I finally understood
through these echoes of
one’s despairness
they never actually got easier
in fact,
it has become a little of my own
liberal, warm calamity
to keep undoing the loathing
of killing its own bitter,
fateful spirits on a warm plate  
needing my sanity back
I’ll spread the weary load on
another sort of pinfold
so I don’t see myself sitting for hours
in the shower again