2016 May #1 exile
The latest of my need to draw something like this. I've drawn numerous similar pieces in the past but I didn't like any of them; I like this better than all the previous pieces, but I don't do value painting and so my grasp on that isn't good enough to make it look the way I want yet. I have a better understanding of trying to convey scale through perspective this time compared to the last, so with more attempts maybe one day I'll make a version that I'll be happy with!

I did grayscale -> colourize for this, since the imagery in my mind was really desaturated and none of the individual colours really stand out. This is also not something I do and I've tried it with little success in the past, but this is how I slowly get myself used to unfamiliar methods. Instead of rigorous repetitive attempts until I get it, I give it an attempt as if it was my first time once in a while, each time taking all the information in as brand new, but with some remnant of what little I figured out from the previous attempt. It's a lot less stressful to me and it lets me learn these things by trying to appreciate aspects I enjoy about each method/look, rather than learning through pain and frustration. $10+ patrons will see the little exploration process I had going back and forth with the colour overlay!

I also want to talk a little about how I feel about this scene.

The title exile/return I use for stuff like this is from this prelude by rachmaninoff: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dE6vin5GPWA which he revealed to moiseiwitsch to be the feeling of an exile, or the return. This is the only music I actually draw to, I normally don't listen to anything when I draw or associate any audio to what I draw. I don't know why that's the case, whether I really resonate with this piece itself emotionally, or that I became attached to it at first and conditioned myself with the connection between the piece and this atmosphere/mental landscape I love. A bond made from romanticizing.

Either way, This kind of stuff is something I truly love painting. Despite it not being something I'm really good at, I paint it because it feels like what I need to paint. It's easy to forget this feeling these days when we're so preoccupied with learning how to become better, trying to please teachers, friends, clients, and employers, trying to be productive, trying to prove ourselves to be worthy. It's easy to feel guilty about our heart's calling, thinking it is pointless because it's not good enough/a meaningful contribution to the art world, or self indulgent. But it's when I let myself draw stuff like this that I am reminded loudly, why I need to draw, and I can draw without doubt or reservation.

  • High resolution jpgs
  • Step by step work in progress screenshots
  • big, layered PSD file
  • full videos of the drawing process from start to finish

For this piece for my patrons of $5/$10/$15 :D check my profile for reward list!