After getting away from his cruel father's tyranny, Randall has to learn how to live again and accept the person he was meant to be - with a little help of certain someone...


An empty shell. That's all the twenty-five year old Randall now is. Growing up as gay in a household where gay people are hated, he had to learn to act someone else in order to survive. After growing up being abused and humiliated by his homophobic father, he's forgotten the person he once was. Unable to feel or create any kind of relationships, Randall is repeating the same pattern every day: go to work, work out, watch TV and drink, struggling to hold onto his will to live.

When a gay bar opens its doors in his neighborhood, the fragile balance he has created with himself is in danger of being destroyed when his true self is trying to break free.

And to make things worse, there is a guy at his gym. A kind guy with a nice voice, who likes talking people's ears off. A guy who can see his suffering and is willing to do whatever it takes to help him. 

A guy who is making Randall to feel once again. 

(Warning, this novel contains verbal and physical abuse!)

Chapter Selection

1. Torment | Free

2. Freedom | Free

3. Meeting Him | Free

4. Nightmare | Free

5. Fearful Eyes | Free

6. Crashing 

7. To Stay Sane

8. Not Well 

9. Silent Plea 

10. Letting Closer

11. Breaking Point 

12. To End It All 

13. Saved by Him 

14. To Make Things Right 

15. His Confession 

16. Feeling Something Nice 

17. Back in Therapy 

18. Quiet Humming

19. Midnight Talk 

20. To Be Happy

21. Held by Him 

22. Feelings Are Complicated 

23. Battle of Voices 

24. Empty Shelter 

25. Talking 

26. Different Language 

27. T-Shirt 

28. Something Personal 

29. New Energy 

30. Step into the Unknown 

31. Comfort 

32. Whatever It Takes 

33. The Whole Point 

34. Nine Years Lost 

35. Worst Fear 

36. No More Pretending  

37. Right Direction 

38. Lazy Day 

39. Getting Nowhere 

40. New Tools 

41. No One Else 

42. The Date 

43. Trust 

44. The First Time 

45. Better Than Ever 

46. Corner 

47. Another First 

48. Under the Flag 

49. Breaking Free 

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