“I should start at the beginning . I was born with a chemical imbalance . My mother was a victim of domestic violence at the hand of my father. So from birth I had problem with extreme emotional fluctuations. I was often abused and severely chastised for not being in control of “myself” . Let me make it clear I do not blame my mother at all for any of my “issues” .
I suffered from excessive digestive issues from trying to internalize everything and at 10 was diagnosed with a spastic colon (very painful “contraction” like pains). I found my safe place was my closet . My sort of “secret garden” . I placed pillows around the floor and blankets (in my mind it was like a tent in the desert in some far away place)and in the corner a small lamp. I guess really it was my panic room also. I would escape and read my books and the world was gone.
Young adulthood came hard. Hormones and mental illness are hell. At 18 I took a whole bottle of my prescription antidepressants. All I remember after that was the huge tube going down my throat, how awful the charcoal was, and fake EVERYONE was being. To nice. Then I got scared!
But I’m still here!
I slept three days they said. Woke up finding out I was going to be a mommy!
I was young , but the moment I realized I was mother I knew I had someone else to be responsible for. Someone I would be able to give a parent I needed. At this point I realized my diagnosis is something that I have to accept and work with it .
I am forty-three now and an artist. I am diagnosed with severe OCD, PTSD, manic depression, and anxiety. I find myself in art and photography. I now have three perfect children I mean adults and I have six gorgeous grand babies!”