Beginner Mind and the Untamed Witch
 
(Some of this was posted on Facebook on Thursday, September 7.  A friend, encouraging me to keep writing, said, "The long facebook posts get lost. Try cross-posting to your blog and/or Patreon."  So. Here ya go.)


Pottery class: I think it's really, really good for me to be learning something I know nothing about, at all. I was clumsy, laughing nervously, complaining, exclaiming surprise (I'm pretty sure everyone else was silent). I made the clay too wet to stick to the wheel. I used to much pressure and not enough. I held my fingers wrong and my elbows in the air. I collapsed, wobbled and ruined things. The plate (it's called a "bat") that attaches to the wheel came flying off and across the room like an old record album.

It was spectacular! LOL! I was a spectacle.

For a while, I just allowed myself to play, to sense, to come into relationship with wheel and clay--not trying to make anything. I let the rotating wheel lull me. I let myself feel the moist earth, slippery cool, move beneath my hands, pliable yet resistant.

I managed to make two bowls -- one more saucer than bowl-shaped.

It's good to be humbled and in the role of absolute beginner. I learned as much about myself tonight as I did about pottery.

I learned I need to be in more spaces where I am not "the expert."

I learned that undergoing thirty months of isolation in FL means that when I get around people now, I'm a bit too loud, too unrefined, unrestrained, lacking social grace. I am uncivilized.  The Witch, it turns out, grows in power during periods of silence.  When unleashed upon unsuspecting citizenry, she makes others uncomfortable.

I learned that I don't need to and will not tame, civilize, tone down, quieten or shrink in any way in order to accommodate the expectations of overly-civilized humans.  It's totally okay with me if others think I'm too much Muchness.  This lesson alone was worth the price of the pottery class.  I learned that I actually have zero fucks to give about what other people think about my being fully, completely, unapologetically, outrageously my Self.

And, even that paragraph ^^^ feels like it needs a disclaimer, a softening explanation, a down-toning.

Not
Gonna
Happen.
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