an email from my recent abuser

I just wanted to share this with my patrons, as I do not want to share this (totally) publicly, but am longing for closure. The email does not contain the sender's real name, who is an adult and was an adult when they attacked me.

Some of you might know and remember the recent smear campaign that was started against me in June of 2018. This individual  released images from behind the age protected NSFW tier run by myself and my colorist in an attempt to paint me as someone who would assault children, one image specifically photoshopped to look more sensational than it actually was.

It worked, I was told to kill myself numerous times on every platform, had my art commented on with foul and degrading language, and up until two days ago, was still being attacked and accused of things I had never done and will never do. I've spent some of my days crying into pillows until passing out. I had to up my medication, I fell into a deep depression that caused me to stop drawing for months, I had fights with my husband, I lost friends and colleagues, my reputation was ruined. I contemplated quitting the comic and changing my pen name to make new content, in order to get by without being constantly harassed. I contemplated suicide on a regular basis.

One day after releasing the recent Gil and Odin themed update, I received an email from the person who started it all.

While I have gained a little closure reading their words, I know, based on a remembrance of the actual events (which are seared into my mind) that most of what is said is false, I would like to point out a few things about this email:

-Not once does this person actually say "I'm sorry"
-By this email alone it seems they are not interested in publicly clearing my name, which is the only thing that would make up for the intense amount of suffering of the past year (I am not aware if they have actually cleared my name, as I have them blocked in every way possible outside of this new email address)
-They did not send me this until I made an update of their two favorite characters, which leads me to believe that they were complicit in their actions until they saw something out of my content that they liked
-They are quick to throw blame on others even though they personally sent me numerous emails full of degrading messages in an effort to try and break me
-They released an entire gallery of NSFW content on a social media site full of minors, which was then downloaded over 2000 times, they did this more than once
and so I have a hard time believing they actually care about victims
-They used their younger sibling to help slander me
-They used a vague "surrounded by death" comment to reflect the recent passing of my mother in law back to me in order to gain sympathy, which I found to be the most unsubtle and vile part of the entire email

I am not saying I am a perfect human being, that I have not made mistakes in the past that I am sorry for. I'm in no way trying to make excuses for myself by posting this as some kind of sob story. I just want my followers to be aware that there are people in the world hurt others for selfish reasons, like this individual and the group of people they were manipulated by, people who thoughtlessly slander others on a regular basis.

I am not the only creator who has been a victim of slander, please be aware that these campaigns are well coordinated social media storms of misinformation by people with selfish motivations and total disregard for the consequences of their actions. 

Creators are not content making machines, they are not the soulless corporations of thousands of workers that you are used to screaming at when you don't get what you want, they are individual human beings with flaws and feelings who are doing their best to survive.

If you feel justified in ruining their life and reputation over something as juvenile, trivial, and selfish as wanting something specific out of their content, please do us all a favor and stay off the internet. And if you have ever participated in a campaign of slander against a creator, don't send them an email like this one, full of excuses, just say you are actually sorry and don't ever do it again, or at the very least, fix your mistakes.

Thanks everyone for lending an ear (or an eye), this is the last time I will ever address this. 

News on new panels will be up soon, I am trying to produce a small update for this Thursday.

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