The apology I am talking about in the title is the one from me towards you and all of my readers around the world. I have managed to neglect my own state of mind and health, to ignore all those people who told me time and time again that I should take a break. I ignored them and this ended up biting me back.
Several days ago, I suffered from a mild panic and depression attack caused by overwork burnout. I was honostly completely oblivious to the existence of this condition and also the possibility of it happening to me until it actually did.
How did I get to this point? Well...
For the past two and half years I've been constantly chugging out chapter after chapter, writing as fast as I could and always trying my best to bring about the best quality that I could muster without cutting corners. This in itself was NOT what caused my burnout but my innability to moderate myself and take breaks as often as possible to allow both my mind and body to recover.
My good friend PengWing told me that I should balance my life better, and that's exactly what I didn't do.
In the past two and a half years, I've not take even one single serious vacation from my work as a writer. I've kept writing or thinking about writing from the moment I got up until I went to bed. When I failed to meet my terms of posting chapters, I would usually get frustrated and end up trying to fool myself by thinking up other worlds I should write about. This in itself led to me creating a great number of other fictional stories in plot and idea only, but this in itself wasn't peace and relaxation, it was still work.
Little by little the stress accumulated to the point where even writing the plot became difficult, tiring, the process itself dragging on for more than it should. All of these were signs of both my mind and body telling me that I need to take a break.
I love writing, but I was an idiot for forgetting the fact that I'm human too.
In the last article I wrote (a self-therapy article to help me get over that difficult moment) I received a lot of comments and a lot more supportive feedback than I had thought possible which made me very happy overall and it worked to boost my spirit.
I have read all of your replies, taken into consideration all of your advices and suggestions. Most of you urged me to take a break, some to look back at how I started it all and remember the flame that kindled my desire to write. My close friends agreed with you all and urged me to do the same before something worse happened.
I want to thank all of you for your immense support. It helped me understand the foolish mistake I made far better than I thought possible.
As such, I came to a decision.
I'm going to take a break from writing.
I'm going to take a serious break from writing, one without any worry of the chapters I am to post and of any worry of the pages I need to edit (btw, when I come back, I'm doing one last editting run for 3 e-books I've been working on and then I'll be posting them up here. Patrons who supported me so far will receive a free version).
As for how long this break is going to take? One week, maybe two, as long as it takes so that when I return I'll be fresh and ready to dive back into those stories and set them on fire once again! :) (Not literally, I don't want to be convicted of arson :)) )
I'll also be taking into consideration all of those advices you all gave me and during this break I'll be looking at how I write, why I write, what my end goals are, what I desire, all of this stuff.
I think this unfortunate event holds its happy side as well. It will help me make some new changes in my life which will lead to me becoming a better person and of course, a better writer.
That being said, thank you everyone for your support and pray for my quick recovery so that I may return to writing healthier and better than before! ;)