's celebrate $77 per video by reading every word of the very first issue of Us Magazine from 1977! Learn why Paul Newman "left movies", the five biggest diet myths, the new hit band KISS and "Nixon's TV comeback." What could that mean?!

Julia Roberts and Baby Matt Damon and look—there's that Jennifer Lopez dress, but from when it was still news! This is the issue that changed Us Magazine to Us Weekly, although none of us knew if it was "Us" or "U.S." at the time.

Travel back with me to the bygone era of March 2000, and let's read all about the new Charlie's Angels and Tobey Maguire's "big breakthrough."

I will definitely not forget to read a whole tabloid for you every week. I certainly won't decide to see a movie instead of learning what's new with Hilary Duff.