Really, what is a good relationship? Is it sex, candy and flowers or is it love, whisky and music? Everyone has a different definition of what a good relationship is and though I built my rep as a dating blogger based on pointing out what a good relationship isn’t, I think it’s safe to say that if you spot most of these 30 signs, you’re on the right path. At the very least, you’re not in a shit one.. But that’s all I can promise you.
Laughter is a good indicator that you’re having a good time. You know when people list qualities in an ‘ideal mate’? Sense of humor is a must. Lightens things up when things get awkward, tense or just too stressful. Make sure you’re laughing.
You feel at ease
There is something to be said about the mask we wear on the first few dates with someone. At some point, however, that mask needs to come off and you need to feel comfortable at each other’s side. If you’re always on your toes or tip toeing around how you feel, reevaluate.
It makes you strive to be a better person
A good relationship has the tendency to make you want to be a better person – period. It shows you care about your partner enough to want to be the gem of a mate they deserve.
You actually become a better person
Then after a while of striving for improvement, you realize you have actually begun improving. Feels good not to be a drunken hot mess anymore, doesn’t it? Falling in love has the tendency to bring out the best in people. Remember, I’m talking about a good relationship, not a toxic-I’m-obsessed-with-you-but-I’ll-call-it-love relationship.
You only cry a couple of times a year
Listen here, anyone who tells you crying is never the answer is full of shit and most likely has party-o-one cry sessions in the shower on a daily basis. Crying is good for you – in moderation. When you’re in a good relationship, sometimes situations make you question yourself and that can be scary. And when you’re in love with someone and they hold the keys to that sappy heart of yours, it’s very likely that though they may never mean to stomp on it, they’ll occasionally trip and bang their head against it.
You can wear your old, baggy, laundry day clothes around the house
Long gone are the days that you put on your cutest, laciest and most see through panties and tank top and say, “This old thing? I walk around the house like this all the time!” A good relationship is one where you can say, “Yo. It’s laundry day. Actually, no it’s not.. I just feel bloated and really feel the need to cover my belly.”
But you still want to dress up every now and then
But a good relationship also means you’re still putting in the effort when it’s deserved. A night out means sweatpants, side ponytails and smeared eye liner from the night before are not allowed. The occasional, “Let’s go to the movies in our pajamas” is definitely an exception.
You can share friends
The whole social thing is an important thing to do together. If you’re in a good relationship, you can go out and share friends and actually have real fun doing it. It’s a great thing to see your partner socialize and interact without you holding their hand, and sharing friends gives you the comfort of enjoying yourselves, no pressure, together.
But still have your own
More important than sharing friends is having your own group of friends who know you, love you, and can completely, subjectively, give you the advice you need. They’re also there to take you out and remind you that you’re a thriving individual outside of the relationship.
You support each other
A good relationship is marked by mutual support. After the initial honeymoon phase, your lives settle and your individual lives should continue to blossom on their own. It’s important that your partner supports you and believes in you when venturing out on your own.
You’re not a bad influence and/or vice versa
You could be head over heels for each other but if one of you brings the other down – emotionally or with a change in lifestyle – then mark my words, it’s not a good relationship and it’s not going last. Don’t be the shit who corrupts someone for your own benefit. Not only do even the most solid of marriages crumble and end, leaving your now corrupted ex-partner out on the streets with a half-fucked life, but it’s just a shit thing to do.
You can go to sleep at separate times
This says, “Hey. You’re a morning person and I’m not.. but we’re still soul mates.” Couples in a good relationship can go to sleep at separate times and still wake up together, physically and metaphorically. As nice as winding down together may be for you, it may be his only quiet time of the day… give him that.
You, without a doubt, need a separate life from your relationship. Though there are rare couples the hip-to-hip relationship works wonders for, the vast majority of people not only need it as a back up but appreciate the ‘escape’ that comes from being able to continue blossoming as an individual. Go ahead, blossom.
You can communicate
The strongest mark of a good relationship is communication. Communication saves you in bed, during a fight, and is the key to salvation right before you get in trouble for doing something you didn’t mean to do. There’s a crazy statistic I read once – that I obviously cannot source and obviously grants me a +/- 4% margin of error – that stated that 90% of fights are caused by miscommunication.
You don’t go to sleep with that feeling every night
Only couples not in good relationships could describe that feeling. It’s almost like a hole in your heart, or your stomach, contracting rhythmically, trying to tell you you’re not happy.
You occasionally fight
Keyword being occasionally, fighting is actually a healthy thing. It rejuvenates you, reminds you that you care, and does the mandatory slap in the face you need throughout the duration of a long, healthy relationship. The mark of a good relationship is that all this occasional fighting is done with respect.
You respect each other
Respect is the key to so many doors in life. You should know this if you’re an email subscriber and read our last email. It’s an extremely important factor in a good relationship because it out-the-box guarantees you check at least another 5 items off this list, like verbal and physical abuse.
You’re not banging other people
Obvious to most, foreign to others. Though I’ve been vocal about my opinion on the one-time-cheat, shagging other people behind your partner’s back isn’t really a part of being in a good relationship. Now, if your partner knows and allows it.. bang away, baby.
You take turns
Universally applies to most situations but I’m a firm believer in ‘equal’ roles in a good relationship. There will always be things one partner excels in over the other, but for everything else – such as talking, orgasming, chores, and playing with the new XBOX – taking turns is important.
You trust each other
Trust is one of the fundamental components to a good relationship and without it, you are fuckeddoomed. You should deal with your trust issues before entering a relationship anyway, and unless some deed-never-to-be-mentioned-again has been done and trust needs to be rebuilt, you have no business being with anyone you don’t trust. Step out of your lust box, does being with someone you don’t trust make any sense to you?
You’re comfortable in bed
It’s one thing to worry about your love handles during a one night shag, but being in a good relationship means exploring sexuality and allowing yourself to develop as a sexual being. That means, if you want to test out the reverse cowboy … you’re prepped and ready to go the second he’s in bed. Weird things happen to our bodies in weird positions. More comfort means better sex; better sex means better relationship.
You can share a bad burrito
Those weird things that happen to our bodies include digestive systems going haywire and sending you running to the nearest bathroom. Shit happens. When you’re in a good relationship, no matter where you are, you can give your partner the look and say, “We need to go” without it getting weird.
A gain, obvious to most and alien to others. Verbal and physical abuse are no joke and more than not defining a good relationship, they are huge red flags that you’re in a toxic relationship. Emotional abuse often falls under the radar because it’s not as easy to detect. More articles on that soon but for now, know this: good relationships are free of manipulation, pessimism and insults.
You allow one another freedom
Build a cage for your partner and he will flee before you’re done building it. Freedom is important in a good relationship and it is only given with trust is present.
You’re always growing
Life’s journey of self discovery doesn’t come to a stand still because you orgasm and fall in love. You should always be growing as an individual and feel like your life is progressing for your benefit, pursuing the dreams you’ve always had.
You defend each other
No matter what goes on at home, you defend each other in public. Hey! I’m the only one who’s allowed to call her a dirty whore! The truth is, relationships, good and bad, are complicated internally. When it comes to the outside, it’s the two of you against the world. Falling in love and being in a good relationship means protecting one another. Unless, of course, you did a shit thing and deserved to be called out in public. Obviously.
You don’t want to kill each other
Another good one. Passion is one thing, hating each other so much you can’t stand the sight of each other is another. Most couples in toxic, obsession driven relationships will swear that they have a love-hate relationship (but that it almost always leads to the best sex of their lives). That may be, but it doesn’t make it good, healthy, or a realistic long-term plan for your relationship.
You don’t snoop
A mixture of 2 other signs: trust and respect. Trust that the other person isn’t doing shit behind your back and respect their privacy, too. They didn’t enter the relationship signing their rights away. How would you feel if you came home to him smelling your panties and reading your diary? Not a good relationship.
Every Relationship is Different
Yeah, sure. But I dare you to fight me on the majority of the list above. Actually, I dare you to tell me what your idea of a good relationship is.