Anxiety
 
 

I considered myself to be a rather laidback person. I wasn't usually ruffled by things. I just rolled with the punches.

Then I became a father.

Now it's just worries about my kids all day long. Are they healthy? Are they happy? When they're not directly in my line of sight are they even alive?! These things still weigh heavily on my mind, but I've managed to reduce the anxiety to a dull roar.

Now I'm sitting at my computer, a little shaky, because I told someone about my Patreon page.

I want to become an author, even if I'm a self-published author. I will publish a book, even if it takes me years. And it will be good, no matter how much work I have to put in to make it good. But, for the moment, I only get snatches of time to work on it. I wake up at 5:00 every morning specifically to work on it. I have a small break after my day class and spend half of it looking back and forth between my phone and notebook as I peck away on my Bluetooth keyboard. But, what I want - what I really, really want is to spend hours and hours wrting. I want to spend the whole day pouring over each and every word I write. I want to sit down after breakfast, do some work, get up to eat lunch, then sit back down until supper. I want this to be my full-time job, so I made this Patreon page.

But, I'm horrible at self-promotion. I want my writing to speak for itself, but I'm new and inexperienced and my writing needs a lot of work, so until then, it's just my personality that people see. And that's a horrifying thought. I want to hide behind my writing and let it do the talking, but I find that my writing is too young and immature to speak for itself. I have to be its spokesperson. It hides behind me.

So, now the world judges my book, my literary child, by watching me. Which is why I'm so anxious. Whether or not my book is any good doesn't matter. I could have written the next great American novel, but if I'm not more active on Facebook and Twitter, it'll get lost in piles and piles of lesser works on Amazon Kindle (not that I think I have the next great American novel. This was just an example. Almost a joke).

But, I am trying. I'm more active on Facebook and Twitter. I have accounts on Instagram and Critique Circle (a website for writers) and I try to post every where when I can. 

But, I can't do it alone. I need your help. If you could Like, Share, and Retweet these blogs post then my book can reach a much wider audience than I am capable of reaching by myself. Everyone who clicks on the link is a potential patron and if I ever make it as an author, it will be thanks to you, those who started the journey with me.