Woke Forest University invites authors of complex Uniform Commercial Code to draft model contract for sexual consent

“We like how the UCC imposes gap filler provisions when the intent of the parties cannot be determined”

by Nikki Kruchev

WINSTON-SALEM, NC -  Administrators at Woke Forest University have reached out to the authors of the Uniform Commercial Code to draft a model contract for sexual consent among its students. Once drafted and approved, the new USCC (Universal Sexual Consent Code) will govern all sexual contact between students of the University. 

Millie Warmuth, Associate Dean of Student Coital Affairs in Charge of Excessive Cuddling, believes having a contract in place for all students will ensure that any sexual activity between students will meet all legal requirements.  “We are really excited to codify the student sexual experience into a universal code or contract, Warmuth said.

One of the University’s goals for the USCC is to remove any emotion from the sexual experience. This will be done, in part, by requiring all students accept and sign the sexual consent contract.

Warmuth added, “Between dealing with white male privilege, cultural appropriations, the ever-increasing list of new genders, global warming concerns and protesting Israel, our students already have enough to be emotional about. The campus safe spaces are standing room only on most days. The USCC and this office will aid the University administration in eradicating emotion from the student sexual experience.”

Of particular interest will be the “gap filler” provisions, whereby items that may not be specifically addressed in the USCC will be interpreted and ruled upon by a judge. Those rulings will be binding as if part of the USCC.

Lastly, the University will also be creating a Sexual Consent Approval Board (SCAB). All student requests for sexual activity will require approval of the board for the activity to proceed. Anyone who has interest in serving as a SCAB member can contact the Student Coital Affairs Office for more information.

 

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