So, uh, I wrote an "ending" to the season and it's dumb as hell

I don't know what got into me today. First, some context: I've been posting daily updates to my AO3 fic, slowly porting over all my Season 8 stuff in little chunks. It's fun, especially because lately I've been getting lots of highly expressive and enthusiastic comments.

Then today I got a critical comment. Now, you all know me: I LOVE feedback of all kinds. You've seen me take your constructive criticisms and turn them into improvements and heap thanks on you afterward.

But I dunno, maybe it was something about the tone of the comment, or maybe I was just in a sassypants mood today. Today's chapter was the scene from the beginning of S08E06 - "The Lonely Hills"  where Dany is trying to help Jon ride Rhaegal, and he falls off and gets all winded and frustrated. This prompted the following exchange.

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Alex+west:

You're making it far too difficult for jon to ride rheagal, it was funny the first couple times, now its just annoyingly repetitive

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Me:

Thank you for the feedback. I hear that you are frustrated. Please accept my apologies, and the following alternate ending. I hope this addresses your concern. If you continue to be dissatisfied, please reach out to customer service at [email protected], and we will issue you a full refund.

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For one beautiful, heroic moment, we drink in the image of Jon sitting tall on his dragon's back.

The soundtrack swells. Rhaegal stretches his wings and launches into the air with Jon on his back. Dany looks on with awe and horniness as Jon climbs into the air -- the second person in over a century to ride a dragon. He performs a victory lap over the walls of Winterfell.

Rhaegal lets loose a random fireball for dramatic effect, then banks and turns his majestic head northward. He flies over the snowy landscape, eventually overtaking the KHALASAR. ARYA STARK looks up as Rhaegal's shadow falls over her. Suddenly, she too has sexual feelings for Jon. JORAH MORMONT and THE HOUND look up as well. Fuck it, so do they.

Jon flies north and north and north some more. He looks down and sees the NIGHT KING flying below him on VISERION. He urges Rhaegal into a power dive, leaps off, and drives Longclaw right into his stupid Darth Maul head. The Night King shatters into a million pieces as Jon leaps from Viserion's back. Rhaegal roars majestically as Jon lands on his back once more.

A series of shots shows all the White Walkers collapsing into ice rubble, as the wights deanimate. The Army of the Dead is no more.

Jon's reaction is understated. He nods, then turns Rhaegal's head southward.

EXT. WINTERFELL COURTYARD - DAY

A crowd has gathered. Jon lands Rhaegal in the courtyard as everyone looks on in awe and barely-concealed lust. Jon picks Dany out from the crowd and locks eyes with her. She is visibly wet.

He dismounts, and walks up to her.

JON
I've decided that being a Targaryen is actually the best thing in the world. Let's bang.

They do. Everyone cheers.

EXT. GODSWOOD - LATER

Snow falls gently all around the heart tree. Jon and Dany are getting married. Everyone is wearing very nice clothes.

JON & DANY
(in unison)
I am hers/his. And she/he is mine. From this day, until the end of my days.

They kiss. Everyone cheers.

INT. RED KEEP THRONEROOM - DAY

CERSEI LANNISTER sits upon the Iron Throne, holding court. The throne room is full of lords and ladies, visibly miserable under the terrible yoke of Cersei's reign.

With a sudden crash and a shower of rubble, DROGON pounds straight down through the ceiling, with Dany upon his back. He seizes Cersei in his teeth and flings her up into the sky. Rhaegal swoops and catches her in his claws, with Jon riding high on his back.

The dragons take turns tossing Cersei back and forth between them like a ragdoll hacky-sack. Cersei screams impotent threats as she flails through the air.

Finally, they grow bored of the game. Rhaegal blasts Cersei with fire, mid-air. Drogon catches her charred corpse in his teeth and swallows her.

Jon and Dany land their dragons in the half-ruined throne room and dismount. The dragons take off again, whipping the room with a majestic wind as they ascend back into the sky.

DANY
I'm queen now.

RANDOM LORD
What? I wanted Jon to be king!

JON
Oh. Well then, I'm king now.

RANDOM LADY
The hell you are! Dany's been working toward this for eight seasons and seven-or-more books!

DANY
We are both king and queen together.

LORDS AND LADIES
Okay, fine.

Jon and Dany ascend the steps to the dais. Together, they both sit down on the Iron Throne at the same time. Music swells. Everyone cheers.

DANY
Oh, also: I'm pregnant. With twins. A boy and a girl.

JON
We're going to name them after your favorite characters.

LORDS AND LADIES
Nice.

High above, Drogon and Rhaegal cry out triumphally as they soar and wheel through the sky.

END OF SEASON 8

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Me (commenting again, because I felt bad):

I hope this is obvious, but this was playfully intended. :) I really do appreciate feedback of all sorts, including critical feedback. Some of the best (IMO) moments in this fic are the result of major changes that I made in response to constructive criticism from early readers. I don't know why I was in a particularly snarky mood today, but hopefully this makes some people smile. All the best. <3

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