Dear Oprah: Please sit down and take Pfizer with you

Oh, Oprah. What are you doing? I saw the headlines on September 23rd that you'd just gotten over an pneumonia infection in August and September and yesterday I learned for the first time that you are embarking on a health and wellness lecturing tour.

OPRAH. What in God's name would make you, of all people, go on a health and wellness tour? You can be a lot of things. Important, meaningful things. Spiritual and accomplished things. Multibillion dollar things. But your lifestyle has never been healthy nor well and I am baffled at why you are touring nine cities to spout advice about a lifestyle you've never lived.

You are the CEO of a $4B empire with a stress level that 99.99% of us cannot imagine. You sleep only 5 hours a night. You're a binge eater. Except for two days in 1988, you've spent your entire adult life being 40 to 90 pounds overweight. Even now, shilling for Weight Watchers, you seem heavily dependent on having alcohol every single day. And that's fine, I'm not judging, but it's not healthy. Not to mention that, if we reach way back, you have a history of freebasing cocaine which 10 out of 10 pulmonologists would agree is not healthy for the lungs.

You are a 65-year old woman whose outward appearance couldn't exist without a team of highly-paid hair and makeup professionals, outfits with eye-popping price tags, thousand-dollar spiked heels that you can't walk in, all sucked up in Spanx with a fan gently blowing your hair around in a beautifully lit room. 

I get that you bought 10% of Weight Watchers and your investment has been volatile. We can all understand that your multibillions of dollars are just not enough; that point is nothing if not relatable. So now we'll all be forced to suspend reality and look to you as a health and wellness guru despite... everything about you. 

I wouldn't be spurred to say diddly squat about you today but for the fact you've signaled that your Weight Watchers "health and wellness tour" is a trojan horse for selling Pfizer's Prevnar 23 vaccine.

See here, everyone, exhibit A is the Oprah on Ellen clip filmed in September. 

Oprah! Health does not ever come from a needle! Weren't you the reason Jenny McCarthy came on your show to talk about vaccine-induced autism? Haven't you had Holly Robinson Peete on to say the same thing? Doesn't Holly have a show on your network? Why don't you call her up and ask her how much health came through her son's needles directly into his thighs?

I've read up on your story and you didn't have the flu before having pneumonia. You were having a lovely vacation in Europe and your only serious symptom, after coming home and resuming normal life, was a transient abdominal pain--a symptom that no one could perceive but you. You weren't hospitalized and your doctor wasn't making house calls. The biggest restriction your doctor put on you was to not fly around in your $25 million private jet

You felt your lungs were "rattly" and I'm not discounting the seriousness of a pneumonia infection but you turned to Ellen's audience with your chop-chop-chop hand and directed everyone to "get 'yer flu shots and get 'yer pneumonia shots" when you clearly either got the shots and they failed, or you didn't get the shots so it's yet another case of "vaccines for thee, but not for me." 

Did you not know that Ellen grew up completely unvaccinated? What kind of dirt do you have on her that she had no choice but to host this pneumonia vaccine commercial? Will you take a moment to LOOK AT HER FACE when you said this to her audience? 

That's what it looks like when a tiny piece of your soul dies. This is the face of a sellout. 

You, Oprah, have dabbled in plant-based eating, running, spending time in nature, and meditation for years. So when you said that  "[Pneumonia] changed the way I look at wellness, so now I'm going on tour to talk about it-- I'm trying to motivate people not to get sick with pneumonia," I'll admit that I had a WTF moment because WTF are you talking about?

And now I'm betting that Oprah is going on the road for Pfizer, maker of the Prevnar 13 and Prevnar 23 vaccines, under the guise of having "immediate contact interactions" with Weight Watchers' booming 4.6 million members

Pfizer is betting on the "Oprah effect" for its Prevnar 23 vaccine, which has seen slipping US sales in recent years. 

So I googled "Oprah" and "Pfizer." Just those two words. And look what popped up.

I hate it when I'm right. 

Now go back and watch the Oprah on Ellen clip again. Ellen made sure to introduce this segment with the explanation of "I don't know how many people know this, but you were very, very sick recently." 

Zero people, Ellen. That's how many people knew that Oprah had allegedly been sick. There was no news about it. Oprah never said she was sick, made no videos about being sick, no tweets about being sick. In fact, she says she was only cleared for travel on her private jet, conveniently, on the day of her appearance on Ellen's show! How lucky was that?

In fact, here's a real-time video post Oprah made to Twitter on September 13, which was 10 days before appearing on Ellen. It's 63 seconds of talking, some of it in a sing-song voice, but not one cough, what? But she referred to her "lung specialist" in Ellen's interview! Isn't that what pulmonologists like to be called? Let's go back and listen again and get that guy's name and look him up. 

Oh. She only called him "Dr. K." Dude saves her life and she doesn't even give him a shoutout on TV, I see how it is. I'm real sure this guy must exist and isn't made up for this story at all. 

At what speed would Oprah and Pfizer have to enter into a partnership in order for her to announce on the September 23 Ellen appearance that she would be talking about how to not get pneumonia? If she was cleared for travel on September 23 after not being allowed to jet around for a month, that puts her back to August 23, and she was sick for a week before that on the "antibiotics that didn't work" so maybe this initial diagnosis was around August 16.

That's AMAZING that Pfizer found out Oprah was sick with an infection they could have prevented with their vaccine, and they were able to partner with her and Weight Watchers in just five weeks, right in time for the Ellen show!  

Out of curiosity I popped that Weight Watchers/Pfizer link into the Wayback Machine to confirm it was created in September, maybe August at the earliest.  

Whoops. It was made June 12th.

That was 60 days before Oprah "got very, very sick" with pneumonia. Pneumonia that wasn't preceded by any viral infection, and that she didn't tell anyone about, and wasn't hospitalized for, but her life was saved by a doctor she calls only by the first initial of his last name. 

Oprah, you have gone way, way off the rails. You are driven by greed and have dived into a product whose safety and efficacy you know absolutely nothing about. I'm saying this with love: you deserve what's coming to you

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