When I started talking to God
I started talking to God back in 2015. No wait, let me rephrase that (of course I can just retype it, but this is more fun)… I started talking to God when I was a kid. I started listening to God back in 2015, about three years prior to writing this article. That’s when my one-sided rants got reshaped into actual conversations. That’s when wisdom entered the scenario.
How I started talking to God
Around that time in my life, 2015 that is, I was really struggling with my self image. In my own life I’d done some really stupid things. I was a kin to the little green guy who lives in the corner of the alley. The one who pops out of a garbage can, says something negative, then pops back down in. You know, the grouchy children’s show character? Anyway, I’d let my past and a chronic illness direct a lot of my behavior.
At one point I hit a crossroad. I was having trouble seeing myself as valuable in any way, not only over the mistakes I’d made, but for the memories of others who’d flat out told me how worthless I was. I wasn’t pulling out of it. I believed in the forgiveness of others, but not myself. I also believed in this ridiculous theory that people are disposable, only to be discarded when judged so by, of course, other people (as in, not God’s judgement, but that of humans.). This is the subject of another article, so I’ll move on.
My partner, Grace, who tends to always see the good in people, she knows, and knew then that I am worth something. She knows I have the ability to create art, a much needed avenue for delivering soul-saving information (this is a good time for a plug, my other site, a portfolio at SlyFocal.com. So when she saw me struggling, she prayed. She asked God to come talk to me, to help me out of the hole that I and others had helped dig.
At that time I believed in the soul, the spirit, the continuation of my consciousness after death, but I did not believe in God. I was probably open to spiritual communication, but not to a sit-down with someone I had written off years ago. Yet somehow, it still happened. I started getting these “Feelings”, like I was being spoken to and given information.
How my communications with God unfolded
The information I started receiving caused a major interrupt in my downed state. I’d been trapped, held down by the weight of other’s words and judgements, drowning under a stream of constant reminders of what I wasn’t worth. In my Godless state, I’d been seeking help from many humans who’d been trained through science, not through spirituality. What I mean is, I’d been seeing therapists and the like, those who didn’t work under a spiritual context. They’d helped me tremendously, but never as effectively as God was about to.
Somehow, in this darkness I felt hope like no human had ever given me. I’d not asked for divine help and yet, just after Grace’s prayer for me, in came a sudden flow of concern for me, from my heavenly father, that was so present it was almost touchable.
I began living out, practicing the divine instructions that were so detailed it was almost scary. It got even more weird when I would look those instructions up later. I’d come to find that the things I was told to do had already been documented for many years.
So I started listening more and more. And every time I did, every time I acted out what I was told to do to improve my own life and the lives of those around me, everything from my perception of myself and my environment, to my behavior… it all improved by both small, continual steps and large leaps.
I became more and more addicted to the information. I began talking to God more and more frequently. The snowball effect gained momentum and has not stopped gaining since. I started having lessons that grew from seeds of wisdom, like when I heard “How can you believe in forgiveness for others when you can’t forgive yourself?”.
Conclusion. What my life is like now that I’ve been having conversations with God
Is it great? I don’t know how to answer that. In some ways, it’s awful. But I keep asking myself "how I can say that?" because, for every bad situation I’ve been in or am in now, I have guidance from a source that overrides all human insanity.
I’m sad that people are so generally broken, including me (so no judgement). I want to find the switch that puts us all back into a mode of compassion and education, love and fellowship. But since I can’t, I hang on to what my heavenly father teaches me. It greatly lessens the pain of living a broken life in a broken world.
I firmly believe this; that the more we understand something, the less it can hurt us. And when it comes to divine wisdom, all I have to do is let go of the judgement others sling my way, open my mind, ask for an explanation, listen and accept. In doing that, I can understand just about anything I need to. Of course, with that understanding comes comfort and a brighter spiritual future.
So when the neighbor next door is playing the annoyance game, or traffic ceases to smoothly take me where I need to go… when physical pain is nagging like a child pulling the parent’s pant leg, or a loved one does something to make me pull my hair out… I ask God why, he answers, and my world lightens.
It’s not exactly kind to snub someone who loves you, and it’s definitely not wise to deny connection to a source of information that goes far beyond the human collective.
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