Jeff Kay is creating Explanations for Aliens!
33

patrons

$191
per month
Hello, boys and girls. How goes it? I hope it goes well. Thank you for stopping by my Patreon page. It’s an additional way for us to connect and have fun, and also a place where you’ll have the rare opportunity to give away some of your money! Pretty neat, huh?

As you might know, I've been publishing The West Virginia Surf Report for a long time. Since late 2000 to be exact. And before that, it existed as a paper zine, dating all the way back to the early 1980s, if you can believe it. It's been a blast, and together we've managed to unleash some sweet, sweet mayhem unto the world: Ads vs. Reality, the Mike Piazza paycheck, the Gargoyle Letters, the Wal-Mart Game, the Number of Fucks in Deadwood, etc.

Yes, it's been great fun, and I hope to keep it going until one of my major organs finally goes dark, and they have to truck my outsize body to a specialty crematorium for the husky. The Surf Report will always be the center o' the universe, as far as my online life is concerned. It brings me pleasure and keeps me sane.

Over the years, however, the site has become more of a personal blog, and less of a place for comedy writing. I used to dabble in both things there, to mixed results. Eventually, I pulled back from the standalone humor pieces, because it felt a little out of place. The heart and soul of The Surf Report has always been rooted in me bitching about my latest visit to Target or whatever, and you've gotta give the people what they want.

But I miss the "comedy," and want to start in with some dabbling again. And so, I've launched Explanations for Aliens, where I will offer monthly field reports that attempt to explain some aspect of human life to space aliens. It's something I used to do at The Surf Report. In fact, I published five installments of it there. Those updates (golf, the gym, Elvis Presley, opera, and underwear) are also the first five posts at the new site.

Of all the crackpot ideas I’ve hatched throughout the years, Explanations is one of my favorites. I love the notion of dissecting everyday life and getting to the absurd essence of it all. Because there's almost always an absurd essence.

And so, It feels like I’ve finally arrived at the proper lineup of projects:

The West Virginia Surf Report (blogging and related silliness, every Monday and Thursday)
Explanations For Aliens (field reports for the creatures, first day of every month)
A new humor novel (as soon as I can get 'er done)

But I need your help. I need a vote of confidence, and a little monetary support if you can spare it. Except for Amazon I’ve pretty much stripped away all advertising from The Surf Report because it makes me crazy. I hate when I visit a website and videos start playing, there are pop-ups on top of pop-ups, and everything just jumps and jerks as the ads load. It fills me full of rage, and I’m not going to traffic in such things at my own sites.

I much prefer a community approach, where we’re all in this together. And The Surf Report has always had a great community surrounding it. Explanations, I hope, will eventually get there too. Maybe not the same exact audience, but equally engaged. Ya know?

The way Patreon works is you sign up and support the creators of your choice by pledging to make a monthly donation. It can be $1, or any amount above that. It’s completely up to you. It's a little like the National Public Radio model. Except, in this case, there will be a lot less whispering and almost none of the sophistication. Patreon, I should add, is established and reputable. No need to be concerned about that.

Also (and this is the exciting/terrifying part), if you pledge at least $4 per month, you’ll gain access to some sort of audio thing I’m gonna do. I hesitate to say podcast because that would definitely be overselling it. It’ll be a periodic audio dispatch from the subterranean bunker. And we’ll see what develops from that questionable endeavor. I’m stepping outside the comfort zone with this one, my friends! Should be fun. Maybe.

If all goes well, the audio experiment will become a weekly program, and I'll be able to add it to the list of projects above. It'll be my ongoing 'thank you' for donating.

I appreciate your consideration. One final thought before I say my goodbyes: Please don’t think of this as just sending me money every month. I mentioned vote of confidence above. That's a big part of it. I want to continue with the Surf Report, turn Explanations into something interesting, finish the book, and expand the audio experiment. If I know you folks are behind me, those goals become a whole lot easier to reach.

Thank you, guys. Thanks for being a part of this!  -Jeff
Tiers
Gratitude
$2 or more per month 6 patrons
Is gratitude a reward? I guess it depends on your point of view, and level of bitterness. In any case, that's what you'll be receiving at this level of support: my gratitude. Thank you!
Unlock The Audio!
$4 or more per month 6 patrons
Yes! This is where the real fun begins. Donate at least $4 per month and you'll gain access to the audio experiment. Should be interesting, if nothing else. I made this a low point of entry, 'cause I want as many people as possible involved. Pass the beer nuts!
Welcome to the VIP Lounge!
$8 or more per month 19 patrons
Thank you guys from the bottom of my big sluggish heart. This is the top tier, but you can pledge more if you'd like. I mean... 8 bucks is not the limit. I'm not even sure there is a limit. So, be sure to come back when you're drunk and go wild! Anyway, at this level you'll have access to the audio, of course, as well as ongoing additional perks. Like sneak peeks at book chapters, and cool stuff in the mail. I'll ask for your address, and occasionally send you things. Craziness!
Hello, boys and girls. How goes it? I hope it goes well. Thank you for stopping by my Patreon page. It’s an additional way for us to connect and have fun, and also a place where you’ll have the rare opportunity to give away some of your money! Pretty neat, huh?

As you might know, I've been publishing The West Virginia Surf Report for a long time. Since late 2000 to be exact. And before that, it existed as a paper zine, dating all the way back to the early 1980s, if you can believe it. It's been a blast, and together we've managed to unleash some sweet, sweet mayhem unto the world: Ads vs. Reality, the Mike Piazza paycheck, the Gargoyle Letters, the Wal-Mart Game, the Number of Fucks in Deadwood, etc.

Yes, it's been great fun, and I hope to keep it going until one of my major organs finally goes dark, and they have to truck my outsize body to a specialty crematorium for the husky. The Surf Report will always be the center o' the universe, as far as my online life is concerned. It brings me pleasure and keeps me sane.

Over the years, however, the site has become more of a personal blog, and less of a place for comedy writing. I used to dabble in both things there, to mixed results. Eventually, I pulled back from the standalone humor pieces, because it felt a little out of place. The heart and soul of The Surf Report has always been rooted in me bitching about my latest visit to Target or whatever, and you've gotta give the people what they want.

But I miss the "comedy," and want to start in with some dabbling again. And so, I've launched Explanations for Aliens, where I will offer monthly field reports that attempt to explain some aspect of human life to space aliens. It's something I used to do at The Surf Report. In fact, I published five installments of it there. Those updates (golf, the gym, Elvis Presley, opera, and underwear) are also the first five posts at the new site.

Of all the crackpot ideas I’ve hatched throughout the years, Explanations is one of my favorites. I love the notion of dissecting everyday life and getting to the absurd essence of it all. Because there's almost always an absurd essence.

And so, It feels like I’ve finally arrived at the proper lineup of projects:

The West Virginia Surf Report (blogging and related silliness, every Monday and Thursday)
Explanations For Aliens (field reports for the creatures, first day of every month)
A new humor novel (as soon as I can get 'er done)

But I need your help. I need a vote of confidence, and a little monetary support if you can spare it. Except for Amazon I’ve pretty much stripped away all advertising from The Surf Report because it makes me crazy. I hate when I visit a website and videos start playing, there are pop-ups on top of pop-ups, and everything just jumps and jerks as the ads load. It fills me full of rage, and I’m not going to traffic in such things at my own sites.

I much prefer a community approach, where we’re all in this together. And The Surf Report has always had a great community surrounding it. Explanations, I hope, will eventually get there too. Maybe not the same exact audience, but equally engaged. Ya know?

The way Patreon works is you sign up and support the creators of your choice by pledging to make a monthly donation. It can be $1, or any amount above that. It’s completely up to you. It's a little like the National Public Radio model. Except, in this case, there will be a lot less whispering and almost none of the sophistication. Patreon, I should add, is established and reputable. No need to be concerned about that.

Also (and this is the exciting/terrifying part), if you pledge at least $4 per month, you’ll gain access to some sort of audio thing I’m gonna do. I hesitate to say podcast because that would definitely be overselling it. It’ll be a periodic audio dispatch from the subterranean bunker. And we’ll see what develops from that questionable endeavor. I’m stepping outside the comfort zone with this one, my friends! Should be fun. Maybe.

If all goes well, the audio experiment will become a weekly program, and I'll be able to add it to the list of projects above. It'll be my ongoing 'thank you' for donating.

I appreciate your consideration. One final thought before I say my goodbyes: Please don’t think of this as just sending me money every month. I mentioned vote of confidence above. That's a big part of it. I want to continue with the Surf Report, turn Explanations into something interesting, finish the book, and expand the audio experiment. If I know you folks are behind me, those goals become a whole lot easier to reach.

Thank you, guys. Thanks for being a part of this!  -Jeff

Recent posts by Jeff Kay

Tiers
Gratitude
$2 or more per month 6 patrons
Is gratitude a reward? I guess it depends on your point of view, and level of bitterness. In any case, that's what you'll be receiving at this level of support: my gratitude. Thank you!
Unlock The Audio!
$4 or more per month 6 patrons
Yes! This is where the real fun begins. Donate at least $4 per month and you'll gain access to the audio experiment. Should be interesting, if nothing else. I made this a low point of entry, 'cause I want as many people as possible involved. Pass the beer nuts!
Welcome to the VIP Lounge!
$8 or more per month 19 patrons
Thank you guys from the bottom of my big sluggish heart. This is the top tier, but you can pledge more if you'd like. I mean... 8 bucks is not the limit. I'm not even sure there is a limit. So, be sure to come back when you're drunk and go wild! Anyway, at this level you'll have access to the audio, of course, as well as ongoing additional perks. Like sneak peeks at book chapters, and cool stuff in the mail. I'll ask for your address, and occasionally send you things. Craziness!