Dear Friend,

I didn't realize, I didn't know. I thought I was free when I left you. I thought I had healed, I thought I was whole after I walked away. I couldn't see the damage you had done,so clear to those on the outside.

They were silent until now, in the aftermath.

I know you didn't mean to, you abused yourself as much as me. You didn't consider the pain your actions caused. I still flinch when someone reaches out, I freeze when asked how I feel. 

I thought I was safe, until the aftermath. 

I couldn't see that I was your emotional punching bag, until after I walked away. I told myself you loved me, you just didn't know how to show it. I told myself I had gotten past the torment.

After years of emotional abuse I am numb, until the aftermath.

I didn't want to believe you meant what you said, I didn't want to feel the pain you caused.  I thought I had found security and love, I thought you were different.

That doesn't change the scars left behind, in the aftermath.  

I gave you my all, my love my heart my trust. You told me I wanted too much, you gave so little. I thought if I just tried again, gave more, asked for less.  You didn't have enough to give, not even for yourself. 

Now I know, in the aftermath.

Now I am alone, and realize I always have been. 

You were never there, you couldn't give love when you didn't have it for yourself. Maybe I thought I could heal you, maybe you thought I could too.

I am letting go, rebuilding myself in the aftermath.