HOLY SHIT HOW HAS IT BEEN OVER A MONTH. WHAT HAPPENED.
ok i think i just needed a bit of a break, i've still been working, but every once and a while i'll just flatline and need to stop doing certain things. i know in this job i need to be present and updating people and making new things and I LOVE doing that like 90% of the time. then i work myself too hard and just overthink and stop focusing on certain things.
if you keep up with my stream stuff at all you may of noticed i've had a bit of a break, only a couple of days. but i got to a point where i was just stressing myself out over it. you guys will see it sometimes, i'll have a little breakdown that i can't draw or something and that was how i was feeling all the time. whatever i did just wasn't up to scratch. AND IT DOESN'T NEED TO BE. NOT EVERY PIECE OF WORK I DO WILL BE GOOD THATS IMPOSSIBLE. but i was annoyed at myself for making shit i didn't love. i knew it was irrational but it still got to me.
i do feel better after a couple of days off, although i still have some questions about streaming. i've been low for a while, not knowing what to do or which way to take things. i never wanted to be a "full-time streamer" but i've been streaming 6 days a week for over a year pretty much so what AM i doing? i don't know. honestly.
i'm struggling with the whole "where do i belong" thing, like what do i want to do, where do i want to be in 5 years and am i working towards it etc etc. i adore streaming and i adore our little community but i feel like i put too much time into streaming things when i'm not doing anything of worth. if that makes sense.
like its one thing streaming for fun and its another to stream just because i have to be on schedule yknow. i miss it being more fun and spontaneous. so i think thats where i'm going to take it, maybe. this is kinda the first time i'm really thinking about what action to take, so welcome to this ride.
i'll be making a patreon only update in the next couple of days, i just wanted to make this one public to kinda explain whats been happening.