School District approves non-binary, environmentally conscious version of Noah’s Ark story for 5th grade curriculum

Creationists object, citing “scientific impossibility” of homosexual reproduction among pilgrim animals and lack of “longitudinal data” to prove global warming cause of epic flood

by Carla Marks

NORTH HARRIS VALLEY, PA - Local parents filled the Harris County Regional School District Board of Education meeting Thursday night to protest new reading materials in the Southside Elementary School curriculum. The controversial new reading material is an updated take on the story of Noah’s Ark and the world wide flood which was approved at the previous Board meeting. 

But unlike the Biblical version, this Ark contained animals from various sexual orientations including transgender elephants and a same sex couple of two male lions. Additionally, the new versions portrays the Ark as an inefficient gas guzzling boat causing carbon emissions that exacerbated the global flood.

Local activist and college student, Meghan Ryerson who was on hand to support the book. “Children of all sexual orientations need to be able to see themselves in the Ark story and all materials we give to students.”  Additionally, Ryerson and other liberal members of the community lauded the text as proof of the dangers of global warming and the likelihood of catastrophic floods if carbon emissions are not contained.

Many parents and conservative community members disagreed. Evangelical Pastor Hartley Hobbs and several members of his organization spoke up at the meeting to express outrage at the shocking text of the book. Chief among the complaints was the act of changing the story from the original text and the impossibility of homosexual animals to reproduce and repopulate the Earth. “We should not teach kids things that are scientifically impossible” Pastor Hobbs pleaded.

Local conservative groups also complained about the new book’s discussion of the human contribution to the famed deluge. Dr. Debbie Tompkins from the Institute for Truth, Science, and the American Way provided a scientific argument against the human cause of the worldwide flood. “We just do not have adequate longitudinal data to determine what, if any, impact humans had on climate changes in ancient times”, Dr. Tompkins stated in a brief presentation to the Board. She added “We do, however, salute the Board for including biblical texts in the educational program to balance out the scientific books”.

The School Board has taken all the public commentary under advisement and promises final action and a decision about the book before school begins next September.



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