{public post} 

hey my loves 

since people are getting confused and asking and my phone and inbox is blowing up with “where‘s neil”? a few times a minute....i can only gather that he’s finally told the internet that he’s left new zealand, and i thought i would come here with a short note.  

neil has left for the U.K.

‪i’m still in lockdown here in new zealand with 4-yr-old ash for the foreseeable future. ‬

all i can say is that i’m heartbroken, i really am profoundly struggling and i need to call my community to me like never before.‬ i need you. 

i am so far from home and so alone right now. i do not know what is going to happen. 

‪so you all know: this did not happen because of COVID or lockdown, though the timing is comically bad; other things came to light after we got here to new zealand. 

in fairness to all, and to keep little ash (who will not always be little) protected, the details aren't for the public. 

i wish i could answer everyone’s well-wishes...and just know ... i’m receiving them. if you’re one of my friends or family who has reached out and i haven’t been able to answer, i am so so sorry. just understand. 

i am strapped for time and currently flailing and trying to keep the kid okay. it’s been six weeks since he saw a child his own age. 

just know that i’m getting your messages and that i’ve never been in a weirder, harder struggle, and i’m going to need your support and understanding around all manner of things, since my time to take care of basic patreon and music and art stuff has dwindled even further away.   

‪i miss anthony a lot. 

he would remind me: 

everything changes. 

and he would be so proud of me right now. 

i know he would. 

my commitment to radical compassion has not shifted. i am trying. i have a great deal of compassion for neil. i always have and always will. 

i love him, deeply. 

it appears that i was was on tour for a year talking about the extreme dark and light for a reason. i was in training for this week. 

it seems that my life was not rehearsal for my show...the show was a rehearsal for my life. 

go into the dark. 

make light. 

‪the inheritance of pain & trauma through the generations is so vast. ‬
‪may all beings be safe from harm, danger and suffering. ‬may we all, all, all be free and happy. me, you, neil, ash and .... everybody. 

especially now. 

what a world we are in. 

i love you all more than i can say. thank you for being here.  

‪♥️‬

x

afp 

------THE NEVER-ENDING AS ALWAYS---------

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