Batman and Robin Eternal #15
 

Great! A battle between two of my least favorite characters!


I'm going to try something different because I'm still trying to organize my 2016 writing life. Current Patrons of my Patreon will probably want to read this bit because it pertains most to them: I'm going to return to doing all of my commentaries for free. But they will remain on Patreon as a place where people can choose to support me or not. You probably didn't see it but that "not" was infused with all kinds of judgy side-eye! Ha ha! No, no! Just kidding in the way I always kid which is not really but I don't want everybody to feel uncomfortable so I'm laughing awkwardly now and rushing to the kitchen to get hors-d'oeuvres (when will I ever learn how to spell that word?! Christ! I use it enough in all of my catering fanfic). I'll figure out a way to reward monthly contributors although do I actually have the capability of producing something that somebody would consider a "reward"? Probably not. The main reason I'm doing this is because I love writing commentary on comic books. I also love to be paid for them. But I do so many that I need to stop stressing over how spectacularly awesome every one turns out since I know people are paying to read them. If people are just paying because they know putting some coins in the hat as they pass by my emaciated and shivering and not drunk at all body (well, not too drunk) is just the right thing to do then I don't mind pumping out a bunch of shit commentaries just to fucking knock down this ever growing pile of to-be-read comic books!


One thing contributors will get will be copies of my cribbage role-playing game, cRPGe!, when I finally finish it. And, after finishing the introductory book and module, they'll receive any other modules for free as well. Everybody else will have to pay for them via Kindle or some weird website that does PDFs on demand or--and this isn't actually going to be an option so why am I saying it--printed up and sent out by my own hands! Ugh. That sounds awful. Why do people put themselves in positions where they have to do things that don't involve sex, food, or video games?


This is the place where I put the "Keep reading" link which will send you to the Patreon page to finish reading the now free commentaries. Unless you're already on Patreon. Then you'll just continue to the next paragraph without any interruptions.


Oh! One more thing! Keep in mind that this also gives me a super easy out to just fucking kill this bullshit writing project when it's obvious that nobody fucking gives a monetary damn. That sentence wasn't typed in a bitter and exasperated way at all! Honest! I was just being transparent! This blog has been a lot of fucking work! I'm also setting up a Paypal Donation link for options.



The issue begins with Jean-Paul Valley pontificating like a huge douchebag manning the register at New Seasons while I'm just trying to buy some Swedish Fish.


Maybe I don't like Jean-Paul Valley because he's too much like me. I also know nothing is real except for me! Except Jean-Paul is also a lie because after he declares he is all there is, he has an argument with some Godhead or something. The Godhead he's "arguing" with uses the word "pleroma" which is a clue that Jean-Paul Valley is schizophrenic and obsessed with Gnosticism. The upside of that is that I'm actually interested in New 52 Jean-Paul Valley!



See? Voices in his head. A city called Gnosis. Jean-Paul Valley's brain chemistry has betrayed him into thinking he sees the connection between all things.


I don't have schizophrenia but I have done mushrooms and LSD quite a few times throughout my late teens and early twenties. Reading accounts of people with schizophrenia (Mark Vonnegut's account in The Eden Express being a particularly good one that touches on the relationship between LSD and schizophrenia), I feel like I've had a few glimpses into living with the disease. LSD allows you to see how it all fits together. While on it, everything seems connected and every thought is profound. Looking back the next day after you've come down, you realize you were quite clearly believing insane gobbledygook. But it was magical and transcendent while you were experiencing it. That's the life of a schizophrenic. It must be exhausting. But I can also see why a schizophrenic would stop taking their medication so that they could get their universal insight into everything back. Medicating schizophrenia is like taking away four of your five senses (even if those four senses had been feeding you a load of bullshit inputs. You've still lost 80% of what you had previously been experiencing); the world is suddenly dull, muted, and incomprehensible. I have a feeling that most schizophrenics who continue to take their medication to maintain a normal life do so because that level of existence must be exhausting. Also the voices. The voices are scary and horrible and even more scary than what I meant by the first use of the word scary. I had auditory hallucinations while on LSD and mushrooms but nothing on the level of having a thought in my head and being convinced it was some other entity speaking to me. Getting rid of the voices is also probably a good reason to medicate. Even if that means your poetry is going to fucking suck now.


Tim and Jason have found their way to Gnosis, the secret city of St. Dumas. Or Tim has and he's dragged the unconscious body of his pal Jason all the way there. Or it's a trap. Or it's...well, I can barely even remember why they're here. I think it was because they stole some information before jumping out of a window and into the ocean and swimming to Gotham covered in shark repellent.



Tim must really like Jean-Paul Valley to tell him his real name so soon! He wouldn't even tell his fellow Titans his name until Will Pfeifer screwed up and simply assumed they all knew it.


Red Hood is thrown in a pit while Red Robin goes off to party with Azrael. Red Robin is brought before St. Dumas. Hopefully he'll ask him what all of this has to do with the Mother plot because I just praised this comic in my last commentary for sticking to the fucking story. I had forgotten about this side story with Azrael. It's Storyline B in the same way the mystic bullshit happening in Arkham was Storyline B in Batman Eternal. Unless that was one of Storylines C through X.


St. Dumas doesn't have enough money in the budget for two archangels so he explains to Azrael and Red Robin that they're going to have to fight to the death for the position.


Meanwhile years ago (does that make any sense? If it doesn't, shut up), Scarecrow delivers Batman's psychological profile--written by Batman!--to Mother. The Orphan advises against her getting into bed with Bruce Wayne but who has ever been able to take that advice? Bruce Wayne asks you up to his bedroom, you go or you regret, for the rest of your life, never having the best orgasm ever. Batman now has mother believing that he really wants her Super Robin. It's time to head to Egypt and kill some lucky kid's parents!


Back to Gnosis and Jason and Tim's plan that should never have worked because everybody should realize at this point that any time they seem to be betraying one another, it's just a ploy, Jason and Tim's plan works.



Did anybody else giggle at the phrase "you released an electromagnetic pulse in my sanctum"?


St. Dumas plays the part of the Emperor and begins flinging Red Robin all over the room while Azrael's heart begins to grow three sizes. Or maybe his balls grow three sizes because he doesn't really care about Tim, he's just pissed that St. Dumas cares so little for him and his ability to fill the Azrael role. So he goes Darth Vader on St. Dumas's ass and saves Tim. I mean, that's probably what's going to happen but it doesn't happen yet. What does happen is Red Hood is hit with Project Ichthys. That was the thing I'd forgotten earlier which ties The Order of Dumas to Mother. It's meant to wipe a child's mind and then brainwash the child into becoming the perfect little slave. Dumas is using it to turn Jason Todd into the next Azrael. That makes sense since he's already got the mask and the penchant for killing.


Batman and Robin Eternal #15 Rating: No change. I don't have anything else to say about this comic book. Maybe that it convinced me to dust off The Exegesis of Philip K Dick and finally finish reading it? Maybe doing that convinced me that I need to get a handle on this stack of comic books and whittle it down so I can do reviews of books as they come out? And that, in turn, will allow me to concentrate on some other projects instead of sitting here staring at the huge stack of comics and realizing I'm almost as far behind as when I began this blog four years ago with four months of New 52 comics waiting to be read. Okay, I'm not that far behind! I'm not even a full month behind. But I need to think up some short cut to clear the stack because I'm certainly not capable of doing four of these things per day just to catch up!