The best explanation I can give people is like there is an enormous emotional well, for ten years I found myself slumped at the bottom of it. All I could do was absorb. I was like a sponge absorbing all of the water out of the well until it was dry. Things, situations would trigger me and I would find myself lolling about in the darkness, occasionally looking up at the small circle of sky wondering how I'd ever get back.
I tried so hard to snap out of it. I would work but I had no energy. Joke to cover for how I really felt. I felt like a mess. I would meditate and pray for a solution but I was given clear indications that everything was the way it was meant to be. Throughout this whole time my partner stood by me, yes I was difficult, yes there were times they wanted to leave me, but we talked about it and I modified my behavior to accommodate and acknowledge their needs. We even moved countries in the hopes that it would help my condition and our situation. There was love, understanding and support, but this was something I had to do alone. So I resigned to the fact that the world, the universe, had passed me by and I had nothing more to offer.
One thing that carried me through this period was online gaming. It helped me shift out of my world into another more creative space. Sure most of the other players were shitbags arguing on /tradechat, but I found a few lost souls who played at my pace. I don't know who they are, but we had some fun together.
Eventually my well ran dry. I had an event, a challenge, where I proved I could do something creative, just for me. I met the deadline and came out of the experience no longer depressed. Surprisingly the moment had come, naturally, organically. Today I still have experiences that trigger feelings of depression but I don't get depressed because the well is dry. As I said, depression is a process, all that emotion has to be absorbed and experienced until it is gone.
Not having taken drugs for my condition I can't give you a comparison of what a chemical experience is like compared with a natural one, but I do worry that drugs will suspend or prolong what I believe to be a natural process from completing it's task. Making its resolution take a whole lifetime. I'm sure that drugs do help people in extreme situations, but for the rest of us who can function while hiding our internal processes, perhaps a more gentler approach is more suitable. This might not be something that drugs can cure, because it's something that has to be lived.