Douglas' Horror Hotties
 My gay clone, Douglas, has more tricks, boyfriends, and one-night stands  than a dog has fleas. Good thing for him cartoon characters can’t get  STDs, because half the guys Douglas gets in the bed with aren’t even  human. 

I’m sure you all remember (unless this is the first time  you’ve visited my gallery) Douglas’ off-and-on lover from the depths of  the ocean, Aquarius, but the two other inhuman dudes in this picture are  his other off-and-on part-time lovers. On the far right is Stevie the  Wicked Warlock and on the far left is Eddie Collin the sparkle vampire.

To  recap, Aquarius is actually one of my minor adversaries. He is a  rebellious rock ‘n’ roll surfer hermaphrodite merman youth from the  undersea metropolis known as New Coral City. When Aquarius isn’t causing  problems for both land and sea he’s flirting and getting freaky with my  slutty gay clone. Personally, I don’t see what Douglas sees in him. I  mean the guy reeks of fish, and he can’t sing to save his life.

Stevie  the Wicked Warlock is yet another minor adversary I face from time to  time; actually he’s mostly Adilia’s adversary, but since she’s my  girlfriend I occasionally find myself butting heads with him.  Truthfully, Stevie isn’t that big of a threat and is more of a nuisance  than a real villain. In a way, Stevie’s like our own world’s equivalent  to Gargamel. He’s a total failure as a warlock as his spells and potions  frequently backfire on him. He is the distant cousin of the Wicked  Witches of Oz, but as he’s nowhere near as skilled as his infamous  family members he is generally shunned by them and most of the other  witches and warlocks in Oneiroia. His closest and only true friend is  his magic broomstick, Skip; who often has to save Stevie from the  constant blunders he makes. Stevie seeks to capture Adilia in order to  absorb her powers to make himself more powerful and efficient at  witchcraft, but his plans to capture her never succeed as he is a total  inept bumbling klutz, and usually meets with a swift and humiliating  defeat at her hand. Though you wouldn’t initially suspect it from his  personality and demeanor, Stevie is a straight-up femboy bottom. He is  every bit as gay as Douglas is, and more so, and despite being generally  evil and unpleasant (as well as geeky and goofy) Stevie and Douglas  maintain a bittersweet off-and-on relationship with Douglas usually  acting as the dominant top. Stevie is also rather insecure about the  massive wart on his nose.

Eddie Collin is one of the few last  remaining sparkle vampires in the world; his species having nearly been  wiped out of existence by all the other vampires of Oneiroia who see his  kind as being a blight on the dignity of the Vampire Race. Unlike other  vampires who must drink blood in order to survive, Eddie and his  sparkle brethren must drink the juices of fruit (sort of like fruit  bats). Sparkle vampires like Eddie can also walk around in broad  daylight without the rays of the sun causing them to rapidly age like  the other vampires would. This is actually much to their benefit because  they can move around during the day when the other vampires are  sleeping and hide at night so they can’t find them. The only side effect  is that the sunlight causes their skin to sparkle like diamonds, but of  course these days that tends to be written off by most people as cheesy  glitter lotion. Douglas first met Eddie while shopping at the mall for  new polyester pants. What followed is an incredibly sickening love story  that I’d rather not delve into, but suffice it to say, the whole ordeal  is like a twisted homo cartoon parody of a poorly written sappy film  series about some dumb chick who falls in love with a pansy-ass vampire,  but I digress. They were originally going to get married and Eddie was  going to turn Douglas into a vampire too, but they eventually changed  their minds after they both realized they couldn’t stand the idea of  commitment, so they broke off the engagement, but they still see each  other from time to time to relive “fond memories”. The greatest fear  that Eddie has is being found by any of the other non-sparkle vampires,  as they would rip him limb from limb and grind him into powder.

As  these guys are all the off-and-on again lovers of Douglas they do  actually know one another and occasionally date each other openly with  or without Douglas being involved. It’s sort of like an open gay  polyamorous relationship of “horrific” proportions. XD