HERE'S ANOTHER GATHERING THAT WE MANAGED TO RECORD IN A VERY SMALL INTIMATE BACKSTAGE ROOM . LISTENING TO THIS REMINDS ME HOW PROFOUND THESE MEETINGS WERE AND HOW QUICKLY BARRIERS COME DOWN IN THAT ENVIRONMENT. 

THANKS TO EVERYBODY FOR OPENING UP AND PARTICIPATING. WE'VE PUT TOGETHER A LIST OF QUESTIONS AND THE TIMES AT WHICH THEY WERE ASKED, TO GIVE YOU A BETTER OVERVIEW. LOTS OF LOVE, CCX

Intro

3:35 When did you know that you had hit rock bottom and needed help? Was there a specific moment when you knew?

11:10 I’ve suffered from anxiety my whole life. I’m a supervised psychologist dealing with my own demons, depression and anxiety. I’m making the first steps to deal with it but it’s hard to overcome my own stigma and not judge myself for being weak. I put helping others in crisis first. Do you have any advise to get over myself and realize I do need help too?

17:30 Going to live shows and experiencing this gathering, especially with the IAMX community, is a form of therapy for me. Having these live shows is essential and healing.

21:25 I was always a very extroverted and social person, thought highly of myself, possibly snotty even. My ex-husband wanted me to be a different person and used to make fun of me. After the divorce my life spiraled and I thought I needed to be someone different and to look different, be skinnier. A few years later I had to get back on antidepressants and gained 60 pounds which fed into my body dysmorphia. I got off the pills but the anxiety came back. Started Xanax and got addicted to it. Added Adderall. I ended up leaving my family and my loving new husband because I wasn’t myself anymore. I am now off any meds and feel better than ever.

41:00 Janine to Chris: You have changed so much from the Chris you were five years ago, when every person was a threat although you love people, you tried to control every situation and there was lots of stress, panic and fear.

44:20 I can be in one room and look at a person and think “I’m much better than you” and the next moment I think “I’m the worst”. There doesn’t seem to be a middle ground. I grew up religious and always had a lot of unanswered questions. Why did God make me look like this? I was bulimic/anorexic, then started using, once I got clean the eating disorder came back. I wasn’t focussing on my real problem (too much thinking and judging) and distracting myself with my disorders.