MorganEve Swain is creating music, memoir
60

patrons

$796
per month
My name is MorganEve Swain. I live alone, with my little dog and loving cat, on the third floor of a house that sways when the wind blows and when the downstairs neighbors make love. Often, the movement of the house makes the water in the toilet bowl slosh faintly and I feel as if my treehouse-like apartment were really a boat at sea.
I have been a musician all my life, and have made my living that way since I was a teenager playing in Irish bars in Bridgeport Connecticut. The musical income is sporadic at best. To offset that unknown, I earn a part time wage working as a violin technician and learning instrument repair at a violin shop thirty minutes away.
I sometimes marvel at the ways in which I feel unprepared for life- I have atrocious math skills, problems focusing, ambition but not drive, ideas but not means, dreams but not goals.
Recently though-– no doubt a side effect of entering my thirties– I have come to realize that most adults never do have things all figured out, and if I can accept my life and income as something I will always be figuring out as I go, I have a chance at real happiness. (Of course, that doesn't stop me from searching for stability and looking at my wealthy neighbors with something closer to bewilderment than envy.) What surprises me now, is how much my idea of “stability” has changed in a short amount of time. It used to mean being with the man I loved: a partnership of intellect, romance, creativity and trust. Figuring it out as we went. The safety of knowing he was there. That I wasn’t alone.
And then, not suddenly but still shockingly, I was alone. My partner, in music, in love and life, died of leukemia in April of 2014. He was 36. I was 28.
We had spent the six short years we had together performing under the name Brown Bird, acquiring a comfortable and humbling fanbase and releasing three records together before Dave got sick. Our lives were so entwined, we functioned as a single being. Dave revealed in me a musician I hadn’t known was there; I nurtured his remarkable talent for music and words and bathed in his capacity to understand everyone around him.
There is a part of me that hates writing about Dave’s cancer. I hate defining myself by it. By the fact that he was here and now he isn’t. But that’s exactly what has shaken my sense of self and it is taking a long time to reconcile that my grief and sense of displacement are not signs of weakness but of love.
Just over a year ago, I felt the murky waters of intense grief begin to shift. For two solid years after Dave died, I had existed in such intense fog that reaching its edge felt like the uneasy state between sleep and waking.  My gradual emergence from it felt like regaining consciousness and not knowing where or who I was. I’d lost my stability. I’d lost my bliss.
Now, finally settled into a solitary life, I am finding comfort in knowing I have only myself to rely on. Stability comes from within. And from the weird and creative ways we make money when being "a creative" is the only path you've ever known. I've always been a musician and I've always been a writer. This is my way of sharing my experience with others, in hopes that it will begin to illuminate the places that are still dark. 

Tiers
Zed Heads
$5 or more per month 26 patrons
You are granted access to Patron-only posts here on Patreon. Every little bit helps! Zed thanks you too, and will prove his gratitude with a monthly photo. Woof. 
Bloggers
$10 or more per month 2 patrons
With your $10 "membership", you'll gain access to what I'm going to call "blog posts". Weekly musings about life, some of which will probably show up in the book, a lot of which will not. 
Songbirds
$15 or more per month 27 patrons
With a gift of $15 per month, I'll post a monthly cover song. Sometimes perhaps it'll be a home-video; other times a fully-fleshed out home recording with harmonies and strings and Zed barking in the background. What to expect: songs from my adolescence as a 90s kid into "grunge" and metal; songs that mean personal things to me, metal riffs attempted on bowed stringed instruments. 
Heros
$100 or more per month 5 of 15 patrons
You're my hero if you pledge me this much. 

Once a month, I'll share with you a small portion of my written drafted memoir. I am open to critique. Please respect my property, both emotional and creative. By pledging me $100, you are giving me your promise that this work will not be shared. The written word represents the deepest baring of my soul; perhaps more personal even than the music. I'd love to know what you think of it. 
Goals
$796 of $1,000 per month
When I reach $1000 per month, I'll be able to comfortably cover rent without taking on a second job, which would make touring next to impossible. I'm working towards a memoir to be published in the Fall of 2018. This book is my first, exploring my life as a musician and how loss changed everything. Time to write is crucial, now that I have a deadline, and your patronage is the biggest gift I could ever receive!
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My name is MorganEve Swain. I live alone, with my little dog and loving cat, on the third floor of a house that sways when the wind blows and when the downstairs neighbors make love. Often, the movement of the house makes the water in the toilet bowl slosh faintly and I feel as if my treehouse-like apartment were really a boat at sea.
I have been a musician all my life, and have made my living that way since I was a teenager playing in Irish bars in Bridgeport Connecticut. The musical income is sporadic at best. To offset that unknown, I earn a part time wage working as a violin technician and learning instrument repair at a violin shop thirty minutes away.
I sometimes marvel at the ways in which I feel unprepared for life- I have atrocious math skills, problems focusing, ambition but not drive, ideas but not means, dreams but not goals.
Recently though-– no doubt a side effect of entering my thirties– I have come to realize that most adults never do have things all figured out, and if I can accept my life and income as something I will always be figuring out as I go, I have a chance at real happiness. (Of course, that doesn't stop me from searching for stability and looking at my wealthy neighbors with something closer to bewilderment than envy.) What surprises me now, is how much my idea of “stability” has changed in a short amount of time. It used to mean being with the man I loved: a partnership of intellect, romance, creativity and trust. Figuring it out as we went. The safety of knowing he was there. That I wasn’t alone.
And then, not suddenly but still shockingly, I was alone. My partner, in music, in love and life, died of leukemia in April of 2014. He was 36. I was 28.
We had spent the six short years we had together performing under the name Brown Bird, acquiring a comfortable and humbling fanbase and releasing three records together before Dave got sick. Our lives were so entwined, we functioned as a single being. Dave revealed in me a musician I hadn’t known was there; I nurtured his remarkable talent for music and words and bathed in his capacity to understand everyone around him.
There is a part of me that hates writing about Dave’s cancer. I hate defining myself by it. By the fact that he was here and now he isn’t. But that’s exactly what has shaken my sense of self and it is taking a long time to reconcile that my grief and sense of displacement are not signs of weakness but of love.
Just over a year ago, I felt the murky waters of intense grief begin to shift. For two solid years after Dave died, I had existed in such intense fog that reaching its edge felt like the uneasy state between sleep and waking.  My gradual emergence from it felt like regaining consciousness and not knowing where or who I was. I’d lost my stability. I’d lost my bliss.
Now, finally settled into a solitary life, I am finding comfort in knowing I have only myself to rely on. Stability comes from within. And from the weird and creative ways we make money when being "a creative" is the only path you've ever known. I've always been a musician and I've always been a writer. This is my way of sharing my experience with others, in hopes that it will begin to illuminate the places that are still dark. 

Recent posts by MorganEve Swain

Tiers
Zed Heads
$5 or more per month 26 patrons
You are granted access to Patron-only posts here on Patreon. Every little bit helps! Zed thanks you too, and will prove his gratitude with a monthly photo. Woof. 
Bloggers
$10 or more per month 2 patrons
With your $10 "membership", you'll gain access to what I'm going to call "blog posts". Weekly musings about life, some of which will probably show up in the book, a lot of which will not. 
Songbirds
$15 or more per month 27 patrons
With a gift of $15 per month, I'll post a monthly cover song. Sometimes perhaps it'll be a home-video; other times a fully-fleshed out home recording with harmonies and strings and Zed barking in the background. What to expect: songs from my adolescence as a 90s kid into "grunge" and metal; songs that mean personal things to me, metal riffs attempted on bowed stringed instruments. 
Heros
$100 or more per month 5 of 15 patrons
You're my hero if you pledge me this much. 

Once a month, I'll share with you a small portion of my written drafted memoir. I am open to critique. Please respect my property, both emotional and creative. By pledging me $100, you are giving me your promise that this work will not be shared. The written word represents the deepest baring of my soul; perhaps more personal even than the music. I'd love to know what you think of it.