Finish lines and a quest for self-validation
Creating and working on a project alone is quite an endeavour. On the plus side, you're free. You have total creative control, there's no bad ideas, no rules to follow. On the minus side, the project becomes isolated, away from reality.
As i begin to put these mixes on my phone and go on walks, i'm taking notes to fix when i get back. But fear creeps in. The what ifs. What if none of this is any good? Can it even compare to "real" music? Will the lyrics be scoffed at or understood? What in the world am I doing pretending I can mix this and call it a final product?
As you see, it's a slippery slope between being proud of your individuality and afraid of it's total rejection. All the hours, the tired ears, the mistakes and retakes, becomes a unified pressure. So much love and dedication gone in one direction, into one group of songs, carefully crafted in solitude. And just like that, the drive to prove, to showcase, and to explain becomes a frailty like no other.
As the finish line approaches, I feel vulnerable. But i still believe.