Joe Garza

is creating funny articles about life, creativity, and other thoughtful crap

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patrons

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per month
Give me your money and I just might make you laugh with my writing. Even if you don’t find my work funny, it will at least give your eyeballs a good workout. I didn’t want to say anything, but your eyeballs have been looking kind of flabby lately. Let me fix that.
Tiers
Casual Admirers
$1 or more per month

You treat the reading of my content like one night stands. That’s fine! I’ll always appreciate the brief, passionate time we spend together.


Here’s what you get for treating me like little more than a sexy object of no real emotional value:

  • My gratitude will be sent to your face for eternity (or at least as long as you continue following me)!
  • I’ll follow you on Twitter and give you a personalized shoutout
  • Access to my Stupid Thoughts Daily (you won't want protection from THIS STD!)
  • Plus: You'll get no regrets for helping a poor, struggling writer!
Regular Viewers
$3 or more per month

You generally enjoy tuning in to my articles on a consistent basis like a sitcom that’s on the verge of cancellation. Swell!


Here’s what you get for recording my articles with your TiVo:

  • Access to all of my Medium Partner posts - see what's driving a handful of readers insane with amazement!

As well as:

  • My gratitude will be sent to your face for eternity (or at least as long as you continue following me)!
  • I’ll follow you on Twitter and give you a personalized shoutout
  • Access to my Stupid Thoughts Daily (you won't want protection from THIS STD!)
  • Plus: You'll get the right to brag about your insane generosity towards a poor, struggling writer!
Devoted Groupies
$5 or more per month

If my content went on world tours, you’d follow it from town to town, buy its records, and try to sneak backstage for the type of naughty fun that keeps TMZ in business.


If you’re willing to demean yourself like that for my content, here’s what you get in return:

  • Exclusive Weekly Patreon Posts - crazy blog posts just for my Devoted Groupies every Friday!

As well as:

  • Access to all of my Medium Partner posts - see what's driving a handful of readers insane with amazement!
  • My gratitude will be sent to your face for eternity (or at least as long as you continue following me)!
  • I’ll follow you on Twitter and give you a personalized shoutout
  • Access to my Stupid Thoughts Daily (you won't want protection from THIS STD!)
  • Plus: You'll get freedom from ridicule for not donating money to a poor, struggling writer!
Radical Zealots
$10 or more per month

You’re always excited when I put out new content, and are willing to stand on street corners and to preach my weird gospel, maybe even kidnap strangers and turn them into converts. Righteous! For that, I’ll bless you with the following:

  • Recommend a silly random article topic or humorous story that I’ll write and credit you for to avoid lawsuits!

As well as:

  • Exclusive Weekly Patreon Posts - crazy blog posts just for my Devoted Groupies every Friday!
  • Access to all of my Medium Partner posts - see what's driving a handful of readers insane with amazement!
  • My gratitude will be sent to your face for eternity (or at least as long as you continue following me)!
  • I’ll follow you on Twitter and give you a personalized shoutout
  • Access to my Stupid Thoughts Daily (you won't want protection from THIS STD)!
  • Plus: You'll get an imaginary chest bump / fist bump / head bump from a poor, struggling writer!
Goals
0 of 250 patrons

Food for the Week My Adorable Smiling Dog

I mean, Chomper already has plenty of food but he’s a growing boy with discriminating, international tastes. Plus, this enables me to create even more for you and your eyes to enjoy.

1 of 3
Give me your money and I just might make you laugh with my writing. Even if you don’t find my work funny, it will at least give your eyeballs a good workout. I didn’t want to say anything, but your eyeballs have been looking kind of flabby lately. Let me fix that.

Recent posts by Joe Garza

Tiers
Casual Admirers
$1 or more per month

You treat the reading of my content like one night stands. That’s fine! I’ll always appreciate the brief, passionate time we spend together.


Here’s what you get for treating me like little more than a sexy object of no real emotional value:

  • My gratitude will be sent to your face for eternity (or at least as long as you continue following me)!
  • I’ll follow you on Twitter and give you a personalized shoutout
  • Access to my Stupid Thoughts Daily (you won't want protection from THIS STD!)
  • Plus: You'll get no regrets for helping a poor, struggling writer!
Regular Viewers
$3 or more per month

You generally enjoy tuning in to my articles on a consistent basis like a sitcom that’s on the verge of cancellation. Swell!


Here’s what you get for recording my articles with your TiVo:

  • Access to all of my Medium Partner posts - see what's driving a handful of readers insane with amazement!

As well as:

  • My gratitude will be sent to your face for eternity (or at least as long as you continue following me)!
  • I’ll follow you on Twitter and give you a personalized shoutout
  • Access to my Stupid Thoughts Daily (you won't want protection from THIS STD!)
  • Plus: You'll get the right to brag about your insane generosity towards a poor, struggling writer!
Devoted Groupies
$5 or more per month

If my content went on world tours, you’d follow it from town to town, buy its records, and try to sneak backstage for the type of naughty fun that keeps TMZ in business.


If you’re willing to demean yourself like that for my content, here’s what you get in return:

  • Exclusive Weekly Patreon Posts - crazy blog posts just for my Devoted Groupies every Friday!

As well as:

  • Access to all of my Medium Partner posts - see what's driving a handful of readers insane with amazement!
  • My gratitude will be sent to your face for eternity (or at least as long as you continue following me)!
  • I’ll follow you on Twitter and give you a personalized shoutout
  • Access to my Stupid Thoughts Daily (you won't want protection from THIS STD!)
  • Plus: You'll get freedom from ridicule for not donating money to a poor, struggling writer!
Radical Zealots
$10 or more per month

You’re always excited when I put out new content, and are willing to stand on street corners and to preach my weird gospel, maybe even kidnap strangers and turn them into converts. Righteous! For that, I’ll bless you with the following:

  • Recommend a silly random article topic or humorous story that I’ll write and credit you for to avoid lawsuits!

As well as:

  • Exclusive Weekly Patreon Posts - crazy blog posts just for my Devoted Groupies every Friday!
  • Access to all of my Medium Partner posts - see what's driving a handful of readers insane with amazement!
  • My gratitude will be sent to your face for eternity (or at least as long as you continue following me)!
  • I’ll follow you on Twitter and give you a personalized shoutout
  • Access to my Stupid Thoughts Daily (you won't want protection from THIS STD)!
  • Plus: You'll get an imaginary chest bump / fist bump / head bump from a poor, struggling writer!