Collection of Old Random Hearthstone Stories
 A New Salt

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It took Richard 5 games to get holy smite in his opening hand and start first, but it would all be worth it.

"FINALLY!  The combo!" Richard exclaimed to absolutely no one. He cast the card on  his opponents face and then ended his turn. His opponent, a hunter,  responded with a thanks emote and played some crummy two drop. Once it  was Richards turn again he was finally able to finish the best combo in  hearthstone.

"THE LIGHT SHALL BURN YOU!" He  screamed, again to no one, as he used the threaten emote and then his  hero power, healing the hunter back to full health, thus making his use  of holy smite completely worthless. He clicked on his hero and selected  the oops emote and then conceded.

"I've done it...  I've become a shitty hearthstone meme." Richard said to no one for the  third time in the past few minutes as he prepared to exit out of the  game and go to bed.

I really need to stop talking to myself...

"If you did that, then who else would you talk to?"

Richard spun his chair around to see Never Lucky himself standing before him in all his salty glory.

"K-Kripparrian?" Richard stuttered out as he beheld the form of his personal deity.

"Yes,  it is I, the salt god. I've come to you with a proposition that I think  you'll find most tempting." The Canadian proclaimed, his radiant visage  almost burning the eyes of the poor mortal before him. "Hearthstone  land is in danger, and it needs a hero to save it. YOU will be that he-"

"Well that's a crock of shit, I'm going to bed." Richard cut off his god, leaving him stunned as he made his way to his bed. 

"Wh-  bu- you- what?" Krip stuttered, completely lost for words. "I AM YOUR  GOD, YOU WILL DO AS I SAY" He shouted, but it had no effect, for the  mortal was already snoring. "Fine I'll just get Rekful to do it.  Hopefully he doesn't miss lethal when it counts...."


 Justa' Card

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Justicar Trueheart knocked on  Trump's door, feeling nervous about meeting the Mayor of Value Town. A  rustling sound could be heard inside Trumpo's abode before the door  swung open with a mighty whoosh.

"I'm playing a  control warrior mirror match right now if you could come back later that  wo-" Trump cut off as he noticed who was standing before him.  "Justicar? What are you doing here! I NEED you in my game!"

Trueheart was about to respond when Trump picked her up and threw her into  his computer monitor. Trump sat down and watched as his next draw was  Trueheart. "Finally, I can out armor him!" Trumpo exclaimed as he did  the ten mana hero power, Justicar, hero power play and ended his turn.

Justicar's  sacrifice totally went in vain. Trump was a master of value, but even  he couldn't beat the top-deck Varian Wrynn into Cairne, Alexstrasza, and  Sylvanas. If it weren't for that draw he would of won the game, and  going to jail for murder wouldn't of hurt so much.

At the trial the judge asked Trump if he was ready to face justice, so trump asked him if he was ready to face polymorph.

                                                            R.I.P. Tirion 1942-2016  

                                                                  He was great value


 A Luck In The Darkness

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Uther Lightbringer sweat as he  looked down at his only card, A Light in the Darkness. his health was  low, his enemy had a full hand. The card was truly his only hope. The  card had come through for him before and this time it would be no  different. Casting it on 10 mana, he got the best outcome he could have  hoped for...

High Paladin Tirion Fordring was a  master swordsman, as you would probably expect considering he cost eight  mana. It was with the utmost ease that he slayed Cairne Bloodhoof with  his sword, Ashbringer.

Baine Bloodhoof came to avenge his father, shouting "Ishne'alo'porah!" as he struck.

"Don't  test me child!" was Tirion's retort as he parried Baine's hammer and  delivered a counter cut to his arm, causing the Tauren to drop his  weapon. Kicking the beast onto his back, he switched to a mordhau grip  to deliver a powerful murder-stroke to his enemies head, knowing the  Taurens thick skull might as well of been a solid steel helmet. A simple  cut or slash would do him no good here.

Baine had  fallen to Ashbringer, and tirion still had health. A card that could out  trade a cairne without dying itself was pretty amazing, especially  since Tirion's value didn't end there.

Tirion's  next foe was a sen'jin shieldmasta, which he again dispatched with ease,  but was too injured to keep on fighting. Throwing his Ashbringer to  Uther, he left the battlefield knowing that his brother in arms would  finish this.

Uther lightbringer took the Ashbringer  in his hands and prayed to the holy light that his strike would land  True. "Gul'dan, Your reign of terror ends now, Justice DEMANDS  Retribution!" The paladin shouted as he struck his opponents face with  exact lethal, winning the arena match and obtaining a 12-0 perfect run.

The  warlock player he defeated kicked his desk as hard as he could, his own  perfect 12-0 run being stolen by the luckiest rng in all of  hearthstone.

"Fucking paladin! That shit is so  fucking broken! Of course his last card gives him Tirion! What is that  shit?!?!?!" the overweight man ranted, causing his five year old  daughter to wake up and come into his room.

"Daddy, why are you yelling?" His daughter said innocently, looking up at him.

"Because paladin is cancer sweety. If daddy ever see's you play paladin he'll rip your head off and eat it."

Instead of crying and running back to bed like he expected her to, his daughter turned into a paladin and cut his head off.

                                                                  R.I.P. Asshole Warlock

                                                      That rng was actually pretty insane