The case for one, two, three, many new centrist parties
It's time we had a grown up debate in this country, yeah?

I'm just an ordinary person, but I'm so sick of Punch and Judy politics. 

The same old yah boo politics of tribal division. Old men (huh, old white men, amirite?) with their "you're either with us or against us" mentality. 

Careerists with their strutting feuds and internecine wars, at a time when the country needs stability and unity, actually?

And when I think of the madness of Brexiteers, and crazy left-wing councils forcing trans narratives on our schools, I just want to scream at people: this is what John Cleese was warning us about, you know.

Now I don't know much about politics. I'm just an ordinary person, sick of the same old scripted lines and yah boo politics of tribal division. But I respect the courage and integrity of Andrew Adonis, Tim Farron, Vince Cable, David Miliband, Eddie Izzard and Simon Hedges. 

They are the hard-working grassroots-activists-of-the-boardroom, the "what works" purists, the blue-sky-thinkers-of-the-possible. And they have a fully costed plan to destroy our outmoded political system and quickly clean up the damage with a two pence fizzy drinks tax.

Brilliant innovators who have the ability to look disaster in the face and say: "Tony, have you been on the sunbed again?"

But let's not forget the women, like Jeremy Corbyn's Labour would! Anna Soubry! Caroline Criado-Perez! The list is endless. And they're leaning in.

We are legion. We have a diversified portfolio of political assets. And there are several of us.

As the referendum result showed, Britain is yearning for change. And we are here to say: you can have a certain amount of change over a period of time, provided you accept the European institutional framework.

The exciting news is that there are several political start-ups in the works. More United. The Democrats. Renew Britain. Project One Movement UK Ltd. Advance. And my own proud contribution, Grassroots Let's End The Madness Now For Goodness Sake Youth Movement Incorporated.

There have been some worries from various bearish commentators that yet another centrist initiative will merely add to an already saturated marketplace. In periods of turmoil, of course, it is natural for the more timid investors to run for cover. 

But what they have forgotten is the spirit of enterprise and competition! Not to mention diversity! The more the merrier! 

And let's not forget that traditional parties are labour-intensive, relying on a glut of members and structures. They're statist mammoths and, like the mammoth, they're extinct. Our new parties are capital-intensive, streamlined, horizontal, mobile, efficient, and responsive to a changing consumer environment. Let's use those resources to recapture the amazing energy and positivity of the Remain campaign.

For a fractal centre! For the diversity of the shopping centre! Let a thousand nearly identical flowers bloom! One, two, three, many new centrist parties!

If I don't survive, tell my estranged ex-wife 'hello'.