February Haikus: The Full Collection
Here are all the English-approximation-haikus (and -senryus) that I wrote in the month of February. 90% of them are about the horrors of winter. Also included: The Oscars, Leonard Nimoy, and two senryus about MRAs, not posted elsewhere. Let my misery be your entertainment! ;) I. Hypothermia The most peaceful way to die It is so damn cold II. This February Oh my god oh my god, fuck Someone please help us III. Snow banks nine feet tall The Seventh Seal is Silence Deeper than the cold IV. We did this to us Mother Nature closes in Climate change is real V. All hope abandon Society is over Why keep up the ruse VI. Little snow gremlins Hatefully bury my car Fuck you, snow gremlins VII. Showering? No, nope That would air-expose my skin Much too cold for that VIII. Deep furrows in ice Blood-lined tracks in my hands' skin A world ridged in pain IX. I hate my driveway What did my car do to you? Give it back, you jerk X. Cat stack on my back Memory foam lordosis One way to keep warm XI. Frozen nightmare world What are we even doing? Scotty, beam us up XII. Haunted by one phrase "It's summer in Australia" My despair mantra XIII. Ice elementals Cold breaths mask colder intent Murmurs in my mind XIV. What day is today? Time more and more meaningless The snow gods trump all XV. This whole area Future abandoned ghost town The next Roanoke XVI. Is that fucking sleet? Tell me I'm not hearing sleet Just checked, yeah, it's sleet XVII. You know something, guys? My cats are total moochers They sure are cute, though XVIII. These boots think they're sealed There's no keeping winter out Toes now withered prunes XIX. The Oscars are lame Dresses cost more than my car Support indie film XX. This is how it is I no longer put on pants What would be the point XXI. What the fuck is this It's zero goddamn degrees I just can't even XXII. Men’s Rights Activists: “Let me tell you how you need Assholes for elbows” XXIII. Cheering myself up Penis affliction stories Take that, MRAs XXIV. Sorry everyone I used to be a people Maybe in the spring XXV. Doctor's appointment Fun all-day activity Boston traffic kills XXVI. So much Spock sadness Time now to rejoin the stars Journey on in love