Derek Sivers is best known as the founder of CDBaby, the first easy to use store for musicians who wanted to sell their music online. He’s also just an incredibly nice, smart guy who writes and speaks and makes occasional videos about entrepreneurship and other interesting subjects.

I was thinking about one of his video’s recently. In it, he lays out what he says is the importance of finding the reason *WHY* you do what you do. Most people, he says, never really bother to figure it out. They go with the flow, or even worse go down a path laid out by some external expectation, be it parental or societal.

Lots of people will tell you to find the *WHY*, but I really like Derek’s take on it. In this video he puts up a list on the screen:

MONEY

PRESTIGE

FAME

LEGACY

FREEDOM

His thought is that you should pick one or two of these (I would add ARTISTIC PURSUIT) and focus on that exclusively, to the exclusion of all the others. I think this is great advice. An example he gives is that movie stars are often not as wealthy as producers, who are, in turn, not as well known as the movie stars. If you want to make money, if that makes you happy - focus on that. If fame is what you’re after, you may turn down things that would lead to more money in favor of trying to accrue fame. He uses Donald Trump as an example of someone who cherishes legacy above all else. He puts his name on EVERYTHING.

Well, as I was laying in bed the other night, it occurred to me that I’ve thought a TON about the *WHY*. I think about it all the time. And the conclusion that I come to over and over is that I have multiple why’s. Many overlapping why’s. I cannot choose just one or two of those things. Bits of each are tightly wrapped up into everything I do.

This is a very similar conclusion/discussion as another blog post I wrote a while back about “picking the basket”. Focusing is not my strong suit. I want it all. I can see why it would be good to focus. I can imagine what it would be like to focus. But I just can’t bring myself to do it.

On other other hand, I’ve wanted to be a musician, to be a songwriter, since I was 12 years old. So in some ways, I have focused on that and I have always been singularly focused on that pursuit. But in that pursuit, I’ve definitely lead myself down a whole variety of paths, some that make me happier than others. I feel like some of my why’s are in conflict with one another. The need to make a living and support my family is in conflict with my desire to try new things and feel like I’m moving ahead creatively.

My main source of income is writing songs for companies. I don’t hate it - there are aspects of it that I really love. I think there is actually something romantic about practicing songwriting as a literal craft. Like being a shoe cobbler. Someone tells me their idea and I make it into a song. It’s not magic, it’s just that I’ve practiced my craft.

But as you all know, I would much rather be able to make a living solely from a direct relationship with fans of my music. That continues to elude me.

Is that because I'm not focused enough on fame, at the expense of everything else?

Jonathan Mann

August 5, 2015 18:40:16

Peter Coffin I am also a person who doesn't focus on the fame aspect. I do not actively promote myself outside of twitter, I do not make media inquiries, I don't actually attempt to spread my "brand" really. In fact, such talk averts me. But the more time that passes the more I am concerned that is what artists are forced to either learn to do or pay someone else to do it for them. Obviously hiring publicity teams is not something I can do today or tomorrow, so I may have to actually start attempting to care about that.

August 5, 2015 21:12:14 · Reply

Jonathan Mann I hear ya. It's a hard problem.

August 5, 2015 23:58:16 · Reply

Early access "The Horrors"

August 7, 2015 12:07:37

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Sarah Burrini

August 7, 2015 12:07:37

Marriage & Feminism

August 10, 2015 16:13:28

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Marriage & Feminism

I’m going to be releasing my “Feminism & Marriage” vlog today or tomorrow. You know the one - I just looked back at my Patreon posts and saw that I first posted about this in January!! Holy moly! Took me 8 whole months to figure out how to say what I wanted to say. I guess that’s the way it goes, sometimes.

To recap - essentially, I noticed (especially last year when I was being praised online for being a great ally to feminism) that here at home, with my wife and with Jupiter, I was basically being like the stereotypical dad. So much of the management of the household (from cooking and cleaning to figuring out Jupiter’s nanny/daycare situation) was defaulting to Juliana’s shoulders. At home, I am a shitty feminist.

So this vlog explores that in a relatively in depth way. The good news is (and my wife will confirm this), I’ve come a long way in a year! I’ve come a long way from January, too. But there’s always room to improve - and these cultural biases are really, really insidious and hard to break out of.

Anyway, I wanted to write about a different aspect of this today.

For the first time ever, I’m afraid of putting something on the internet. I’ve never really experienced any hesitation with this. I’m usually an “all in” kind of person. “Whatever! Let’s see what happens!”.

But this video is super personal. More personal than I’ve ever been before. I’m really opening my marriage, and specifically my failings within the marriage, for everyone to see. My hope is that other people can relate to and resonate with what I’m talking about and that it can start conversations. But man - I’m nervous. Worried about sharing so much of our lives. Worried about backlash from MRA’s - not so much for me, but more for my wife and possibly son. My wife, for her part, has so far found MRAs to be amusing. If it gets ugly though…I just don’t know. But who knows? Maybe this will fly under the radar.

There’s also a part of me that’s cognizant of the fact that I am white dude putting out a video about feminism. EVEN though it’s about how I’m a shitty feminist and EVEN though it’s really about my experience … I don’t know. Do we really need my voice here on this? I guess I ultimately think so, otherwise I wouldn’t have put all the work into this video. But I am thinking about this, and will definitely be open to any criticism on that front.

All that being said, I’d like to share the video with you guys, now. I haven’t decided when I’ll be releasing. Like I said, today? Tomorrow? Is there an optimal time for releasing a video about marriage and feminism? Anybody work at Buzzfeed? They probably know.

Anyway, here it is! I’m open to comments, nothing is ever sacred in this process. But I’d love it if I didn’t have to do a lot more work on it, ha. But seriously, you guys are the core of my online support system so I’m excited (and still oddly nervous) to share with you.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/2ism9ss94qfwbst/Marriage%20%26%20Feminism%20v3.mp4?dl=0

Jonathan Mann

August 10, 2015 16:13:28

E. Christopher Clark I thought it was good. I think I can understand why you're nervous, given the state of the Web today, but I think it's an honest and concise exploration of a subject that's important to you, and that shows. I don't know what more people could ask for.

August 10, 2015 16:55:33 · Reply

Ken Gagne I like it — and I've subscribed to your podcast!

August 10, 2015 20:29:35 · Reply

Josh Woodward Holy shit, this resonates in a big way. We've had an almost identical situation, on the same trajectory, on the same timeline. And for whatever it's worth, things have stabilized to a very happy balance. It's hard as hell for any couple to adjust to this, but you're doing everything right. Be patient and keep doing what you're doing, it'll all work out!

August 11, 2015 02:36:21 · Reply