You weigh on my bones
Until I am feeble, stones stooping my back.
I can hear every part of me cracking open
Just to keep the bit you left behind.
I am measured in layers of missing you
Collapsing slowly, shifting, a slow earthquake.
You are pulling the heart of me slowly into drowning, you are bringing me somewhere I do not belong.
I think sometimes
In the aching deep of me
That in the bending of all that I am
There is no room for you
That cutting all your heavy free
Would leave me light
I have been facing the ground for so long
My back is burnt and my face misses the sun
I hold a small hand in mine
Half me and half you and holy and beautiful
And everything good of us.
She is reason enough to stretch skyward,
She is reason enough to relearn my stride.
She is reason enough to let the last of you slide from my grasp so I can hold her better.
I am unlearning every bad habit you grew inside me, breathing through false hope, growing into the me-without-you, and it will be hours and days and weeks and months and years until I lose your shadow,
But I own too much light to let it swallow me.