Cleaned up my room. Dug up old drawers. Found letters from friends, lovers, family. How relationships so strong then become so vague now? Even with Facebook and all, these old friends feel like strangers now.

Found old diaries. Everything I wrote back then seems so idiotic and overly dramatic. Now looking back I can only feel disgusted with myself and realized how naive and shallow I was, feeling overly hurt over small matters.


Found old demo tapes. Looked at all the album covers I designed. They all felt so pretentious, and naively hopeful.


Reflecting at the present now, I can only doubt with everything of their authenticity, the permanence of things; my relationships, my confidence at my work; are they as good as i think they are now, or are they just bunch of nonsense that I think they're good, and my feelings; what makes me so sure my thoughts and feelings are mature-ready?


Or there's another alternative to look at things: we are always growing.


The reason whenever we look back at ourselves and realized how small we were, it's because we have grown. Therefore we sense the smallness, because we are bigger and everything else has seem smaller. Additionally we must always remember that there will always be room for growth.


So I guess the secret is not to look back and appreciate the present at it's fullest and never stop growing.


I'm saying goodbye to my old room. New room will be up tomorrow.


-chinyew

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