Disclaimer: The But! series is being done to address common self victim blaming. This series is not intended to be used to educate non-survivors. This series is done by a survivor for other survivors. The pronouns used in the But! series will be random, often times switching even throughout the post.
But we’d already started….
But he was almost done….
But she was already in the groove….
Consent? ends the moment it ends.
It does not end the moment the other party feels ready to acknowledge it.
Beyond ‘I said no while he was cumming’ (and even then- they should still be able to physically get off- even if they aren’t able to stop themselves from cumming) there is no ‘I couldn’t stop myself’. there is only ‘I chose not to stop myself’. Some rapists will defend their actions as ‘they were almost done’, but what they’re saying is ‘I was perfectly aware my partner stopped consenting, I didn’t care because my orgasm was more important.’
Their orgasm? is not more important.
No ones orgasm is more important than consent.
The moment a partner says ‘no’ (or agreed upon safe word)- everything should stop, or at least pause for a check in. Not a pause and then just keep going if they don’t say anything else.
The moment a partner says ‘you’re hurting me’- everything should stop, so that the parties can either figure out how to change position so that it no longer hurts, or stop entirely.
If they don’t? that is not your fault.
It is not your job to put up with sex until someone is finished.
You did not enter a contract with them when you agreed to have sex with them. You are allowed to end your consent at any point and time- and if they do not respect that?
Your trauma is valid.
Your pain is valid.
and you? You are valid.