closing this account
 
due to the past couple months, my life as it stands, my mental health, and other uncontrollable forces, i believe this patreon has hit the end of its road-- for now at least.

i do desperately want to try again sometime in the future if my life allows, but i definitely want to take it at a different angle. i've learned a lot in the months i've ran this account, and i hope if i ever try again, it'll surpass this attempt.

i don't see myself miraculously improving in any fashion to continue this account in the way you all deserve, as all i've offered have been life updates the past several months. my mental health is currently the biggest roadblock, and all i've been doing is stress myself out over this account as of late. it should be fun, it should be a giant group effort... but it didn't really come out how i intended and i feel the interest in this account has waned. there's several things to blame: my lack of content, the loose concept of this account's content, no community in which things are produced for. i have several other nitpicks with how this account has gone, being pulled in too many directions, the biggest being: nothing i really did warranted a "patreon experience." the reviews/journals i did were posts you could find on tumblr for free, there wasn't a giant express of interest in source files, and i had no general content usher. point being, had i been working on a comic or video game or something of interest, the wips and blogs may be more widely anticipated. instead, i only had friends who wanted to financially help me out. now, i'm not complaining about that! i definitely appreciate the help and support not only morally but financially, more than i could ever express... but it felt like a business, like how commissions are done. i offer the content for the pledge amount, and we both wash our hands and go home happy. there wasn't really a sense of community for a sole purpose, just unconditional support. that's... not really what i wanted when i made this account? i wanted to foster a group of horrorheads and monster creation through community efforts. admittedly, i went about it in a crude fashion, and i take the brunt of the fault for that. and in the past month and a half, i feel like there hasn't been any sort of consequence for not producing my end of the deal. it feels like BECAUSE you were all my friends and so understanding and unconditional in your support that the content wasn't really worried about, it was more so financially helping me out. there hasn't ever really been a demand for the content... just helping me out. and now that i'm behind, i feel i will only continue to get more stressed and slip further behind in a giant "feels bad because i owe content -> doesn't do content because i feels bad" cycle, continuing to not produce content. and... i almost feel like none of you would mind? that feels gross to me, as if i'm taking advantage of you all. i want to do work for my money unless it's presented as a gift (and even then i want to repay the gift). once again, i'm not complaining or saying your support is bad or harming me, but maybe supporting me through patreon isn't the way we should go about it. maybe a commission here or there that isn't tied to a strict monthly basis would be more beneficial to my mental health and your received content.

in closing, this account is closing for good reason. i've deeply appreciated everybody's support, but i don't think it ended up the way either parties intended. and that's okay! it was a learning experience, and as i've said, if i ever decide to try out patreon again, i know what NOT to do. and hey, isn't that what life is about?

this post and account will stay up for the remainder of the month so everybody can see it and know what's up (if you haven't already been personally contacted/seen the thread on twitter). i'm going to work on a way to archive this account for future reference, and figure out how to go about changing things on my end. i will make sure to take it down before the next billing cycle just in case anybody forgets to unpledge before then. i will be either refunding or finishing owed rewards, depending on what each person wants (only really pertains to ibee and sevi).

again, thank you all for your endless love and support this account got. we gave it a good shot, and i appreciate how long it lasted. <3