The Weekly Protest | Cold Turkey - Twitter Versus Cigarettes

In my not-so-humble opinion, it is easier to quit smoking cigarettes than it is to quit Twitter.

When you quit smoking cigarettes, you start to save money.

When you stop tweeting, you save no money and you feel like you lost a free happy pill, even though I can't think of an instance where using Twitter was a happy occasion, the endorphins of outrage and anger that the app releases are just that strong. Like a cigarette making you sick and addicted to the sickness, such is twitter. As Chandler Bing said in that one episode of Friends where Rachel starts smoking, "You look happy, and sick, you smoked!" Such is Twitter.

When you quit smoking cigarettes, you're moody for a few days, but eventually, your brain chemistry gets back to normal.

When you quit Twitter you're mad about not getting to be mad all the time anymore, and you still probably get a fix from Facebook or Instagram. For smokers when they need a fix when they quit they need patches, gum, or they just relapse.

When you quit smoking cigarettes, if you relapse you just buy a few packs, but you probably will start quitting again eventually. (Fun Fact: It takes the average smoker 13 tries to quit completely).

When you relapse on Twitter you are putting everything that could and should be private into the ether of a network of strangers, unless you're one of those weirdos who only follows people you know personally on a website meant to be a public forum.

When you quit smoking cigarettes, you can breathe easier.

When you quit Twitter you breathe heavier because you wonder all day, "What am I missing? How are my favorite mutuals? Where do I go for friends while I wait out this damn pandemic?"

When you quit smoking, everyone pats you on the back and wishes you well.

When you quit Twitter, everyone asks you why you started tweeting in the first place.

There are some similarities too. When you quit either one, you will fiend for it a little bit. ("Fiending" is what my generation calls "jonesing", and "jonesing" is what boomers call withdrawl, another fun fact for you.)

When you quit either one, you have more time to yourself, and you probably don't know what to do with it.

When you quit either one, you fidget a lot, you get a desire to impulsively do something with your hands.

When you quit either one, you realize how much you wasted on this one addictive thing that you didn't even like that much in the first place (This is only half true because I do like tobacco.)

When you quit either one, things feel like they are only getting harder before they start to get better.

When you quit either one, you are always tempted to go back to it, and you have to fight the impulse to relapse, and the only weapon against it is willpower. Things like the patch and Instagram don't make the addiction go away, they just supplement the source of the high.

So, fuck it. I don't need Twitter or cigarettes, I have cigars and Tik Tok.

Are you on Twitter? Do you still tweet? Why? Does it serve you? Fire away in the comments with your thoughts. Don't forget to share this article away, ironically probably on Twitter.  -\_("/)_/-

Is Twitter worth it? Or am I just being melodramatic for clicks? Don't hold back your thoughts fellow pinkos, weridos, and freaks. 


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