The Monster in the Mirror

 

“Good morning,” Monster said.

She is unavoidable as she lives in my bathroom mirror. 

She appears there every morning the exact moment I step into the bathroom.

The typical conversation is as follows.

 

“Good morning!” Monster says.

“Hmph…”

“How about some light? Hmmm?”

“Hmph…”

“It’s quite easy you know. Just flick the switch. Right there by the door.”

“No.”

(Sound of things falling into the sink.)

“There went your toothbrush. And toner. Don’t try to do everything in the darkness. Just put on the light.”

“Don’t want to see you.”

“Come now. We’ve known each other for years!”

“Too long. You weren’t there when I was younger. Go away.”

“Now I cannot do that. There are rules we must obey.”

“We?”

“Mirror Monsters. Strict rules when we make our first appearance. When we appear and how we avoid attempts to get rid of us. We know all the tricks, you know. So face the inevitable me and put on the lights. You might hurt yourself in the dark.”

Sigh. I flick the switch and grab my toothbrush and pick the facial toner bottle from the sink. Without looking up I squeeze toothpaste on the brush.

Once I’ve brushed my teeth I cannot avoid lifting my gaze. She stares at me. Her hair shoots up in every direction of the compass. The antennas of Sputnik also come to mind.

A flock of crows had flown south over her face and left deep marks around her eyes. The eye bags are ready for grocery shopping - with the climate change it is a good thing to be able to carry your shopping home in your own eye bags. Or so the Monster said one morning.

Not quite sure was that an attempt of humour or stating a fact. Didn't want to ask as I probably wouldn't have liked the answer.

The sides on the Monster’s mouth curve down, making her look gloomy.

“What are you complaining? I remember you saying you find bulldogs cute,” Monster says.

If looks could kill… I straighten my back.

“Right. Time to make you disappear.”

First things first. I reach for the hairbrush. Off with the mop. With determination I detangle the bird’s nest on my head and look in the mirror again.

“Still here,” the Monster yawns.

I clean my face and reach for the Monster cream. It is of an expensive brand with an efficient sounding name telling how it both fights and protects, but I choose to call it the Monster cream. After all it is supposed to drive away the Monster in the Mirror. That was promised by the 15-year old model in their advertisement. 

I start rubbing the cream to my skin, ignoring the amused sounds Monster makes.

Then I take the Monster Eye Cream. Officially called something else but you get the logic already.

I squeeze a tiny drop of the stuff to my fingertip. Not too much or it will dry into powder around my eyes. I take a little fan and use it to make the eye cream dry faster. To my joy the eye bags of the Monster tighten up a bit.

“Try using the eye bags to bring home the groceries now!” I dare the Monster.

She yawns again.

“Just you wait when afternoon comes. I will have fought that off by then. So, what next?”

Without bothering to answer her I grab my bottle of foundation and a tiny sponge.

“Ha! Good luck with that!’ Monster laughs.

I start patting the expensive color to my face. Not too much… 

“There!”

Happy with the renewed glow of my skin I look into the mirror. 

“Just you wait until you’ve been sitting ny the computer in the office for a while. Your skin will dry and the foundation won’t stop me from coming through,” Monster says.

Her voice is a bit muffled already.

I reach for the eyebrow pencil and define my eyebrows. Then it is the turn of the mascara. Monster grins.

“Can you tell why you women have to open their mouth when putting on mascara?”

I pretend not to hear and grab my lipstick and start putting it on. Monster snorts.

I look into the mirror. She is almost gone. What could I do… Perfume! I take the perfume bottle and spray some perfume above my head. Too much makes me…

Monster sneezes. Mascara is not dry yet. I wipe the black stripes off. While the Monster laughs I pat some more foundation to repair the damage done.

There. I have done everything possible to shoo the Monster off the mirror. I turn my back and walk out of the bathroom. I close the door behind me but not fast enough.

“See you later!” the Monster chuckles.

I won’t repeat my answer here.


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